I work for a church, so dealing with death is part of what we do, but it is never easy, and it leaves a mark on your heart every time. In the last week and a half, we had six funerals. Six is a lot in one week, but the two we had at the end of last week were the ones that impacted me the most. I attended both of them, back to back on Friday morning.
One lady, Nancy, died from what's called Broken Heart Syndrome, as a direct result of finding her own father dead. A father that she had dedicated her entire life to caring for, even giving up marriage and a family of her own. She found him on the floor in the middle of the night, and less than 5 days later, she was gone as well. She was 61. Shocking, and extremely painful to think about, as she was an AMAZING lady.
The other funeral was for our custodian's brother, Frank, whom I've actually written about in a previous post. He died from cancer. He leaves behind a beautiful wife, Tammy, a son, Jeremiah, and siblings that loved him very, very much. It seems like the entire community pulled together and fought for Frank's life, but sadly, he lost his battle on Sunday, January 18th.
Both of them so tragic, and extremely difficult to accept.
Okay... sooo... I've written before about not living with regret, but lately I've been faced with an embracing reality check, and these two deaths have served to make this check larger than life. My friends, at some point we have to realize how much we take for granted. We say goodbye to our friends and family members, co-workers and mail carriers, acquaintences and even our enemies on a daily basis. Sometimes we leave happy with each other, and sometimes we leave just downright angry, having said harsh words that sting the core.
My reality check...... what if one of these times you leave angry, and it's the last time you see that person alive? How will you feel about the way you acted... the way you treated someone... the words that flew out of your mouth? In the morning, when you're frustrated with your kids, your parents, your siblings, your husband, or even the dog, how often do you throw out an obligated wave goodbye, assuming that you will just see them later?
I can sometimes take things to extremes as I roll them over in my mind, so I want you to know that it's not my intention to create fear in this post. However, I do think all of us could slow down just a little and really think about our words, actions and flippant assumptions that life will just be the same tomorrow as it was today. We must not take "the usual" for granted, as we are not promised the next minute, let alone tomorrow. Anything can happen... at any time... to anyone in our lives.
I really don't know that there's much more I can say about this subject. Perhaps we should just let the conviction we're feeling about our own words and actions move us toward change, so that we treat others like it's the last time we may see them.
It sort of gives a whole new perspective on the verse, "'In your anger do not sin': Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry." (Ephesians 4:26)
January 26, 2009
SWD #17
http://thesimplewoman.blogspot.com/
FOR TODAY (January 26, 2009)...
Outside my window... Nothing special, really. It's 7 degrees, an average Minnesota day.
I am thinking... about getting my taxes done. I'm not one to procrastinate on them. Mostly because I need the money. :o)
I am thankful for... all the SuperChurch kids and youth helpers. They are so amazing, and I'm so privileged to be able to work with them.
From the kitchen... I've been into this new cereal lately. I think Kellogg's makes it - frosted chocolate shredded wheat bites. They're so small... just the right size for a bite. YUMMO.
I am wearing... Navy turtleneck, tan pants, argyle socks, straightened my hair. It's getting long.
I am creating... a schedule. Need one. Badly.
I am going... to water a crazy load of plants tonight. So many plants, so little time.
I am reading... up on how to get rid of a gnat infestation. Stupid gnats. My current method is only serving to gross me out. I've been spraying them with Windex, and now there are little gnat carcasses stuck all over the office windows. Ew.
I am hearing... the hum of the printer.
Around the house... I am really enjoying having a treadmill. It's so great to be able to just get on and walk/run. Good investment.
One of my favourite things... sleep. Oh, how I love it. Sleep is my favourite.
A few plans for the rest of the week:
Walmart.
Plants.
Yeah. I dunno what else.
Here is picture thought I am sharing... I don't have ANY idea why I took this picture. It's my eye. It's green. Yep.
FOR TODAY (January 26, 2009)...
Outside my window... Nothing special, really. It's 7 degrees, an average Minnesota day.
I am thinking... about getting my taxes done. I'm not one to procrastinate on them. Mostly because I need the money. :o)
I am thankful for... all the SuperChurch kids and youth helpers. They are so amazing, and I'm so privileged to be able to work with them.
From the kitchen... I've been into this new cereal lately. I think Kellogg's makes it - frosted chocolate shredded wheat bites. They're so small... just the right size for a bite. YUMMO.
I am wearing... Navy turtleneck, tan pants, argyle socks, straightened my hair. It's getting long.
I am creating... a schedule. Need one. Badly.
I am going... to water a crazy load of plants tonight. So many plants, so little time.
I am reading... up on how to get rid of a gnat infestation. Stupid gnats. My current method is only serving to gross me out. I've been spraying them with Windex, and now there are little gnat carcasses stuck all over the office windows. Ew.
I am hearing... the hum of the printer.
Around the house... I am really enjoying having a treadmill. It's so great to be able to just get on and walk/run. Good investment.
One of my favourite things... sleep. Oh, how I love it. Sleep is my favourite.
A few plans for the rest of the week:
Walmart.
Plants.
Yeah. I dunno what else.
Here is picture thought I am sharing... I don't have ANY idea why I took this picture. It's my eye. It's green. Yep.
January 19, 2009
SWD #16
http://thesimplewoman.blogspot.com/
FOR TODAY (January 19, 2009)...
Outside my window... It's warmed up to 10 degrees. The sun is shining, but somehow it seems like a very dark day.
I am thinking... about how many people died this weekend. It's part of my job to "deal" with death, but it never gets easier.
I am thankful for... the fact that right now, this minute, I still have my family and friends. Life is never guaranteed.
From the kitchen... leftover broccoli noodle goo. It's the best I could do on a moment's notice.
I am wearing... black pants, black turtleneck, red sweater, boots. Funeral clothes (Yes, Mother, I know you're not supposed to wear red to a funeral...:o)....).
I am creating... a list of thank you notes to write. I haven't gotten them done yet. Shame.
I am going... get together with my dear friend. We haven't had time together in months.
I am reading... the obituaries.
I am hearing... the church ladies making lunch for the funeral this afternoon.
Around the house... nothing to report. It's just there for now.
One of my favorite things... the mornings when I don't have to get out of my warm cozy bed until I'm good and ready. Those days are few and far between.
A few plans for the rest of the week:
Two funerals today.
One funeral Thursday.
Two funerals Friday.
Happy week.
Here is picture thought I am sharing... Last week it was minus 24 degrees, with a minus 51 degree windchill, and the sun dogs (the rainbow around the sun) were the biggest and most beautiful I've ever seen. I can't believe I actually captured a decent shot with my phone camera. Who says there isn't beauty in cold weather?
January 16, 2009
Can I Just Be Transparent, Please?
I used to attend a church that struggled with control. I was told by my superiors, that as a member of church leadership, I HAD to have a smile on my face when I was in the building. My appearance HAD to be neat, and my face HAD to reflect happiness, even if I was struggling internally.
Throughout the years, I was continually "called into the office" to discuss what kind of progress I was making with the look on my face, and I sat through countless lectures about the importance of showing the "joy of Jesus" so that people would see it, and be attracted to Him.
Hmmm..... okay, so can I just tell you, that I am NOT into being fake? I have always wrestled with and resented the concept of being forced to proclaim something outwardly, that isn't coming from my core. I am EXTREMELY imperfect and human, and if God wants me to be transparent with Him and the rest of the world, unfortunately, that means there will be times when I struggle. And when I say struggle, I don't mean just the little bumps in the road like being late to church, getting cut off by a rude driver, breaking a dish, accidentally washing a white shirt with a red shirt. I mean the real, deep, life-altering kind of struggle. Losing a loved one, financial crisis, homelessness, lonliness, depression.... the list goes on and on.
Though I would never claim to have analyzed the Bible word for itty bitty word, I have never read anywhere that Jesus jumped out of bed with a smile on his face on the morning of His death. I don't see words that reflect fake public joy in His journey to the cross. On the contrary, according to the Bible I read, Jesus was so deeply effected by the impending events and the burden He bore, that it caused a physical reaction of sweat mixed with blood.
“And being in anguish, he prayed more earnestly, and his sweat was like drops of blood falling to the ground.”—Luke 22:44 (NKJV)
Soooo... why do we feel like we have to be so fake? Do we really think we're attracting people with our paste-on smiles and our insta-joy? Yes, there IS joy in the journey, but golly gee whiz, I mean for goodness sake and jeepers, for crying out loud (hehehe).....we're human too! Why can't we just be real with each other? Have we really become that protective of our pride, that we can't let others see how we're hurting?
I just don't know about us sometimes.
Just think.... if we showed more vulerability and became more transparent with each other, we might actually be able to.... **GASP**.... help and support each other. Perhaps we could show the "rest of the world" that God doesn't require perfection, and that, despite our bad days and struggles, He loves us more deeply than we know. Maybe, just maaaaaybe, Jesus could be reflected in our lives in a way that we never thought possible. Dare we take such a risk? Oh, swoon if you must, dear fellow mask wearers..... swoooooon.
All right... so I've always said, if you're going to promote something that's been "proven" to whiten your teeth, then go ahead.... SHOW ME YOUR TEETH. Show me that you've used it, and show me that it works. So.... below is a list of five things I struggle with. Read them, and then post five things of your own. Maybe we can help each other.....
1. I struggle with feeling like a resource instead of a person. The phone only rings when people want something from me.
2. I struggle with why people do or don't get healed from sicknesses, and I'm not afraid to ask questions about it.
3. I struggle with mediocrity.... simply existing, and never really making a difference.
4. I struggle with fear about what the future holds.
5. I struggle a lot with rejection.
Wow.... that's really not easy, is it? Still, I've opened the door. Now it's your turn, and remember.... be transparent!
Throughout the years, I was continually "called into the office" to discuss what kind of progress I was making with the look on my face, and I sat through countless lectures about the importance of showing the "joy of Jesus" so that people would see it, and be attracted to Him.
Hmmm..... okay, so can I just tell you, that I am NOT into being fake? I have always wrestled with and resented the concept of being forced to proclaim something outwardly, that isn't coming from my core. I am EXTREMELY imperfect and human, and if God wants me to be transparent with Him and the rest of the world, unfortunately, that means there will be times when I struggle. And when I say struggle, I don't mean just the little bumps in the road like being late to church, getting cut off by a rude driver, breaking a dish, accidentally washing a white shirt with a red shirt. I mean the real, deep, life-altering kind of struggle. Losing a loved one, financial crisis, homelessness, lonliness, depression.... the list goes on and on.
Though I would never claim to have analyzed the Bible word for itty bitty word, I have never read anywhere that Jesus jumped out of bed with a smile on his face on the morning of His death. I don't see words that reflect fake public joy in His journey to the cross. On the contrary, according to the Bible I read, Jesus was so deeply effected by the impending events and the burden He bore, that it caused a physical reaction of sweat mixed with blood.
“And being in anguish, he prayed more earnestly, and his sweat was like drops of blood falling to the ground.”—Luke 22:44 (NKJV)
Soooo... why do we feel like we have to be so fake? Do we really think we're attracting people with our paste-on smiles and our insta-joy? Yes, there IS joy in the journey, but golly gee whiz, I mean for goodness sake and jeepers, for crying out loud (hehehe).....we're human too! Why can't we just be real with each other? Have we really become that protective of our pride, that we can't let others see how we're hurting?
I just don't know about us sometimes.
Just think.... if we showed more vulerability and became more transparent with each other, we might actually be able to.... **GASP**.... help and support each other. Perhaps we could show the "rest of the world" that God doesn't require perfection, and that, despite our bad days and struggles, He loves us more deeply than we know. Maybe, just maaaaaybe, Jesus could be reflected in our lives in a way that we never thought possible. Dare we take such a risk? Oh, swoon if you must, dear fellow mask wearers..... swoooooon.
All right... so I've always said, if you're going to promote something that's been "proven" to whiten your teeth, then go ahead.... SHOW ME YOUR TEETH. Show me that you've used it, and show me that it works. So.... below is a list of five things I struggle with. Read them, and then post five things of your own. Maybe we can help each other.....
1. I struggle with feeling like a resource instead of a person. The phone only rings when people want something from me.
2. I struggle with why people do or don't get healed from sicknesses, and I'm not afraid to ask questions about it.
3. I struggle with mediocrity.... simply existing, and never really making a difference.
4. I struggle with fear about what the future holds.
5. I struggle a lot with rejection.
Wow.... that's really not easy, is it? Still, I've opened the door. Now it's your turn, and remember.... be transparent!
January 12, 2009
Who Decides??
Doctors are great. They work hard, they study hard, all in the name of making the world a better place. I don't particularly enjoy going to the doctor, and rarely find the need to do so, but I am extremely grateful for the time they take to make sure I stay healthy.
With physical health, there is a science to just about everything you can imagine when it comes to the human body. If you tweak this, it makes something else goes nutty, or if you tweak that, it makes something get better.
However, I'm not so sure I believe that emotional health is a science, and thus the reason for this post. I would like to know something....
WHO decides when you're emotionally healthy, and what gives them the right? Does a degree make you qualified to tell someone that they should be done with a certain part of a grieving process? Does eight plus years of schooling mean that you can decide when someone should move on.....stop feeling bad..... stop having a pity party...... quit crying.... stop this.... stop that.... start something..... do something......??
In my line of work, I hear multiple times every week about how people are hurting, desperate for help and answers. So many of them are lonely, scared, exhausted, depressed, grieving, and more miserable than they can sanely bear. And what answers do we have to give them? Pull yourself up by your boot straps? Get over it? Quit your whining?
Our society has set up this standard of living that people must rise to and live by. We've studied our way into codes and formulas that require us to graduate from level to level in order to be declared emotionally healthy. We get tired and irritated when someone is crying too much, or, as we like to call it, wallowing in self-pity.
I am certain that my opinion of this will cause some controversy, nevertheless, it contains three very bold words........ How DARE we.
How dare we have the audacity to say when someone should and shouldn't be done dealing with stuff. How dare we tell people to stop crying.... get over it.... move on. How dare we act in judgment, rather than with love, compassion and patience. There is not ONE medicine that works for every person to become physically healthy, so why do we presume to know how to emotionally "fix" everyone with formulas and standards?
Speaking to myself and my fellow followers of Jesus' teachings, WE are the ones who should have our standards based on just that, Jesus' teachings, NOT human docrine. We so often quote I Corinthians 13. You know the verses, right? The ones we quote at weddings and funerals. The ones that we affectionately refer to as the "love scriptures".....
"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres."
....but do we really LIVE them? Or... gosh... do we only live them until we get tired of dealing with people? I, like Paul, am the chief sinner when it comes to walking in the true sense of the word, love, and I'm pretty sure I fail more than I succeed. However, far be it from me to judge when someone should be "done" dealing with things.... "done" hurting.... "done" crying about it. I have no right, and neither does the rest of the world.
People are not projects that we can check off of our lists.
We speak to people of a loving, patient God, who made us in his image, but YIKES!! I don't know about anyone else, but this concept makes up a very scary equation. If God is love, and we're quoting the "love scriptures" to people while we're being impatient and judgmental, then why in the world would people want anything to do with Him?
Okay, okay, okay, I'll wrap it up. But please, at least think about it. Next time you start to get impatient with someone who's been dealing with stuff for a long period of time, remember that it's not our job as humans to declare people emotionally healthy. It's our job to love.... to REALLY love.... to wait.... to help, not abandon.... to be patient, kind and as gentle as we can possibly be.... and it's God's job, through Jesus, to declare when it is finished.
"So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed." John 8:36
With physical health, there is a science to just about everything you can imagine when it comes to the human body. If you tweak this, it makes something else goes nutty, or if you tweak that, it makes something get better.
However, I'm not so sure I believe that emotional health is a science, and thus the reason for this post. I would like to know something....
WHO decides when you're emotionally healthy, and what gives them the right? Does a degree make you qualified to tell someone that they should be done with a certain part of a grieving process? Does eight plus years of schooling mean that you can decide when someone should move on.....stop feeling bad..... stop having a pity party...... quit crying.... stop this.... stop that.... start something..... do something......??
In my line of work, I hear multiple times every week about how people are hurting, desperate for help and answers. So many of them are lonely, scared, exhausted, depressed, grieving, and more miserable than they can sanely bear. And what answers do we have to give them? Pull yourself up by your boot straps? Get over it? Quit your whining?
Our society has set up this standard of living that people must rise to and live by. We've studied our way into codes and formulas that require us to graduate from level to level in order to be declared emotionally healthy. We get tired and irritated when someone is crying too much, or, as we like to call it, wallowing in self-pity.
I am certain that my opinion of this will cause some controversy, nevertheless, it contains three very bold words........ How DARE we.
How dare we have the audacity to say when someone should and shouldn't be done dealing with stuff. How dare we tell people to stop crying.... get over it.... move on. How dare we act in judgment, rather than with love, compassion and patience. There is not ONE medicine that works for every person to become physically healthy, so why do we presume to know how to emotionally "fix" everyone with formulas and standards?
Speaking to myself and my fellow followers of Jesus' teachings, WE are the ones who should have our standards based on just that, Jesus' teachings, NOT human docrine. We so often quote I Corinthians 13. You know the verses, right? The ones we quote at weddings and funerals. The ones that we affectionately refer to as the "love scriptures".....
"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres."
....but do we really LIVE them? Or... gosh... do we only live them until we get tired of dealing with people? I, like Paul, am the chief sinner when it comes to walking in the true sense of the word, love, and I'm pretty sure I fail more than I succeed. However, far be it from me to judge when someone should be "done" dealing with things.... "done" hurting.... "done" crying about it. I have no right, and neither does the rest of the world.
People are not projects that we can check off of our lists.
We speak to people of a loving, patient God, who made us in his image, but YIKES!! I don't know about anyone else, but this concept makes up a very scary equation. If God is love, and we're quoting the "love scriptures" to people while we're being impatient and judgmental, then why in the world would people want anything to do with Him?
Okay, okay, okay, I'll wrap it up. But please, at least think about it. Next time you start to get impatient with someone who's been dealing with stuff for a long period of time, remember that it's not our job as humans to declare people emotionally healthy. It's our job to love.... to REALLY love.... to wait.... to help, not abandon.... to be patient, kind and as gentle as we can possibly be.... and it's God's job, through Jesus, to declare when it is finished.
"So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed." John 8:36
SWD #15
http://thesimplewoman.blogspot.com/
FOR TODAY (January 12, 2009)...
Outside my window... It's snowing pretty hard. We're supposed to be in for a large dump of snow and sub-zero temps. I don't mind, though. I am one of the few people I know who REALLY enjoy winter.
I am thinking... about how much I miss my mother.
I am thankful for... one more day with the people I care about. Life is not guaranteed, and you just never know when you're going to lose someone.
From the kitchen... I'm thinking something warm and cozy is in order for dinner.
I am wearing... black pants, pink turtleneck, black shirt, awesome earrings, funky pink and purple socks.
I am going... to be very busy over the next three weeks.
I am reading... the bills. Not much fun.
I am hoping... to stop the clock. If only I hadn't left my super powers at home.
I am hearing... people making funeral arrangements for their 101-year old mother who just passed away.
Around the house... I still haven't put all the Christmas stuff away. I may just leave it sitting on the floor for the next 10 months.
One of my favorite things... my cat. He's simply amazing.
A few plans for the rest of the week:
Check in with some people on house sitting duties.
Church.
Work.
Yeah.
Here is picture thought I am sharing... My friend and I were able to make candy before Christmas. Here's a pic of the chocolate covered cherries and peanut butter cups. I think we made a little over 400 pieces this year. Yum!
January 5, 2009
SWD #14
http://thesimplewoman.blogspot.com/
FOR TODAY (January 5, 2009)...
Outside my window... It's amazing how 27 degrees can feel HOT.
FOR TODAY (January 5, 2009)...
Outside my window... It's amazing how 27 degrees can feel HOT.
I am thinking... about what a superdork I am for posting an SWD on Friday, thinking it was Monday.
I am thankful for... the truth, and that when you know the truth inside your heart, no one can take it away from you no matter how hard they try.
From the kitchen... I made a pie. It was lovely. I ate the pie. The whole pie.
I am wearing... blue turtleneck, black shirt, black pants, funky socks, black shoes.
I am going... to have to face the fact that my dear friends are leaving for three months. *sigh*
I am reading... what other people have to say on their blogs.
I am hoping... to purchase a new computer in the next few months. We'll see how it goes.
I am hearing... the clanging of my bracelets on the desk.
Around the house... my cat yakked on the bed.... and the towel.... and my stinking slippers. Cat yak. On my slippers. Awesome.
One of my favorite things... crazy socks. Crazy socks rock.
A few plans for the rest of the week:
I don't know. I just have no idea.
Here is picture thought I am sharing... My brother and his wife own a 1912 mansion. It's so freaking awesome. Here's a picture of part of it from the back left corner.
January 2, 2009
Use Me Till I'm All Used Up...
Do you ever have those times when you need a supernatural word to describe how you're feeling? By supernatural, I mean a word that hasn't yet been invented. A word that's BIG enough to describe the intensity of emotions roaring through your body. I need these kinds of words when my skin confines me to humanness.... when I really want to just crawl out of that skin, toss it aside and be completely emancipated and celestial.
That's the kind of word I need to describe how I feel about the next few paragraphs....
I know a man who is a pastor here in Minnesota. He went to school to be a pastor. His livelihood, the church. His heart, the people. Several years ago, this pastor was diagnosed with throat cancer that landed him with, among other things, a permanent trach tube. He carries with him a small white board to write on, because the cancer also took nearly all of his speaking ability, and left him with not much more than groans.
I confess, it makes me angry to think about such a thing. WHY that?? WHY his voice... his passion... his heart...? Why? As a professing follower of Christ, I have been religiously trained to never ask why, but to trust. I have been told countless times, in various dialects of Christianese, that God's ways are bigger than our ways. While that's true, I've really never been good at not asking questions, so I DO ask why. However, I also trust that God is big enough and gentle enough to handle my doubts and fears, my questions, my humanness in its silliest form. If He's not big enough to handle ALL of that, then why trust in Him at all?
But, I digress...
This man was a GREAT pastor with powerful, meaningful sermons, but when he became one of the physically "un-pretty" people, he was, in a sense, tossed aside by the powers that be. As in, "well, you have this issue now, you know, so I guess there's really no place for you in the church. It's awkward and so.... um... bye."
His livelihood.... gone. Just like that.
Since all of this happened to him, he has been rejected in more ways than most people I know. My heart breaks when I see him, and I am moved, sometimes to tears, when I think about all he has lost. But you know what's strange? You will never see him without a smile on his face, and eyes that are illuminated with love for everyone around him.
He recently got involved in a ministry at the church I work for - a ministry involving caring for people who are receiving care through the local hospital - and his eyes light up with fervent excitement when he is called on to visit and pray with someone.
In a recent conversation with him, one of my co-workers was expressing her concern about calling on him too often, over-working him and wearing him out. His bout with cancer has left him with multiple health issues, and she wanted to be very aware and respectful of that fact.
What he said back to her was a simple, yet powerful statement, "Use me till I'm all used up."
(Insert supernatural word here.)
Use me till I'm all used up.............
In my religious experiences, I have discovered that the church universal is full of beautiful people with "nice, sensible" haircuts, tailored suits and the perfect shade of lipstick. They are eloquent, they are studied and have their various degrees from theological schools and doctrate programs. (Don't mistake my intention here, I think degrees are fine, and if you want a "sensible" haircut and a neutral-coloured lipstick, I say go for it! My intention is not to be judgmental or hypocritical in that way.) They fuss and fidget until the "new" Christians are conformed to the correct image of what a church person should look and act like. I know of many, many churches that even require a strict kind of dress if you want to step one foot on their platform.
But, ooooooh boy.......... DARE I step out on this shaky little limb?? So often, the "beautiful" people are SO busy running the church business, making the decisions about who can and can't take a leadership role, even deciding when one is "qualified" and has it "together" enough to do any kind of ministry at all, that they forget about who they're supposed to serving. Man-pleasers..... let's make things real pretty so people will like our church, our building, our leaders. Sometimes I wonder, if Jesus walked into our churches and asked to teach, would he be pushed to the back row until he could get his act together?
No, it's not this way in all churches, and I think (and hope) people are starting to see through the pharisitical, pompous attitudes, and get down to the dirty, wash-your-feet kind of ministry. But it is this way a lot of the time, and my question is, of course, WHY? WHY do we push the "uglies" out of the way to kiss the rings of the beautiful?
Okay, so enter my pastor friend. On the outside, he's not beautiful. His colour isn't quite right, his head is permanently tilted downward. He has no eloquent voice with which to deliver the perfectly fluctuated ten-minute sermon, and he can't really wear a tie anymore, due to the trach tube that protrudes from his neck. But I can tell you that this man is more like Jesus would want us to be than nearly anyone I know. He doesn't appear to care about being pretty, or official. He doesn't allow the communication challenge to stop him from doing exactly what God would want him to do..... care for His people. His heart is right.
Now, I try not to make a habit of randomly quoting scriptures just to back up my own opinions, as they are just that.... opinions. However, this man's life has deeply impacted me, and I am reminded of I Corinthians 1:27 (you should read the whole context - it's really good), "But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong."
I have to wonder who really is doing the greater "ministry", the beautiful seat-filled churches, with leaders in matching outfits and glossy shoes, or the humble man writing on his little white board, "Use me till I'm all used up"....
It's not mine to judge, but I know I personally can pray with abandon, "God, make me the most foolish of the fools, so that YOU can be glorified for who YOU are, not for who I am."
*shrug*
That's the kind of word I need to describe how I feel about the next few paragraphs....
I know a man who is a pastor here in Minnesota. He went to school to be a pastor. His livelihood, the church. His heart, the people. Several years ago, this pastor was diagnosed with throat cancer that landed him with, among other things, a permanent trach tube. He carries with him a small white board to write on, because the cancer also took nearly all of his speaking ability, and left him with not much more than groans.
I confess, it makes me angry to think about such a thing. WHY that?? WHY his voice... his passion... his heart...? Why? As a professing follower of Christ, I have been religiously trained to never ask why, but to trust. I have been told countless times, in various dialects of Christianese, that God's ways are bigger than our ways. While that's true, I've really never been good at not asking questions, so I DO ask why. However, I also trust that God is big enough and gentle enough to handle my doubts and fears, my questions, my humanness in its silliest form. If He's not big enough to handle ALL of that, then why trust in Him at all?
But, I digress...
This man was a GREAT pastor with powerful, meaningful sermons, but when he became one of the physically "un-pretty" people, he was, in a sense, tossed aside by the powers that be. As in, "well, you have this issue now, you know, so I guess there's really no place for you in the church. It's awkward and so.... um... bye."
His livelihood.... gone. Just like that.
Since all of this happened to him, he has been rejected in more ways than most people I know. My heart breaks when I see him, and I am moved, sometimes to tears, when I think about all he has lost. But you know what's strange? You will never see him without a smile on his face, and eyes that are illuminated with love for everyone around him.
He recently got involved in a ministry at the church I work for - a ministry involving caring for people who are receiving care through the local hospital - and his eyes light up with fervent excitement when he is called on to visit and pray with someone.
In a recent conversation with him, one of my co-workers was expressing her concern about calling on him too often, over-working him and wearing him out. His bout with cancer has left him with multiple health issues, and she wanted to be very aware and respectful of that fact.
What he said back to her was a simple, yet powerful statement, "Use me till I'm all used up."
(Insert supernatural word here.)
Use me till I'm all used up.............
In my religious experiences, I have discovered that the church universal is full of beautiful people with "nice, sensible" haircuts, tailored suits and the perfect shade of lipstick. They are eloquent, they are studied and have their various degrees from theological schools and doctrate programs. (Don't mistake my intention here, I think degrees are fine, and if you want a "sensible" haircut and a neutral-coloured lipstick, I say go for it! My intention is not to be judgmental or hypocritical in that way.) They fuss and fidget until the "new" Christians are conformed to the correct image of what a church person should look and act like. I know of many, many churches that even require a strict kind of dress if you want to step one foot on their platform.
But, ooooooh boy.......... DARE I step out on this shaky little limb?? So often, the "beautiful" people are SO busy running the church business, making the decisions about who can and can't take a leadership role, even deciding when one is "qualified" and has it "together" enough to do any kind of ministry at all, that they forget about who they're supposed to serving. Man-pleasers..... let's make things real pretty so people will like our church, our building, our leaders. Sometimes I wonder, if Jesus walked into our churches and asked to teach, would he be pushed to the back row until he could get his act together?
No, it's not this way in all churches, and I think (and hope) people are starting to see through the pharisitical, pompous attitudes, and get down to the dirty, wash-your-feet kind of ministry. But it is this way a lot of the time, and my question is, of course, WHY? WHY do we push the "uglies" out of the way to kiss the rings of the beautiful?
Okay, so enter my pastor friend. On the outside, he's not beautiful. His colour isn't quite right, his head is permanently tilted downward. He has no eloquent voice with which to deliver the perfectly fluctuated ten-minute sermon, and he can't really wear a tie anymore, due to the trach tube that protrudes from his neck. But I can tell you that this man is more like Jesus would want us to be than nearly anyone I know. He doesn't appear to care about being pretty, or official. He doesn't allow the communication challenge to stop him from doing exactly what God would want him to do..... care for His people. His heart is right.
Now, I try not to make a habit of randomly quoting scriptures just to back up my own opinions, as they are just that.... opinions. However, this man's life has deeply impacted me, and I am reminded of I Corinthians 1:27 (you should read the whole context - it's really good), "But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong."
I have to wonder who really is doing the greater "ministry", the beautiful seat-filled churches, with leaders in matching outfits and glossy shoes, or the humble man writing on his little white board, "Use me till I'm all used up"....
It's not mine to judge, but I know I personally can pray with abandon, "God, make me the most foolish of the fools, so that YOU can be glorified for who YOU are, not for who I am."
*shrug*
SWD #13
http://thesimplewoman.blogspot.com/FOR TODAY (January 2, 2009)...
Outside my window... It's 3 degrees, and there's really nothing exciting going on.
I am thinking... about Frank Simmons, my co-worker's brother who is in excruciating pain due to cancer. How I wish I could be the relief fairy and take it all away.
I am thankful for... everything..... really..... everything.
From the kitchen... last night, Jonathan made the biggest stinking cheesecake I've ever seen. It had orange zest in it, and was layered between two made-from-scratch chocolate cakes, with chocolate whipped cream frosting. It was approximately 7 inches tall and had enough calories to equal six-thousand workouts, but holy buckets, was it ever delicious.
I am wearing... hunter green turtleneck, jeans and comfy Friday shoes.
I am going... to try to get my house back in order after a month of being on the run constantly.
I am reading... through the icanhascheezburger.com website. So cute.
I am hoping... to find something interesting to say. Right now, I have nothing.
I am hearing... nothing. It's silent again.... one of those rare moments.
Around the house... I just replaced my Coca-Cola decorative stuff in the bathroom with the new black bear stuff I got for Christmas. SO exciting!!
One of my favorite things... I have too many favourites right now.
A few plans for the rest of the week:
Sleep.
Clean.
Finish a game of Mexican Train Dominoes.
Here is picture thought I am sharing... My mother had this shadow box made for me for Christmas. It has "Grandma stuff" in it - one of her pillow cases that I have had for years, three pictures of her, and the necklace she's wearing in the middle picture. It was one of the best things I've ever received. So awesome.
December 29, 2008
SWD #12
http://thesimplewoman.blogspot.com/
FOR TODAY (December 29, 2008)...
Outside my window... Let's see... I'm at my mom's house in Ohio... will have to look. It's sunny and windy. There's a patio chair that was overturned by the wind, leaves everywhere and the old faithful blue truck sitting in the driveway.
I am thinking... about how many people in my life got horribly sick with the stomach flu this past week. Really makes Christmas an adventure.
I am thankful for... the fact that, even though sickness sort of overtook us this season, it's nothing compared to cancer..... or starvation.... the loss of a loved one.
From the kitchen... my mother made me a lovely turkey sandwich for breakfast, like only she can do. :o)
I am wearing... jeans, black striped shirt over a black t-shirt and vacation hair.
I am going... to play the Wii with my mom, my brother and his fam.
I am reading... nothing. I'm on vacation.
I am hoping... to get home without any more major catastrophes.
I am hearing... my nephew talking to my mom about Alice in Wonderland.
Around the house... I'm not at my house, but around this house, signs on Christmas are starting to disappear.
One of my favorite things... spending time with my mom, and my brother and family.
A few plans for the rest of the week:
Hang out for a couple more days, then try to make it home.
Here is picture thought I am sharing...
I don't have a picture thought today, because I'm not near my own computer. However, if you can picture 9 cases of stomach flu in 5 days, bad weather, canceled trains, dead car AND truck batteries, keys locked in running cars...... you'll know some of what an adventure the last week has been. And I'm still smiling. I'm pretty sure it's only because I've lost my mind. :o)
Happy New Year!
FOR TODAY (December 29, 2008)...
Outside my window... Let's see... I'm at my mom's house in Ohio... will have to look. It's sunny and windy. There's a patio chair that was overturned by the wind, leaves everywhere and the old faithful blue truck sitting in the driveway.
I am thinking... about how many people in my life got horribly sick with the stomach flu this past week. Really makes Christmas an adventure.
I am thankful for... the fact that, even though sickness sort of overtook us this season, it's nothing compared to cancer..... or starvation.... the loss of a loved one.
From the kitchen... my mother made me a lovely turkey sandwich for breakfast, like only she can do. :o)
I am wearing... jeans, black striped shirt over a black t-shirt and vacation hair.
I am going... to play the Wii with my mom, my brother and his fam.
I am reading... nothing. I'm on vacation.
I am hoping... to get home without any more major catastrophes.
I am hearing... my nephew talking to my mom about Alice in Wonderland.
Around the house... I'm not at my house, but around this house, signs on Christmas are starting to disappear.
One of my favorite things... spending time with my mom, and my brother and family.
A few plans for the rest of the week:
Hang out for a couple more days, then try to make it home.
Here is picture thought I am sharing...
I don't have a picture thought today, because I'm not near my own computer. However, if you can picture 9 cases of stomach flu in 5 days, bad weather, canceled trains, dead car AND truck batteries, keys locked in running cars...... you'll know some of what an adventure the last week has been. And I'm still smiling. I'm pretty sure it's only because I've lost my mind. :o)
Happy New Year!
December 22, 2008
SWD #11
http://thesimplewoman.blogspot.com/FOR TODAY (December 22, 2008)...
Outside my window... It's -13 degrees with a windchill of -35. The snow is beautiful and crunchy, and my hair froze solid when I went outside.
I am thinking... about how I really don't want to be working this week.
I am thankful for... the fact that my mother arrived safely for Christmas. I'm also thankful for the wonderful time we're having together.
From the kitchen... The only thing I've had from my kitchen in the last five days is a glass of milk.
I am wearing... navy turtleneck, black sweater, navy pants, black shoes.....
I am creating... bulletins bulletins bulletins bulletins bulletins. Oh yeah, and bulletins.
I am going... to remember to warm the truck up so I don't have to sit in it and shiver.
I am reading... a lot of emails. I'm behind. Shock. Gasp. Faint.
I am hoping... to make these next few days the best ever.
I am hearing... my bed calling me. Come hooooooome..... cooooooome hooooooooome.....
Around the house... since I haven't been around much, my cat is now requiring me to show my ID at the door so he can make sure it's me entering.
One of my favorite things... Kids. Kids are so amazing... they can do ANYTHING. While most of the time, we think we should be the ones teaching, often we should be watching them and learning!
A few plans for the rest of the week:
Bulletins.
Bulletins.
More bulletins.
Some bulletins.
Larger bulletins.
Shopping.
Games.
Christmas fun.
Travel to Ohio.
Here is picture thought I am sharing... we had white out conditions the other day, and I, again being the rule-following driver that I am, snapped a shot of the road I was traveling on to remember what it looked like. THEN... while my mom and I were shopping, Mother Nature painted a GREAT picture on my windshield. Add some eyes, a nose and mouth and VOILA!
December 15, 2008
SWD #10
FOR TODAY (December 15, 2008)...
Outside my window... It's -6 degrees with a windchill of -32. The sun dogs are HUGE and gorgeous.
I am thinking... about what a busy weekend it was with four shows and a Christmas program. Wow.
I am thankful for... the talents God has given me, and the ability to use them.
From the kitchen... let me put it this way.... I haven't been home in the evenings since last Monday. I'll just leave it at that.
I am wearing... black turtleneck sweater, tan pants, black shoes..... and BRIGHT red and silver jingle bell earrings.
I am creating... thoughts and lists to finishing my Christmas shopping.
I am going... to attempt to clean my house before my mother gets here on Friday.
I am reading... welllllll..... I actually moved a book from the shelf to the night stand. I read the title now and then when I have a minute.
I am hoping... to not run out of money before I finish shopping.
I am hearing... the heater running.
Around the house... I thought something was wrong with the PS2 memory card because it wouldn't save my Katamari game. Turns out I was just dumb (surprise, gasp, faint). My brother helped me learn the PROPER way to save a game and all is well. Now I don't have to keep starting over.
One of my favorite things... hearing lots and lots of people singing together. Last night I heard them singing Christmas carols. It was fab.
A few plans for the rest of the week:
Christmas shopping.
Outside my window... It's -6 degrees with a windchill of -32. The sun dogs are HUGE and gorgeous.
I am thinking... about what a busy weekend it was with four shows and a Christmas program. Wow.
I am thankful for... the talents God has given me, and the ability to use them.
From the kitchen... let me put it this way.... I haven't been home in the evenings since last Monday. I'll just leave it at that.
I am wearing... black turtleneck sweater, tan pants, black shoes..... and BRIGHT red and silver jingle bell earrings.
I am creating... thoughts and lists to finishing my Christmas shopping.
I am going... to attempt to clean my house before my mother gets here on Friday.
I am reading... welllllll..... I actually moved a book from the shelf to the night stand. I read the title now and then when I have a minute.
I am hoping... to not run out of money before I finish shopping.
I am hearing... the heater running.
Around the house... I thought something was wrong with the PS2 memory card because it wouldn't save my Katamari game. Turns out I was just dumb (surprise, gasp, faint). My brother helped me learn the PROPER way to save a game and all is well. Now I don't have to keep starting over.
One of my favorite things... hearing lots and lots of people singing together. Last night I heard them singing Christmas carols. It was fab.
A few plans for the rest of the week:
Christmas shopping.
Brush-up rehearsal.
Mom arrives.
Three more performances.
Crash and burn.
Here is picture thought I am sharing... what is it with cats and Sorry!? The grey cat is Allige. The orange cat is my friend's cat, Reilly. They both INSIST on being in the middle of everything. Weirdos.
Here is picture thought I am sharing... what is it with cats and Sorry!? The grey cat is Allige. The orange cat is my friend's cat, Reilly. They both INSIST on being in the middle of everything. Weirdos.
December 8, 2008
SWD #9
http://thesimplewoman.blogspot.com/
FOR TODAY (December 8, 2008)...
Outside my window... It's 19 degrees and the clouds are preparing to dump a few inches of snow on us..... so they say. Well, the weather people say, that is, not the clouds. Clouds can't talk, you know. Or maybe they can talk and we just don't know their language. I don't speak cloud.
I am thinking... about what clouds might talk about. "Hey Whitey, did you see that dragon shape Bob made yesterday? He really has a gift for shapes. My specialty is hail."..............................
I am thankful for... everything.
From the kitchen... the dishes actually did start crawling out of the dishwasher. I had to call in the kitchen gnomes to assist.
I am wearing... navy blue pants, navy blue turtleneck, black sweater, black shoes. And yes, I CAN wear blue and black together if I want to!
I am creating... um.....chaos?
I am going... to be very frugal with time and money this week.
I am reading... schedules of the coming weeks' rehearsals and shows.
I am hoping... to keep track of everything, and not lose the joy of the season.
I am hearing... two people talking in the background. Bing Crosby singing Christmas songs. Sing it, Bing!
Around the house... let's see..... my cat still remembers me, even though I don't spend much time there right now.
One of my favorite things... Christmas trees. I LOVE Christmas trees.
A few plans for the rest of the week:
Rehearsal.
Rehearsal.
Rehearsal.
Rehearsal.
Church.
Concert.
Meeting.
Party.
Performance.
Performance.
Performance.
Performance.
Performance.
Oh yeah.... and maybe a light snack.
Here is picture thought I am sharing...It's not a picture, but it's a Garfield comic strip that made me laugh. (Copyright Jim Davis)
December 5, 2008
Until You've Had An Addiction...
I wonder how many times in my life I've said the words, "They got what they deserved" to people in conversations. I used to think it was a perfectly rational line of thought, as in, if you're going to dig your hole, don't be surprised when it caves in on top of you.
It's taken me a long time to realize what a nasty attitude that is about people and life in general. When I make a mistake, or royally mess something up, the last thing in the world I need is to be given the proverbial "you made your bed, now you have to lie in it" speech. Yet, how many times do we give that speech, either face to face, or worse, behind the scenes, without a clue of how hurtful it comes across to the defeated comrad?
I've prayed for God to give me more compassion over the years, and since watching people or animals suffer nearly sends me to the ground in agony, I'm calling Him Faithful on that one. In my search for a genuinely caring heart, I've discovered that addiction is one of the areas in which I've found a new interest.
For people who have never had an addiction, it's hard to understand why you can't "just quit" on the spot. Just make the decision to do it, right? Well, okay, but really, whether it's drugs, alcohol, television, computers, video games, sports, or any other thing we may latch on to, when it becomes and addiction, it takes over your life and leaves you with little self-discipline or control. That's WHY it's called addiction.
I highly doubt that anyone wakes up one morning and says, "Hmm... I think I'll see what I can get addicted to today." It just happens. We make decisions, yes, and we're accountable, yes, but we're also human. I know that, for me personally, if I could ever go a day without messing SOMETHING up, or making a wrong decision, I would probably wonder if I was having an out-of-body experience. This begs the question....
Why do we feel we have the RIGHT to judge or draw the line on what is an acceptable mistake and what's past the point of no return? Which mess-up deserves grace and mercy, and which deserves condemnation and finger-pointing shame?
I'm not negating the importance of consequences here, because unfortunately, consequences are sometimes the best teachers, but don't you think a "compassionate" God would want us to extend the hand of mercy, even in the worst of circumstances? If God is truly who He says He is, then He loves us NO MATTER WHAT, and when we get into trouble, or make a bad decision, He doesn't point the almighty finger at us and furrow His brow with rejection and anger. Rather, His unconditional love for us has Him extending both arms, pulling us close to his heart and walking us through our circumstances gently.
I suppose it should be no different for us in the way we treat people, especially those with addictions. We should be gentle, patient.....merciful..... even in the face of an addict who has "made their bed" and is now lying in it. Addiction destroys reason, obliterates rationality, sometimes even steals your sanity.
Compassion revives - WE could be the misty horizon of hope for someone struggling with addiction in a particular area, but we can't do it by sticking our self-righteous fingers in their face. Too harsh? Maybe, but isn't there a simple truth to all of this? If WE want to be given the second, third, tenth, hundredth chances when we mess things up, then I think we should probably start giving the same grace to others.
Or, perhaps once again, I am just another babbling blogger........
It's taken me a long time to realize what a nasty attitude that is about people and life in general. When I make a mistake, or royally mess something up, the last thing in the world I need is to be given the proverbial "you made your bed, now you have to lie in it" speech. Yet, how many times do we give that speech, either face to face, or worse, behind the scenes, without a clue of how hurtful it comes across to the defeated comrad?
I've prayed for God to give me more compassion over the years, and since watching people or animals suffer nearly sends me to the ground in agony, I'm calling Him Faithful on that one. In my search for a genuinely caring heart, I've discovered that addiction is one of the areas in which I've found a new interest.
For people who have never had an addiction, it's hard to understand why you can't "just quit" on the spot. Just make the decision to do it, right? Well, okay, but really, whether it's drugs, alcohol, television, computers, video games, sports, or any other thing we may latch on to, when it becomes and addiction, it takes over your life and leaves you with little self-discipline or control. That's WHY it's called addiction.
I highly doubt that anyone wakes up one morning and says, "Hmm... I think I'll see what I can get addicted to today." It just happens. We make decisions, yes, and we're accountable, yes, but we're also human. I know that, for me personally, if I could ever go a day without messing SOMETHING up, or making a wrong decision, I would probably wonder if I was having an out-of-body experience. This begs the question....
Why do we feel we have the RIGHT to judge or draw the line on what is an acceptable mistake and what's past the point of no return? Which mess-up deserves grace and mercy, and which deserves condemnation and finger-pointing shame?
I'm not negating the importance of consequences here, because unfortunately, consequences are sometimes the best teachers, but don't you think a "compassionate" God would want us to extend the hand of mercy, even in the worst of circumstances? If God is truly who He says He is, then He loves us NO MATTER WHAT, and when we get into trouble, or make a bad decision, He doesn't point the almighty finger at us and furrow His brow with rejection and anger. Rather, His unconditional love for us has Him extending both arms, pulling us close to his heart and walking us through our circumstances gently.
I suppose it should be no different for us in the way we treat people, especially those with addictions. We should be gentle, patient.....merciful..... even in the face of an addict who has "made their bed" and is now lying in it. Addiction destroys reason, obliterates rationality, sometimes even steals your sanity.
Compassion revives - WE could be the misty horizon of hope for someone struggling with addiction in a particular area, but we can't do it by sticking our self-righteous fingers in their face. Too harsh? Maybe, but isn't there a simple truth to all of this? If WE want to be given the second, third, tenth, hundredth chances when we mess things up, then I think we should probably start giving the same grace to others.
Or, perhaps once again, I am just another babbling blogger........
Useless Trivia....
If anyone can answer all of these questions about me correctly, I'll take them out for a lovely frothy beverage! I'll give you a hint..... you can cheat on some of these by looking at a previous post.
1. What's my favourite colour?
2. What are the two foods I absolutely cannot handle eating?
3. Name three words I don't like.
4. Name three words I DO like.
5. What's the first thing I do when I buy a new pair of shoes?
6. What's my cat's name?
7. Who was my best friend in high school?
8. Where does my mom live?
9. How many piercings and tattoos do I have?
10. Where did I go to college?
11. How many instruments do I play?
12. Name one of my favourite sayings.
13. How many siblings do I have?
14. What colour are my eyes?
15. Name three of my favourite smells.
16. What is my official title at work?
17. What kind of band do I play with?
18. To where have I always wanted to travel?
19. What are two of my biggest pet peeves?
20. What really hurts me?
21. How long have I lived in MN?
22. Name three jobs I've had in my life.
23. Do I like sweet or salty better?
24. Am I religious?
25. What kind of dancing do I just LOVE?
26. What makes me reeeeeeeeally happy?
27. How is my living room decorated?
28. Do I like sports?
29. If I were going to own a dog, what kind would I get?
30. One of my life's philosphies is......
1. What's my favourite colour?
2. What are the two foods I absolutely cannot handle eating?
3. Name three words I don't like.
4. Name three words I DO like.
5. What's the first thing I do when I buy a new pair of shoes?
6. What's my cat's name?
7. Who was my best friend in high school?
8. Where does my mom live?
9. How many piercings and tattoos do I have?
10. Where did I go to college?
11. How many instruments do I play?
12. Name one of my favourite sayings.
13. How many siblings do I have?
14. What colour are my eyes?
15. Name three of my favourite smells.
16. What is my official title at work?
17. What kind of band do I play with?
18. To where have I always wanted to travel?
19. What are two of my biggest pet peeves?
20. What really hurts me?
21. How long have I lived in MN?
22. Name three jobs I've had in my life.
23. Do I like sweet or salty better?
24. Am I religious?
25. What kind of dancing do I just LOVE?
26. What makes me reeeeeeeeally happy?
27. How is my living room decorated?
28. Do I like sports?
29. If I were going to own a dog, what kind would I get?
30. One of my life's philosphies is......
December 1, 2008
http://thesimplewoman.blogspot.com/
FOR TODAY (December 1, 2008)...
Outside my window... A fresh blanket of snow is on the ground that's rapidly turning brown from the salting/sanding trucks.
I am thinking... about a question my friend asked me regarding whether or not I see myself as a "simple woman". The answer is, of course, not even close. Perhaps I should start The Unusual Weirdo's Daybook??
I am STILL thankful for... my health and everything I have.
From the kitchen... the dishes are going to start crawling out of the dishwasher themselves if I don't put them away soon.
I am wearing... black pants, forrest green turtleneck, Harley-Davidson shoes.
I am creating... a gift for someone. :o)
I am going... to the theatre after work to check in on things.
I am reading... nope.... no time to read right now.
I am hoping... to slow my mind's time down for the next month and just enjoy things.
I am hearing... nothing. It's silent. Wow.
Around the house... I have Christmas presents laying around waiting to be wrapped!
One of my favorite things... the holiday season. I wish it would linger on....
A few plans for the rest of the week: I haven't gotten that far yet.
Here is a picture thought I am sharing...
I took some really bad quality pictures of my friend's Christmas tree lights last night. They're pretty. So... yeah. Here they are.
FOR TODAY (December 1, 2008)...
Outside my window... A fresh blanket of snow is on the ground that's rapidly turning brown from the salting/sanding trucks.
I am thinking... about a question my friend asked me regarding whether or not I see myself as a "simple woman". The answer is, of course, not even close. Perhaps I should start The Unusual Weirdo's Daybook??
I am STILL thankful for... my health and everything I have.
From the kitchen... the dishes are going to start crawling out of the dishwasher themselves if I don't put them away soon.
I am wearing... black pants, forrest green turtleneck, Harley-Davidson shoes.
I am creating... a gift for someone. :o)
I am going... to the theatre after work to check in on things.
I am reading... nope.... no time to read right now.
I am hoping... to slow my mind's time down for the next month and just enjoy things.
I am hearing... nothing. It's silent. Wow.
Around the house... I have Christmas presents laying around waiting to be wrapped!
One of my favorite things... the holiday season. I wish it would linger on....
A few plans for the rest of the week: I haven't gotten that far yet.
Here is a picture thought I am sharing...
I took some really bad quality pictures of my friend's Christmas tree lights last night. They're pretty. So... yeah. Here they are.
November 24, 2008
SWD #8
http://thesimplewoman.blogspot.com/
FOR TODAY (November 24, 2008)...
Outside my window... The trees have suddenly turned from their beautiful autumn colours to a bare brown stick look.
I am thinking... about my stepmother. Her birthday is tomorrow.
I am STILL thankful for... my health. So many people around me are sick and suffering.
From the kitchen... I'm looking forward to having one of Jonathan's chocolate truffle cookies. They are amazing.
I am wearing... white turtleneck, black sweater, black pants, black and white chunky shoes and penguin earrings.
I am creating... a list of potential purchases on Black Friday. Woo!!
I am going... to enjoy this coming weekend immensely.
I am reading...the newspaper from Saturday.
I am hoping... I do okay leading two parent meetings tonight and tomorrow night.
I am hearing... the steadiness of a ticking clock.
Around the house... I am enjoying having Christmas decorations for the first time in my adult life.
One of my favorite things... the smell of pine trees. There's just nothing like it.
A few plans for the rest of the week:
Two meetings, a girls' night, Thanksgiving day fun and 4:00AM Black Friday shopping!
Here is a picture thought I am sharing... My larger-than-life cat thinks he's a tiny baby, and must have four treats every night before bed. Lately, after the treat ritual, he's taken to pawing at my cheek and my covers until I let him in. He then curls up as close to me as possible (as in, if he were any closer, he'd be wearing my pajamas), puts his head on my pillow and falls asleep. I was able to snap a couple of not-so-good pictures with my phone the other night. Isn't he goofy? What a goob.
November 17, 2008
SWD #7
http://thesimplewoman.blogspot.com/FOR TODAY (November 17, 2008)...
Outside my window... I am finally starting to see signs of winter. It's about time.
I am thinking... about how my motives have been judged by someone who ought to know better, and how badly that hurts.
I am thankful for... my health.
From the kitchen... I'm stuck on Cap'n Crunch Christmas Crunchberries. So nutritious.
I am wearing... black turtleneck, tan pants, black shoes. It was the first thing I saw in the closet this morning.
I am creating... a list of items to be covered in a meeting later today. Hope I have all my ducks in a row. What in the world does that mean, anyway.... to have all your ducks in a row? I've never seen anyone line up ducks.
I am going... to clean my kitchen tonight. I think.
I am reading...nope.... still no time to read, though I did read some of the newspaper last night.
I am hoping... my mother actually gets her late birthday present today.
I am hearing... extremely harsh words echoing in my head.
Around the house... I must empty the litter box, lest the beast begin to rebel.
One of my favorite things... Christmas movies.
A few plans for the rest of the week:
Helping my friend paint her bedroom.
Paying bills.
Other insignificant stuff.
Here is picture thought I am sharing... For Administrative Professionals Day this year, someone gave me a miniature rose bush. It blossomed well inside the office with little quarter-size mini roses. However, I soon discovered it had been taken over by gnats, so I set it outside the back door, thinking it would die. Well.... not only did it stay alive, but it decided to valiantly put out one last little blossom. It fought and fought and FINALLY opened up its petite petals. The next day it snowed and the little rose died. The end. *sigh*
November 10, 2008
SWD #6
http://thesimplewoman.blogspot.com/
FOR TODAY (November 10, 2008)...
Outside my window... it's a balmy 25 degrees and the sun is shining.
I am thinking... about how I failed to get my mother's birthday present to her on time.
I am thankful for... her forgiveness.
From the kitchen... I made brownies last night, and they tasted like carboard. I'm thinking I won't buy that brand again. You'd think Ghirardelli would have been better.
I am wearing... black turtleneck, black and grey palazzo pants, black boots and a black beret.
I am creating... a sign-up sheet for volunteer opportunities.
I am going... to attempt to get my remote starter installed in my truck before winter gets here.
I am reading...nope.... still no time to read.
I am hoping... to force myself to go home tonight and just be there.
I am hearing... the heater running in the background, and the clock ticking. It's nice and quiet for the moment.
Around the house... I am going through old cassette tapes to see what I should keep and what I should throw away.
One of my favorite things... is cozying up at home with my lumberjack jammies on, the fireplace going, the lights on the trees (yes, I have many pine trees in my house) glowing softly, and cinnamon candles mixed with some balsam fir incense wafting through the rooms.
A few plans for the rest of the week:
Must make up Christmas lists and get them to my momala.
Must also get momala's birthday present to her.... late.... as usual. *sigh*
Here is picture thought I am sharing... I walked out of my friend's house last night and discovered my truck like this. I'm not exactly sure what I did to make the little birdies angry with me, but they have definitely made a statement. I stopped counting the poop splotches when I got to 75. (One wonders WHY I bothered counting them in the first place, right?) I've never seen anything like it. Too bad it wasn't the bluebird of happiness - today I'd be high on life. :o)
November 6, 2008
Living with Regret
This morning I was greeted by the maintenance man whose brother has been fighting a battle with cancer. It was a normal morning....
"Morning, Michele."
"Morning, Bill."
.....until......
"Well, things took a turn for the worse last night."
"Uh oh, that doesn't sound good."
..... Bill went on to tell me that his brother's cancer has spread to his bones and that there's nothing more they can do for him, so they're sending him home for hospice care.
Hospice care. A term I've become all too familiar with, as hospice was involved when Elmer passed away last year. You only get hospice care when you have "less than six months to live" according to the doctors.
I'm speechless, and immediately, my thoughts turn to something I wrote in a letter several years ago regarding living with regret. Perhaps living in the same city as the world renown Mayo Clinic I am exposed to more illness and suffering than someone living in podunk USA, but it seems like every time I turn around, I hear about someone dying. A mother, an uncle, a grandparent, a friend.... a child. I wonder, when I hear these stories, how many of those dealing with a the devastation of losing someone are also dealing with regret.
I should have said..... I shouldn't have done..... I could have.... I never did..... words you must live with for the rest of your own time on earth. Living with regret is a very difficult thing, as it's not something that really goes away. It's almost as if it develops a personality and sticks its ugly tongue out at you, because it knows that it's too late for you to do anything about the past.
When I think about Bill and his sweet brother, my heart weeps such bitter tears, as I know they don't have much time to do and say everything necessary to prevent having to live (or pass on) with regret looming over them. Why do we wait so long? Why does it take a crisis to get us to move?
My mother informed me last night that she told one of our relatives that I don't have time to talk on the phone anymore because I'm so busy. So I ask myself, "Self.... do you REALLY want to live with the regret of having not spent more time on the phone with your mom?" The answer is a definitive NO. I am planning on having my mother around for many, many years to come, but there really is no guarantee is there? If (and God, I would really appreciate not being tested in this area) something were to happen to her today or tomorrow, would I be satisfied and content that I did all I could to show her how much I love and value her?
It's simple. I must improve. Same with my dad, same with my brother, my grandmother, my friends. I must improve! I want them to know without a shadow of a doubt that I love them more than air. I must get back to taking advantage of every opportunity I am given to say, "I love you. You are valuable to me. I am glad you are in my life."
I encourage you as well, to find the time you need to say all you must say, and do all you must do to show people how much you love them. YOU are the one who has to live with regret. Do all you can to avoid it - even if it means stretching yourself beyond your emotional comfort zone, and for goodness sake, don't wait for the crisis to be your catapult!
With that, I remain.... I love you all. You are valuable to me, and I am glad you're in my life.
"Morning, Michele."
"Morning, Bill."
.....until......
"Well, things took a turn for the worse last night."
"Uh oh, that doesn't sound good."
..... Bill went on to tell me that his brother's cancer has spread to his bones and that there's nothing more they can do for him, so they're sending him home for hospice care.
Hospice care. A term I've become all too familiar with, as hospice was involved when Elmer passed away last year. You only get hospice care when you have "less than six months to live" according to the doctors.
I'm speechless, and immediately, my thoughts turn to something I wrote in a letter several years ago regarding living with regret. Perhaps living in the same city as the world renown Mayo Clinic I am exposed to more illness and suffering than someone living in podunk USA, but it seems like every time I turn around, I hear about someone dying. A mother, an uncle, a grandparent, a friend.... a child. I wonder, when I hear these stories, how many of those dealing with a the devastation of losing someone are also dealing with regret.
I should have said..... I shouldn't have done..... I could have.... I never did..... words you must live with for the rest of your own time on earth. Living with regret is a very difficult thing, as it's not something that really goes away. It's almost as if it develops a personality and sticks its ugly tongue out at you, because it knows that it's too late for you to do anything about the past.
When I think about Bill and his sweet brother, my heart weeps such bitter tears, as I know they don't have much time to do and say everything necessary to prevent having to live (or pass on) with regret looming over them. Why do we wait so long? Why does it take a crisis to get us to move?
My mother informed me last night that she told one of our relatives that I don't have time to talk on the phone anymore because I'm so busy. So I ask myself, "Self.... do you REALLY want to live with the regret of having not spent more time on the phone with your mom?" The answer is a definitive NO. I am planning on having my mother around for many, many years to come, but there really is no guarantee is there? If (and God, I would really appreciate not being tested in this area) something were to happen to her today or tomorrow, would I be satisfied and content that I did all I could to show her how much I love and value her?
It's simple. I must improve. Same with my dad, same with my brother, my grandmother, my friends. I must improve! I want them to know without a shadow of a doubt that I love them more than air. I must get back to taking advantage of every opportunity I am given to say, "I love you. You are valuable to me. I am glad you are in my life."
I encourage you as well, to find the time you need to say all you must say, and do all you must do to show people how much you love them. YOU are the one who has to live with regret. Do all you can to avoid it - even if it means stretching yourself beyond your emotional comfort zone, and for goodness sake, don't wait for the crisis to be your catapult!
With that, I remain.... I love you all. You are valuable to me, and I am glad you're in my life.
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