The Lyrics of Life #3

Out my window, I see... freshly cut grass. A wonderful sight, and it smells great, too!

I am pondering... something a friend said to me yesterday (that her daughter said to her). "Comparing our troubles to others, even when it's a 'good' comparison, is denying God's path for us." I think she's on to something here. Maybe when we try to minimize what we're dealing with or feeling, we are limiting the whole experience God has for us. Perhaps when we face it, feel it to extreme depths, "get in the mud" with it, we'll find ourselves getting to know a whole new aspect of God's character. That's so interesting to think about.

Looking forward to... sleep this weekend. Sleep is good. Sleep is swell.

I am grateful for... the time I've had with my nephew over the past month. He is such an amazing kid, and I'm so glad he's been able to spend so much time with me.

Something I have learned recently... well..... I've learned that I still have so much to learn. It just never stops, does it? You can learn and learn and learn and still never learn it all.

An awesome quote... "The high minded man must care more for the truth than for what people think." ~Aristotle

Today's duds... Black Words Players shirt, black capris, clear Chucks, plaid socks.

I love... building deep relationships.

It would appear that... my poor little tomato plant is on its way out. It's given me some good fruit, but I think the end is near.

I am hearing... my thoughts... they're taking over the air space in my head. Wait.... uh..... that can't be right.

Something musical... I have discovered that I really don't care for "The Music Man" as a whole. The Words Players kids are phenomenal, but it's just not my favourite musical.

Around my house... Josiah and I will be spending some time cleaning tomorrow, just to catch up from the week.

One of my favourite things... having a deep, rich conversation with someone. Forget the weather talk. Let's dig deep and really talk. Love it.

Five random things that have happened this week:
1. Josiah beat me in a vicious match of Hungry, Hungry Hippos.

2. I got some collectors glasses as a gift from a good friend, bringing my total of them to 44. Yay!

3. I was reminded how much I love my friends. I am so fortunate.

4. I got a push broom at an auction for $5. I was very excited. I had NO idea push brooms were so stinking expensive in the stores. Those suckers are $20!

5. One of my good friends made it home safely after being gone for five weeks. Happy. :o)

Picture of the day... this is what happens when my good friend goes away for five weeks...

The Lyrics of Life #2

Out my window, I see... hot sunshine and two robins that appear to be protecting a nest.

I am pondering... how we as people tend to only listen to, and take the advice from people who are "on our side" in a situation. It's manipulative, and yet we seem to have this need to try to sway people our direction, and lock them in to our story or opinion. For example, next time you're sitting around a table in a meeting or a discussion, watch the dynamics, and observe how one person will try to seek out eye contact with another person they think is "with them". They will hook on to each other, and become a force together, seeking out the next brick in their wall. It's very fascinating.

Looking forward to... next week when "Annie" opens. I think it's going to be a great show. :o)

I am grateful for... the opportunities I've had lately to meet some really cool people.

Something I have learned recently... young men and women tend to saunter across the street like they own it, while old ladies and gentlemen scurry, because they don't want to be in the way.

An awesome quote... "The most important kind of freedom is to be what you really are. You trade in your reality for a role. You trade in your sense for an act. You give up your ability to feel, and in exchange, put on a mask. There can't be any large-scale revolution until there's a personal revolution, on an individual level. It's got to happen inside first." ~ Jim Morrison

Today's duds... grey cargoes, eggplant purple shirt, sandals.

I love... my cat. He's the best cat in the world. No, really, he is.

It would appear that... a Wal-Mart trip is in order. Lest I not eat for the next week.

I am hearing... the air conditioner and the clock ticking. It's enough to put me to sleep!

Something musical... I didn't realize how much I enjoy being in musicals. They are so cheesy, but it's so much fun to sing and dance on stage.

Around my house... I really think I will enjoy actually spending some time at home after next week. Time to get it cleaned and straightened, and continue working on it to make it what I want.

One of my favourite things... watching a child's face light up when you tell them you believe in them.

Five random things that have happened this week:
1. I had a dream that my sister-in-law and I were making candles out of red Play-Dough.

2. I was able to shove (and I do mean, SHOVE) my gimpy foot into a pair of dress flats for the first time in nearly two years. Oh, the things we do for the theatre.

3. I gathered up all my courage to slam a shoe down on a spider/centipede thing, only to find out that it was just a dust bunny.

4. I was reminded once again, that kids are just amazing. And if you just allow them to shine, they WILL.

5. My first mortgage payment on my house was made successfully! One down, 90 bazillion more to go!

Picture of the day... the epitome of contentment.

The Lyrics of Life

I used to participate in this thing called, "The Simple Woman's Daybook," which was a weekly recording of random happenings in one's life. However, I got out the habit, and truth be told, I am the farthest thing from "simple" anyway. People keep telling me they miss the weekly update, SO.... I'll do my own version, and see how it goes each week.

Out my window, I see... a gorgeous cloudy sky, and the trees blowing in the breeze. Delicious day.

I am pondering... whether or not flies wish they had sunglasses.

Looking forward to... vacation. I really need some time to just chill. No deadlines. Just relaxing.

I am grateful for... my new house. I am so.... dare I say it?..... blessed. Oy.

Something I have learned recently... if you have a bush outside your house that you want to trim, wear gloves. It could have sharp, pointy things on it. And they could tear up your arms.

An awesome quote... "Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail." ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

Today's duds... jeans, red long-sleeved shirt, chucks. Very comfy.

I love... that I have a tomato plant of my own. Next year, I'm going to try to plant more veggies. VEGGIES!!!

It would appear that... I won't have another free night till the end of June. I love being busy and active!

I am hearing... the sound of a machine running.

Something musical... I would really, REALLY like a keyboard in my house, so I can play again.

Around my house... I have to learn how to get out of my new house. It's not as easy as you think when you've been used to living with only one entrance and no garage for ten years.

One of my favourite things... capturing people and things and emotions through the camera. LOVE.

Five random things that have happened this week:

1. I discovered that what I thought was rhubarb was only skunk cabbage. Thanks to Mark and Libby for that revelation.

2. I went to the movie, "Soul Surfer". It was pretty good. Inspiring.

3. I made a complete fool of myself in an audition. Classic.

4. I won popsicle maker things at a bridal shower. Woot.

5. I broke my shoe in a rehearsal. It's tragic. My most comfy pair of Chucks.

Picture of the day... I love this picture of Audrey. I had pictured it in my head and asked her to pose for it, and it turned out better than I thought it would.

Blogging as Narcissism?

One of my closest friends recently shared an experience with me. It was an exchange between her and someone very dear to her regarding blogging. This person considered blogging to be narcissistic and braggadocious, and sort of .... well... slammed her for keeping a blog at all.

My friend expressed that she's not an expert on much, but she is an expert on her life. It's what she knows and lives, and somehow, she hopes to bring joy to others by sharing it through blogging.

I say, she's right. We aren't experts on much, are we? However, we ARE experts on our own lives. I mean, who, other than God, knows our lives better than we do? And why shouldn't we share that with others? It's how we learn, how we reason things out, how we relate to each other, and for me, it's how I learn about who God is.... or isn't.

I WANT to hear what you're thinking, feeling, going through. I WANT to laugh with you, cry with you, and learn life lessons from you. So, please, if you're a blogger, keep it up! If you're not, consider doing it. If you've thought about it, and are hesitant, please know that I am waiting, with baited breath to hear what you have to say. Truly.

You are valuable, and your thoughts and feelings matter to me.

It's Not Our Job

His sign reads, "Homeless. Hungry. Anything helps. God bless." He regularly stands on the corner of 2nd street in the freezing winter. I've driven past him nearly every day for months now, and I still don't know his name. Today, I noticed that his gloves don't match, and it got me thinking (I know, I know, it's always scary when I start thinking!) about how people treat him.

I wonder...

When they drive by, do they sit in their warm vehicles and avoid making eye contact with him? Do they look at him and shake their heads in judgmental disgust, and snarl about how he should go out and get a job? Do they criticize him because he smokes, and he's wasting his money on that "nasty habit" when he could be spending the money on food?

I wonder...

Do they feel compassion for him and hand him money? Do they ever give him food? And if they do give him food, is it in a can? Because food in a can wouldn't do any good if you don't have a can opener. Does it have to be heated? It would be terribly hard to heat something with no oven. Is it something he likes? Has anyone ever asked him what he likes? Maybe he doesn't like bologna. Or maybe he's allergic to peanuts. Maybe he's a vegetarian.

Oh... but wait.... beggars can't be choosers, right? He should be grateful for what he gets.... right? If he's going to be lazy and not work, then he doesn't have the right to choose...... right?

Hmm. I wonder....

I wonder if we realize that he's not just a dirty fixture on the street corner. He's a person. A living, breathing person. God made this gentleman in His image, just like He did you and me. He cares deeply about his sorrows and his joys, just like He cares about ours. He loves him - like He loves us... mercifully and unconditionally... no matter what.... always.

I wonder if we stop to think that we have never walked in this man's shoes, and there's no way we could possibly know about his journey. Maybe he had a devastating blow in his life, and there was no one to help him through it. Maybe he's sick and trying to just make it. Maybe he lost his family to a tragedy. Or maybe he just likes standing on the corner. Who knows?

And then I wonder if we know that it's not our business to judge ANY of his life. At all.

I was having a conversation with a 14-year old the other day at the theatre. In that conversation, he was expressing his thoughts about love, and how if we would just LOVE each other - REALLY love each other - a lot of the problems in our world would be solved. He's right. Judging hurts. Love covers. Love seems the better, more Jesus-y option.

Whatever that means to you, do it. LOVE. Because, judging.... yeah... that's not our job.

Do We REALLY Make a Difference?

Joseph Johnson stands out on the side of the road nearly every single day and flashes the "Peace" sign to everyone driving by. American flag in one hand. Pepsi can in the other. Through every season, dressed for every holiday, he is faithfully there, waving away.

One day, our former Vicar stopped and chatted with Joseph, and asked him why he does what he does. His response still warms my heart and makes me chuckle with affection. He told the Vicar that he flashes the "Peace" sign because he's spreading the peace of God.

"Oh yeah?" asked Vicar Seth. "Which god is that?"

"You know... the regular God. Jesus' Dad."

How can you not love that??

At first when I saw Joseph, I was simply amused and happy to wave back, but then something odd happened. That tiny little expression of selflessness became something I looked forward to every day. I would turn on to 2nd Street and begin scanning the area while I was still a block and a half away. If a little moving spec appeared in my vision, my groggy morning mood would lift immediately, and I would prepare to receive my portion of the "regular God's peace."

One day I drove by, and much to my horror, Joseph wasn't there.

"What?!?! Where IS he?!" I lamented. "Doesn't he KNOW I look forward to this every day??"

And right then was when I realized that this man, a complete stranger to me, had (and still has) a true impact on my life.

You wouldn't normally think much of it, would you? A man dressed in wild outfits and waving at people would maybe even elicit a snicker of mocking from some. However, Joseph's small gesture of selflessness has an impact far greater than he could ever know. He doesn't have to stand out there in the middle of winter when the windchill is 30 degrees below zero, or in the summer when the humidity is so thick you can practically eat it with a fork. But he does. And for no other reason than to spread some peace.

It is a mysterious thing to give of yourself just because you can. When you are selfless, you may be making a difference in someone's life and not even realize it. Take some time to think about it, but then make some time for action. Call someone. Wave. Write a letter. Smile. Be kind to someone who's having a bad day. Extend as much grace as you would hope to receive.

Make a difference.

Love and Acceptance? I Think NOT!

I don't like the modern day church's small group concept. I'm not talking about a small group of random people chatting it up about whatever.

I'm talking about these little criteria-based groups that the churches have decided to set up. Jesus NEVER talked about separating out into groups where you would have to meet certain criteria to attend. He DID talk about coming together, reasoning together. He DID talk about the older folks teaching the younger folks. He DID talk about UNCONDITIONAL love and acceptance. The churches have set up these structured, criteria-based groups that are supposed to be so great, and in the meantime, people are dying on the sidelines because they don't fit in!!

For example, just to keep it neutral, I'll use something silly....

Let's pretend there's a church that has a group for people with blue hair, a group for people with yellow hair, a group for people with green hair, a group for people with purple hair and a group for people with brown hair.

One day, Joe shows up at the church because he's going through a very difficult time, and is looking for answers... or support... or whatever.

But wait.... Joe has black hair..... what group does he join? Where does he find friends, love and acceptance? Because Joe doesn't meet the criteria for the other groups, he either has to separate off and form his own group for people with BLACK hair, or he gets left out. He can't just go to the purple hair group, because, well, that's for people with PURPLE hair.... and they want to talk about their purple hair, and what it's like to live with purple hair and have children with purple hair.

According to the small group segregation, because Joe doesn't have purple hair, not only does he NOT fit in, but apparently he has nothing in common with purple-haired people, and well, I guess that means he also has no valid input for people with purple hair. He cannot join their group.... he doesn't belong. And he certainly can't join the blue, yellow, green or brown hair groups either.

Sooooo..... Joe dies a little inside, because he just wants to be loved and accepted, but instead, he's been rejected. The place Joe is supposed to be able to run to and find unconditional love and acceptance is the very place he ends up running FROM because they've hurt him so bad.

WHERE IS JESUS IN THAT?

Jesus ate with everybody. He talked with everybody. He met with everybody. He didn't even allow his own disciples to keep small children away while he was teaching. He rebuked them for excluding the children.... let them come to me!.... What would he have to say about this criteria-based concept? I have to wonder if he would rant through our "temples" and overturn all the tables. I wonder how badly it breaks His heart to see how many people have walked in the doors of the church looking for hope, and walked out the same doors in complete hopelessness.

I know countless.... COUNTLESS "Joes" who cry themselves to sleep at night because they've been hurt so bad by this concept. I also know countless "Joes" who want nothing to do with organized religion (a.k.a., the modern-day church) AT ALL. They are the ones who see the hypocrisy of it all..... they are the ones who see that the Church's representation of Christ's TRUE unconditional love is nothing more than religious lip service.

People are hurting. People want to just be who they are, and not have to be separated out. We should care about THAT.

Yo, Christians, What's Your Bible?

About nine years ago, I was at a women's conference with a friend of mine. During one of our breaks, my friend overheard some of the women from a local church talking about someone else.

"She really should dress her age," one of them snipped.

That comment, and the attitude that accompanied it, has been stuck in my head since that day (and by the way, criticizing the clothing preferences of others may not be a very effective way to attract people to your church - just sayin').

I listen every day to people talking about what others SHOULD do, and what others SHOULDN'T do. What's healthy, what's not healthy. What's appropriate, what's not appropriate. What's normal, what's not normal. More often than not, these standards are cited as facts, when they really aren't much more than opinions or personal preferences. Some of the most common things I hear in "fact" speeches are, "I was reading in this book, and it said....." or "I heard on the radio...." It makes me wonder, about Christians specifically, where we're getting our "facts." What has become our Bible?

Don't get me wrong, teachers are great, books are great, sermons are great. However, as professed followers of Jesus, we might consider comparing these "facts" we learn with what He and His Dad have to say. If they jive, great. If they don't, we could stand to study it a little deeper to find His truth for ourselves. If we don't do the work and learn for ourselves, it's not really even our knowledge to own.... is it? It's just.... well, borrowed. Hearsay. Beautified gossip.

I have a tendency to be a tad controversial at times (gasp. swoon. faint.), so it comes as no surprise that I challenge Christians with questions when they present a "fact" to me.

"Where did you hear that?"
"Where did you read that?

.... and my personal favourite....

"Show me where it says that in the Bible."

Strangely enough, most of the Christians I ask the latter of, can't do it, because it didn't come from THE Bible, but rather, some sort of churchy, religious teaching. YUCK. Not only that, but a lot of times, in comparison with the words of Jesus (you know.... that guy God sent down here to rescue us from death?), the "fact" is completely opposite of down and dirty, Biblical truth.

It's interesting, isn't it?

According to basic Christian beliefs, when our lives are over, we stand before God alone and account for our actions and lives. Therefore, we would be wise to make GOD'S Word our standard..... our.... um.... Bible. THE Bible, THE Word of God is.... "living and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart." (Hebrews 4:12)

So.... what's your Bible?

Fashion magazines? Psychology books? Self-help books? Beth Moore Bible studies? Television or radio programs? Catechism? Blog sites like this one? Purpose driven church books? World renown author books?

Just something to think about.

By the way, I'm curious.... what DOES "dress her age" mean? Furthermore, I wonder what Bible gives the standards for this particular issue. It must be a different Bible than I've seen, as mine doesn't have a list of what you must wear when you turn certain ages. Don't take my word for it. Look it up for yourself.

*shrug*

How Often Do You Invalidate People?

I've been thinking about psychological invalidation lately. I know... one marvels at the thought that I could be thinking......I'm usually so lighthearted, right? ;o)

Anyway....

It concerns me how many of us think we have authority over the feelings of others. Even more concerning, is how many of us RELINQUISH our feelings to others because of invalidating statements that are made to us when we express them.

Christians are especially notorious for demanding that we not pay attention to how we feel, as (*said in a very religious voice*) "feelings are not always TRUTH!!" For example, if you feel bad about yourself, many times you are told to quote scripture to magically change that feeling, rather than to find the root of it and allow God to truly "set you free."

It's weird. It's a weird concept. Don't deal with it. Just say these words and they will make it go away. Yeah.....weird.

Don't get me wrong, I do believe God can transform your mind through His Word (among other things), but that's when HE is allowed to walk you through it, not when you're going through the systematic method that Christians have set up for you. I'm also not completely sold on psychoanalysis and all the "solutions" it provides, but it does bear some credibility in the fact that it lets you be....*GASP!*.... human.

Sooooo..... what does all this mean? Nothing, really. I'm just thinking. Hopefully, after you've read this, if you even make it to the end, you will be thinking, too. That's it. Just think about it.


THE FOLLOWING IS AN EXCERPT FROM EQI.ORG ...... A VERY INTERESTING WEBSITE

Examples of invalidating expressions.
Each is an attempt to talk you out of your feelings.

"Ordering" You to Feel Differently
Smile.
Be happy.
Cheer up
Lighten up.
Get over it.
Grow up
Get a life
Don't cry.
Don't worry.
Don't be sad.
Stop whining
Stop laughing..
Don't get angry
Deal with it.
Give it a rest.
Forget about it.
Stop complaining.
Don't be so dramatic.
Don't be so sensitive.
Stop being so emotional.
Stop feeling sorry for yourself
Stop taking everything so personally


Ordering You to "Look" Differently
Don't look so sad.
Don't look so smug.
Don't look so down.
Don't look like that.
Don't make that face.
Don't look so serious.
Don't look so proud of yourself.
Don't look so pleased with yourself.


Denying Your Perception, Defending
You've got it all wrong.
But of course I respect you.
But I do listen to you.
That is ridiculous (nonsense, totally absurd, etc.)
I was only kidding.
That's not the way things are.
That's not how things are.
I honestly don't judge you as much as you think.
It's not going to happen


Trying to Make You Feel Guilty While Invalidating You
I tried to help you..
At least I .....
At least you....
You are making everyone else miserable.


Trying to Isolate You
You are the only one who feels that way.
It doesn't bother anyone else, why should it bother you?


Minimizing Your Feelings
You must be kidding.
You can't be serious.
It can't be that bad.
Your life can't be that bad.
You are just ... (being difficult; being dramatic, in a bad mood, tired, etc)
It's nothing to get upset over.
It's not worth getting that upset over.
There's nothing wrong with you.


Using Reason
There is no reason to get upset.
You are not being rational.
But it doesn't make any sense to feel that way.
Let's look at the facts.
Let's stick to the facts.
But if you really think about it....


Debating
I don't always do that.
It's not that bad. (that far, that heavy, that hot, that serious, etc.)


Judging & Labeling You
You are a cry baby.
You have a problem.
You are too sensitive.
You are over-reacting. You are too thin-skinned.
You are way too emotional.
You are an insensitive jerk.
You need to get your head examined!
You are impossible to talk to.
You are impossible.
You are hopeless.


Turning Things Around
You are making a big deal out of nothing.
You are blowing this way out of proportion.
You are making a mountain out of a molehill.


Trying to Get You to Question Yourself
What is your problem?
What's wrong with you?
What's the matter with you?
Why can't you just get over it?
Why do you always have to ....?
Is that all you can do, complain?
Why are you making such a big deal over it?
What's wrong with you, can't you take a joke?
How can you let a little thing like that bother you?
Don't you think you are being a little dramatic?
Do you really think that crying about it is going to help anything?


Telling You How You "Should" Feel or Act
You should be excited.
You should be thrilled.
You should feel guilty.
You should feel thankful that...
You should be happy that ....
You should be glad that ...
You should just drop it.
You shouldn't worry so much.
You shouldn't let it bother you.
You should just forget about it.
You should feel ashamed of yourself.
You shouldn't wear your heart out on your sleeve.
You shouldn't say that about your father.


Defending The Other Person
Maybe they were just having a bad day.
I am sure she didn't mean it like that.
You just took it wrong.
I am sure she means well.


Negating, Denial & Confusion
Now you know that isn't true.
You don't mean that. You know you love your baby brother.
You don't really mean that. You are just ... (in a bad mood today, tired, cranky)


Sarcasm and Mocking
Oh, you poor thing. Did I hurt your little feelings?
What did you think? The world was created to serve you?
What happened to you? Did you get out of the wrong side of bed again?


Laying Guilt Trips
Don't you ever think of anyone but yourself?
What about my feelings?!
Have you ever stopped to consider my feelings?


Philosophizing Or Clichés
Time heals all wounds.
Every cloud has a silver lining.
Life is full of pain and pleasure.
In time you will understand this.
When you are older you will understand
You are just going through a phase.
Everything has its reasons.
Everything is just the way it is supposed to be.


Talking About You When You Can Hear It
She is impossible to talk to.
You can't say anything to her.


Showing Intolerance
This is getting really old.
This is getting really pathetic.
I am sick of hearing about it.


Trying to Control How Long You Feel Something, or Judging You for How Long You Feel It
Are you still upset over that? It happened a long time ago.
You should be over that by now.


Explanations
Maybe it is because...
That is because
Of course, because you.... (This one hurts four ways. First, the "of course" minimizes what you feel, second the "because" explains what you feel, as if explaining it nullifies the feeling, third the "you" blames you and fourth, blaming you is a form of attack which is likely to make you feel either defensive or guilt-tripped or both.)

I Will Try Harder.... Will You?

The other day, my friend was driving me back to work after lunch and we got stopped at one of the downtown stoplights. I happened to glance across the street and I saw this lady I know heading down the sidewalk in her electric wheelchair. I thought, "oh, I know her," and didn't really think much about it until I realized that her chair wasn't really moving forward. As I gave it a more concentrated look, I realized that she was stuck, because the sidewalk hadn't been shoveled very well after the recent snow.

I said to my friend, "Awww....she's stuck!!" Neither one of us could do anything about it, as we were in the middle of downtown traffic. There was a guy walking towards her, clutching a McDonald's cup, and as we drove away in the cluster of busy vehicles, I hoped he would at least kick some of the snow out of the way, so she could go on with her day.

I have to wonder if she felt angry....hurt.... left to fend for herself, maybe? Did she, at that moment, or does she constantly wonder if anyone cares enough about her to make a little extra effort? How many times a day does she encounter similar situations? These questions, among others, went storming through my head like a monstrous tornado, sucking up my thoughts and spinning them about wildly. As the debris of imagination floated to the floor of my mind, I began picking up the pieces of my own story.

You see, at about this time five months ago, my mother and my best friend were in my room at St. Mary's Hospital playing Cribbage, while I was sound asleep recovering from back surgery . A "simple" surgery had turned out to be very complicated, and kept me in the process for about eight hours. From that day forward, my life hasn't been the same.

Because of the severity of the ruptured disc in my back, my sciatic nerve was badly crushed. During surgery, they had to manipulate the nerve to get to the rupture, thus making it "angry", and only partially functional. They expect it to regenerate and be normal again, but according to the books, you only get one millimeter of growth back per day. My right leg is numb from the knee down to the tips of my toes..... I now have a disability.

I wear a brace on my leg to help my foot work, and to keep my ankle from turning since my muscles aren't currently working. It has slowed me down significantly, and has had an effect everything in my life and daily routines. I even had to go out and buy new shoes several sizes too big to fit the stupid thing. I walk slower, I get up and down slower, and I won't even go into the three ring circus act I perform while putting on and taking off those clown shoes.

I dread hearing words like, hurry, quickly, and I get especially self conscious when someone invites me into their home, as I know it's an unwritten rule in Minnesota that you must remove your shoes at the door, lest you track mud and snow everywhere you step. I CAN'T hurry. I CAN'T go quickly. It's not that I don't want to.... I just CAN'T.

I was recently in a play in which two scenes required some of us cast members to serve tea and cakes to the audience. At the exact cue, several of us were to go QUICKLY over to the tea service station, grab our trays and move SWIFTLY back to get the job done. I started out very far away from the service station, but soon discovered that I couldn't get back through the crowd fast enough and was getting run over by those who had two working legs.

I moved myself closer to the "middle" of the scene so I would have a little more time, but still got shouldered and bumped, as I was not moving fast enough. Not only was I getting hurt by bodies ramming into me as they whisked by, but I was hurting myself by forcing my own body to move quickly before it was completely healed.

I adjusted again, and placed myself at the very back of the scene. I was then able to get mostly out of the way until the last minute when three or four able bodies would cut me off and throw me off balance just before I reached the service station.

Finally, I surrendered and removed myself from the scene completely, so that I would have time to grab a tray of teacups and get out of the way of the rushing crowd.

So.... why am I writing about this?

I'll tell you why. I am willing to put money down on the table that not one single person involved in those tea serving scenes even realized what was happening, or how I was getting hurt because they were in such a rush. Likewise, I would lay down another ten dollars to bet that whoever shoveled the sidewalk the other day probably didn't give a single thought to someone in an electric wheelchair getting stuck.

When you stop by the store after work to grab something for supper, because you have a meeting or a recital or a church service or a concert or a school event or a........... *sigh*.....

......how many people do you plow down in the process? How many times do you lose patience because someone in front of you is moving too slow and they are IN YOUR WAY!!...? Do you ever think that whooshing past them could possibly throw them off balance, or further injure a delicate wound?

And how many times in that same store do you see people in wheelchairs, with canes, crutches, arm braces, neck braces, leg braces....... and stop to help them, NOT in the name of feeling sorry for them, but just because they are worth your time?

Or....... ARE they.... worth... your.... time.....?

In our society, we are in a hurry. We try to cram 38 hours of appointments into a 24 hour day, and our stores are jammed with as many items as we can fit and still not break the fire codes. I need to do this. I need to do that. I don't have time. I don't have patience. I just can't be bothered. I have my own life to worry about......

In the meantime, people, the PEOPLE we are supposed to care about, are...... they are..... drowning in our wake. The PEOPLE like the wheelchair lady are getting stuck in the snow because we didn't care enough to shovel it so she could get through. The PEOPLE driving the little carts at Wal-mart can't get through the clothing aisles because the racks are too close together. Oh, my friends, this can't be right. We are kicking them while they're down and we don't even know it!

I'm sorry. I am so sorry. To all the PEOPLE I've mowed over in my own hurry, I'm sorry. To all the PEOPLE who have gotten hurt, felt abandoned, left to fend for themselves, I'm so sorry. I will try harder to see you.... to SEE you..... to imagine what it's like to be in your shoes..... to think about something other than my busy schedule..... I will.

I hope all of us will..............try harder...................................

SWD #41

http://thesimplewomansdaybook.blogspot.com/

FOR TODAY... December 21, 2009

Outside my window... It's 18 degrees and cloudy. A lovely winter day.

I am thinking... about how hard it is to get attached to people, because I'm afraid of having to say goodbye. I didn't realize I was so guarded until this last week.

I am thankful for... first, that my mom made it here safely. And second, for the opportunity I had to work with an amazing group of people. I am very impressed that, even in all of our humanness, we managed to get more than 200 people working together on a show.

I am wearing... black shirt, black pants, new black shoes that make this stupid farty sound when I walk, because they're too big. Stupid brace on my leg makes shoes impossible. *sigh*

I am remembering... that I forgot to get something for a Christmas present. Dang it.

I am going... to be calm when they tell me how much it's going to cost to fix my truck today. I will be calm. I will be calm. I will be calm.........

I am currently reading... no.

I am hoping... that new friendships will be life friendships. I don't want them to end.

On my mind... trying not to get lost in the Christmas chaos. Must. Remember. Why. We. Celebrate.

Noticing that... I am really, really, really behind on things right now. Wow.

Pondering these words... "...not everybody leaves."

From the kitchen... Nothing. STILL no time. Though, my mom has requested chocolate orange fudge, so I will be getting that done at some point.

Around the house... I still have a pile of presents to wrap.... and it's grown. Soon, it will overtake me, and I shall be wrapped up myself. If you find me tied to a chair with Christmas ribbon, you know what happened.

One of my favorite things... Theatre people. They just rock.

From my picture journal... This is my crazy Quartet - Chloe, Kadi, Audrey and Glory. An amazing group of sweet, talented young ladies, who were an absolute blast to work with in A Christmas Carol. I sincerely hope I get the chance to work with them again. Don't they look mischievous???

SWD #40

http://thesimplewomansdaybook.blogspot.com/

FOR TODAY... December 14, 2009

Outside my window... It's 9 degrees. The snow is thick. People are complaining. Whatever.

I am thinking... a conversation I just had with a new friend about churches and religion and families and God and all kinds of stuff. So much to think about. So much to learn.

I am thankful for... kids that teach me about unconditional love.

I am wearing... pajamas. And a blanket. And a cat.

I am remembering... that church doesn't have to be in a church building. It's not about the building.

I am going... to savour the next few days of a play I'm in, as I don't want it to end. I don't want the relationships to end.

I am currently reading... what I've typed in this entry.

I am hoping... that I will see a clearer path in front of me soon.

On my mind... a ton. Really. It's heavy.

Noticing that... it's after 8:00 and I haven't eaten supper. No wonder I have a headache.

Pondering these words... "....when you look into peoples' eyes, you make it about them."

From the kitchen... Nothing. No time.

Around the house... I finally got things straightened up, and now I have a pile of Christmas presents to wrap.

One of my favorite things... is talking to people one on one. Not small talk.... real talk.

From my picture journal... I came across this strange bag of body parts in the dollar store one day, so I bought them to have just in case I needed a good joke. After passing them through different people in the office, I decided to use them on my best friend's son..... on Thanksgiving. I shall restrain myself and not leave the tiny little hand sticking out of the baptismal font at the church. hehehehe........

SWD #39

After a long, LONG sabbatical, I have decided to resume blogging as I have time. I really don't know if anyone cares, but I shall do it anyway..... :o)

http://thesimplewomansdaybook.blogspot.com/

FOR TODAY... December 1, 2009

Outside my window... It's 43 degrees and cloudy. A near perfect day.

I am thinking... about people that I've met over the last few months, and how they have influenced my life in such a short time.

I am thankful for... a good job and wonderful co-workers.

I am wearing... black pants, black and pink striped turtleneck and socks, black shirt, black shoes. Yeah... the black shoes are two sizes too big because the leg brace I have to wear right now is ginormous. I keep tripping on my dumb clown feet shoes.

I am remembering... the thing Kristin said the other night about the line, "Haste, haste to bring Him laud...." She sweetly asked, "Why are they bringing Him lard??" I cannot stop laughing about that. :o)

I am going... to........... slow......... my...... mind.... down... to make sureIdon'tmissChristmasbecauseIhaveahabitofbeingsobusythatIforgetwhat'sreallyimportant... and.... that......... is............... not........................... goooooooooooooooooooood.......................

I am currently reading... Good grief. I have no spare time to read right now. See above.

I am hoping... that the road to healing, after this back surgery of mine, is a smoother one in the coming months

On my mind... too much.... WAY too much.....

Noticing that... church doesn't always have to be in a building with a steeple. It is as simple as a community. Sometimes grace and mercy come from everywhere BUT the building with the steeple.

Pondering these words... "I want you to be in charge of this, but here's a list of how you will do it."

From the kitchen... um.... no.

Around the house... I think I lost my cat in the pile of stuff on the table. I guess that happens when you run in, throw things down and run out. Poor Allige.

One of my favorite things... is when people share their gifts and talents with me. I truly appreciate it.

From my picture journal... My mom turned 60 on November 11th. I have always told her that she can NEVER wear polyester pants, that I will always make sure her socks match, and that her lipstick will only cover her LIPS, not her entire face. So.... she sent me this picture. Polyester outfit. YUCK. Mismatched socks. Oy. Lipstick.... there are just no words. I love you, Mom!

Sixty Things I LOVE About My Mom...

Today is my mother's SIXTIETH birthday! I can't be with her, so I thought I would post sixty things I love about her. Happy birthday, Momala!

Sixty things I love about my mom.....

1. She's my mom.
2. Her hair - it's very soft.
3. The way she laughs.
4. She is loyal.
5. She has one of the most giving hearts I know.
6. She is extremely smart.
7. She genuinely cares for others.
8. She's not afraid to admit a mistake.
9. She's a survivor.
10. She preserves tradition.
11. I LOVE spending time with her.
12. She forgives me when I screw up.
13. She likes a good joke.
14. We make good memories together.
15. She learns from her mistakes.
16. She's very organized.
17. Her love for football makes me smile.
18. She matches her clothes well (including her socks!)
19. She knows the value of a dollar.
20. Her hands.
21. Her house is very clean.
22. She teaches you to put things back where you got them.
23. She would give you the shirt off her back.
24. She can sing on key!
25. She makes a point to know what you're interested in.
26. She is extremely generous.
27. She doesn't wear polyester pants. :o)
28. She doesn't force me to play Monopoly or Cribbage or Backgammon anymore. Yay. :o)
29. When she does something, she does it wholeheartedly.
30. She likes theatre.
31. She (and my dad) gave me hazel eyes.
32. Despite all the odds, she never gives up.
33. She's a very good driver.
34. She is real. What you see is what you get.
35. I like talking with her.
36. She makes a point to spend time with me, even though she lives four states away.
37. She's always there when I need her.
38. She isn't lacking in common sense.
39. She places a lot of value in her family and friends.
40. She loves God.
41. She knows how to harmonize well.
42. She's not afraid to show emotion.
43. She plays Yahtzee with me.
44. I love shopping with her!
45. She and I have our own special traditions.
46. She has a really cool birthmark. Don't know why, but I've always liked it.
47. I like the face she makes when she's thinking.
48. She misses me.
49. She loves me unconditionally.
50. She treasures things you give her.
51. She tries hard to make everyone happy.
52. She LOVES her grandson.
53. Our relationship just keeps getting better!
54. Being with her makes me truly happy.
55. She strives to be good at whatever she does.
56. She is extremely good at math.
57. If she doesn't know the answer, she finds it.
58. She is BEAUTIFUL inside, and out.
59. She's funny. :o)
60. She makes me want to be a better person.

I love you, Mom.