I work for a church, so dealing with death is part of what we do, but it is never easy, and it leaves a mark on your heart every time. In the last week and a half, we had six funerals. Six is a lot in one week, but the two we had at the end of last week were the ones that impacted me the most. I attended both of them, back to back on Friday morning.
One lady, Nancy, died from what's called Broken Heart Syndrome, as a direct result of finding her own father dead. A father that she had dedicated her entire life to caring for, even giving up marriage and a family of her own. She found him on the floor in the middle of the night, and less than 5 days later, she was gone as well. She was 61. Shocking, and extremely painful to think about, as she was an AMAZING lady.
The other funeral was for our custodian's brother, Frank, whom I've actually written about in a previous post. He died from cancer. He leaves behind a beautiful wife, Tammy, a son, Jeremiah, and siblings that loved him very, very much. It seems like the entire community pulled together and fought for Frank's life, but sadly, he lost his battle on Sunday, January 18th.
Both of them so tragic, and extremely difficult to accept.
Okay... sooo... I've written before about not living with regret, but lately I've been faced with an embracing reality check, and these two deaths have served to make this check larger than life. My friends, at some point we have to realize how much we take for granted. We say goodbye to our friends and family members, co-workers and mail carriers, acquaintences and even our enemies on a daily basis. Sometimes we leave happy with each other, and sometimes we leave just downright angry, having said harsh words that sting the core.
My reality check...... what if one of these times you leave angry, and it's the last time you see that person alive? How will you feel about the way you acted... the way you treated someone... the words that flew out of your mouth? In the morning, when you're frustrated with your kids, your parents, your siblings, your husband, or even the dog, how often do you throw out an obligated wave goodbye, assuming that you will just see them later?
I can sometimes take things to extremes as I roll them over in my mind, so I want you to know that it's not my intention to create fear in this post. However, I do think all of us could slow down just a little and really think about our words, actions and flippant assumptions that life will just be the same tomorrow as it was today. We must not take "the usual" for granted, as we are not promised the next minute, let alone tomorrow. Anything can happen... at any time... to anyone in our lives.
I really don't know that there's much more I can say about this subject. Perhaps we should just let the conviction we're feeling about our own words and actions move us toward change, so that we treat others like it's the last time we may see them.
It sort of gives a whole new perspective on the verse, "'In your anger do not sin': Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry." (Ephesians 4:26)
January 26, 2009
SWD #17
http://thesimplewoman.blogspot.com/
FOR TODAY (January 26, 2009)...
Outside my window... Nothing special, really. It's 7 degrees, an average Minnesota day.
I am thinking... about getting my taxes done. I'm not one to procrastinate on them. Mostly because I need the money. :o)
I am thankful for... all the SuperChurch kids and youth helpers. They are so amazing, and I'm so privileged to be able to work with them.
From the kitchen... I've been into this new cereal lately. I think Kellogg's makes it - frosted chocolate shredded wheat bites. They're so small... just the right size for a bite. YUMMO.
I am wearing... Navy turtleneck, tan pants, argyle socks, straightened my hair. It's getting long.
I am creating... a schedule. Need one. Badly.
I am going... to water a crazy load of plants tonight. So many plants, so little time.
I am reading... up on how to get rid of a gnat infestation. Stupid gnats. My current method is only serving to gross me out. I've been spraying them with Windex, and now there are little gnat carcasses stuck all over the office windows. Ew.
I am hearing... the hum of the printer.
Around the house... I am really enjoying having a treadmill. It's so great to be able to just get on and walk/run. Good investment.
One of my favourite things... sleep. Oh, how I love it. Sleep is my favourite.
A few plans for the rest of the week:
Walmart.
Plants.
Yeah. I dunno what else.
Here is picture thought I am sharing... I don't have ANY idea why I took this picture. It's my eye. It's green. Yep.
FOR TODAY (January 26, 2009)...
Outside my window... Nothing special, really. It's 7 degrees, an average Minnesota day.
I am thinking... about getting my taxes done. I'm not one to procrastinate on them. Mostly because I need the money. :o)
I am thankful for... all the SuperChurch kids and youth helpers. They are so amazing, and I'm so privileged to be able to work with them.
From the kitchen... I've been into this new cereal lately. I think Kellogg's makes it - frosted chocolate shredded wheat bites. They're so small... just the right size for a bite. YUMMO.
I am wearing... Navy turtleneck, tan pants, argyle socks, straightened my hair. It's getting long.
I am creating... a schedule. Need one. Badly.
I am going... to water a crazy load of plants tonight. So many plants, so little time.
I am reading... up on how to get rid of a gnat infestation. Stupid gnats. My current method is only serving to gross me out. I've been spraying them with Windex, and now there are little gnat carcasses stuck all over the office windows. Ew.
I am hearing... the hum of the printer.
Around the house... I am really enjoying having a treadmill. It's so great to be able to just get on and walk/run. Good investment.
One of my favourite things... sleep. Oh, how I love it. Sleep is my favourite.
A few plans for the rest of the week:
Walmart.
Plants.
Yeah. I dunno what else.
Here is picture thought I am sharing... I don't have ANY idea why I took this picture. It's my eye. It's green. Yep.
January 19, 2009
SWD #16
http://thesimplewoman.blogspot.com/
FOR TODAY (January 19, 2009)...
Outside my window... It's warmed up to 10 degrees. The sun is shining, but somehow it seems like a very dark day.
I am thinking... about how many people died this weekend. It's part of my job to "deal" with death, but it never gets easier.
I am thankful for... the fact that right now, this minute, I still have my family and friends. Life is never guaranteed.
From the kitchen... leftover broccoli noodle goo. It's the best I could do on a moment's notice.
I am wearing... black pants, black turtleneck, red sweater, boots. Funeral clothes (Yes, Mother, I know you're not supposed to wear red to a funeral...:o)....).
I am creating... a list of thank you notes to write. I haven't gotten them done yet. Shame.
I am going... get together with my dear friend. We haven't had time together in months.
I am reading... the obituaries.
I am hearing... the church ladies making lunch for the funeral this afternoon.
Around the house... nothing to report. It's just there for now.
One of my favorite things... the mornings when I don't have to get out of my warm cozy bed until I'm good and ready. Those days are few and far between.
A few plans for the rest of the week:
Two funerals today.
One funeral Thursday.
Two funerals Friday.
Happy week.
Here is picture thought I am sharing... Last week it was minus 24 degrees, with a minus 51 degree windchill, and the sun dogs (the rainbow around the sun) were the biggest and most beautiful I've ever seen. I can't believe I actually captured a decent shot with my phone camera. Who says there isn't beauty in cold weather?
January 16, 2009
Can I Just Be Transparent, Please?
I used to attend a church that struggled with control. I was told by my superiors, that as a member of church leadership, I HAD to have a smile on my face when I was in the building. My appearance HAD to be neat, and my face HAD to reflect happiness, even if I was struggling internally.
Throughout the years, I was continually "called into the office" to discuss what kind of progress I was making with the look on my face, and I sat through countless lectures about the importance of showing the "joy of Jesus" so that people would see it, and be attracted to Him.
Hmmm..... okay, so can I just tell you, that I am NOT into being fake? I have always wrestled with and resented the concept of being forced to proclaim something outwardly, that isn't coming from my core. I am EXTREMELY imperfect and human, and if God wants me to be transparent with Him and the rest of the world, unfortunately, that means there will be times when I struggle. And when I say struggle, I don't mean just the little bumps in the road like being late to church, getting cut off by a rude driver, breaking a dish, accidentally washing a white shirt with a red shirt. I mean the real, deep, life-altering kind of struggle. Losing a loved one, financial crisis, homelessness, lonliness, depression.... the list goes on and on.
Though I would never claim to have analyzed the Bible word for itty bitty word, I have never read anywhere that Jesus jumped out of bed with a smile on his face on the morning of His death. I don't see words that reflect fake public joy in His journey to the cross. On the contrary, according to the Bible I read, Jesus was so deeply effected by the impending events and the burden He bore, that it caused a physical reaction of sweat mixed with blood.
“And being in anguish, he prayed more earnestly, and his sweat was like drops of blood falling to the ground.”—Luke 22:44 (NKJV)
Soooo... why do we feel like we have to be so fake? Do we really think we're attracting people with our paste-on smiles and our insta-joy? Yes, there IS joy in the journey, but golly gee whiz, I mean for goodness sake and jeepers, for crying out loud (hehehe).....we're human too! Why can't we just be real with each other? Have we really become that protective of our pride, that we can't let others see how we're hurting?
I just don't know about us sometimes.
Just think.... if we showed more vulerability and became more transparent with each other, we might actually be able to.... **GASP**.... help and support each other. Perhaps we could show the "rest of the world" that God doesn't require perfection, and that, despite our bad days and struggles, He loves us more deeply than we know. Maybe, just maaaaaybe, Jesus could be reflected in our lives in a way that we never thought possible. Dare we take such a risk? Oh, swoon if you must, dear fellow mask wearers..... swoooooon.
All right... so I've always said, if you're going to promote something that's been "proven" to whiten your teeth, then go ahead.... SHOW ME YOUR TEETH. Show me that you've used it, and show me that it works. So.... below is a list of five things I struggle with. Read them, and then post five things of your own. Maybe we can help each other.....
1. I struggle with feeling like a resource instead of a person. The phone only rings when people want something from me.
2. I struggle with why people do or don't get healed from sicknesses, and I'm not afraid to ask questions about it.
3. I struggle with mediocrity.... simply existing, and never really making a difference.
4. I struggle with fear about what the future holds.
5. I struggle a lot with rejection.
Wow.... that's really not easy, is it? Still, I've opened the door. Now it's your turn, and remember.... be transparent!
Throughout the years, I was continually "called into the office" to discuss what kind of progress I was making with the look on my face, and I sat through countless lectures about the importance of showing the "joy of Jesus" so that people would see it, and be attracted to Him.
Hmmm..... okay, so can I just tell you, that I am NOT into being fake? I have always wrestled with and resented the concept of being forced to proclaim something outwardly, that isn't coming from my core. I am EXTREMELY imperfect and human, and if God wants me to be transparent with Him and the rest of the world, unfortunately, that means there will be times when I struggle. And when I say struggle, I don't mean just the little bumps in the road like being late to church, getting cut off by a rude driver, breaking a dish, accidentally washing a white shirt with a red shirt. I mean the real, deep, life-altering kind of struggle. Losing a loved one, financial crisis, homelessness, lonliness, depression.... the list goes on and on.
Though I would never claim to have analyzed the Bible word for itty bitty word, I have never read anywhere that Jesus jumped out of bed with a smile on his face on the morning of His death. I don't see words that reflect fake public joy in His journey to the cross. On the contrary, according to the Bible I read, Jesus was so deeply effected by the impending events and the burden He bore, that it caused a physical reaction of sweat mixed with blood.
“And being in anguish, he prayed more earnestly, and his sweat was like drops of blood falling to the ground.”—Luke 22:44 (NKJV)
Soooo... why do we feel like we have to be so fake? Do we really think we're attracting people with our paste-on smiles and our insta-joy? Yes, there IS joy in the journey, but golly gee whiz, I mean for goodness sake and jeepers, for crying out loud (hehehe).....we're human too! Why can't we just be real with each other? Have we really become that protective of our pride, that we can't let others see how we're hurting?
I just don't know about us sometimes.
Just think.... if we showed more vulerability and became more transparent with each other, we might actually be able to.... **GASP**.... help and support each other. Perhaps we could show the "rest of the world" that God doesn't require perfection, and that, despite our bad days and struggles, He loves us more deeply than we know. Maybe, just maaaaaybe, Jesus could be reflected in our lives in a way that we never thought possible. Dare we take such a risk? Oh, swoon if you must, dear fellow mask wearers..... swoooooon.
All right... so I've always said, if you're going to promote something that's been "proven" to whiten your teeth, then go ahead.... SHOW ME YOUR TEETH. Show me that you've used it, and show me that it works. So.... below is a list of five things I struggle with. Read them, and then post five things of your own. Maybe we can help each other.....
1. I struggle with feeling like a resource instead of a person. The phone only rings when people want something from me.
2. I struggle with why people do or don't get healed from sicknesses, and I'm not afraid to ask questions about it.
3. I struggle with mediocrity.... simply existing, and never really making a difference.
4. I struggle with fear about what the future holds.
5. I struggle a lot with rejection.
Wow.... that's really not easy, is it? Still, I've opened the door. Now it's your turn, and remember.... be transparent!
January 12, 2009
Who Decides??
Doctors are great. They work hard, they study hard, all in the name of making the world a better place. I don't particularly enjoy going to the doctor, and rarely find the need to do so, but I am extremely grateful for the time they take to make sure I stay healthy.
With physical health, there is a science to just about everything you can imagine when it comes to the human body. If you tweak this, it makes something else goes nutty, or if you tweak that, it makes something get better.
However, I'm not so sure I believe that emotional health is a science, and thus the reason for this post. I would like to know something....
WHO decides when you're emotionally healthy, and what gives them the right? Does a degree make you qualified to tell someone that they should be done with a certain part of a grieving process? Does eight plus years of schooling mean that you can decide when someone should move on.....stop feeling bad..... stop having a pity party...... quit crying.... stop this.... stop that.... start something..... do something......??
In my line of work, I hear multiple times every week about how people are hurting, desperate for help and answers. So many of them are lonely, scared, exhausted, depressed, grieving, and more miserable than they can sanely bear. And what answers do we have to give them? Pull yourself up by your boot straps? Get over it? Quit your whining?
Our society has set up this standard of living that people must rise to and live by. We've studied our way into codes and formulas that require us to graduate from level to level in order to be declared emotionally healthy. We get tired and irritated when someone is crying too much, or, as we like to call it, wallowing in self-pity.
I am certain that my opinion of this will cause some controversy, nevertheless, it contains three very bold words........ How DARE we.
How dare we have the audacity to say when someone should and shouldn't be done dealing with stuff. How dare we tell people to stop crying.... get over it.... move on. How dare we act in judgment, rather than with love, compassion and patience. There is not ONE medicine that works for every person to become physically healthy, so why do we presume to know how to emotionally "fix" everyone with formulas and standards?
Speaking to myself and my fellow followers of Jesus' teachings, WE are the ones who should have our standards based on just that, Jesus' teachings, NOT human docrine. We so often quote I Corinthians 13. You know the verses, right? The ones we quote at weddings and funerals. The ones that we affectionately refer to as the "love scriptures".....
"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres."
....but do we really LIVE them? Or... gosh... do we only live them until we get tired of dealing with people? I, like Paul, am the chief sinner when it comes to walking in the true sense of the word, love, and I'm pretty sure I fail more than I succeed. However, far be it from me to judge when someone should be "done" dealing with things.... "done" hurting.... "done" crying about it. I have no right, and neither does the rest of the world.
People are not projects that we can check off of our lists.
We speak to people of a loving, patient God, who made us in his image, but YIKES!! I don't know about anyone else, but this concept makes up a very scary equation. If God is love, and we're quoting the "love scriptures" to people while we're being impatient and judgmental, then why in the world would people want anything to do with Him?
Okay, okay, okay, I'll wrap it up. But please, at least think about it. Next time you start to get impatient with someone who's been dealing with stuff for a long period of time, remember that it's not our job as humans to declare people emotionally healthy. It's our job to love.... to REALLY love.... to wait.... to help, not abandon.... to be patient, kind and as gentle as we can possibly be.... and it's God's job, through Jesus, to declare when it is finished.
"So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed." John 8:36
With physical health, there is a science to just about everything you can imagine when it comes to the human body. If you tweak this, it makes something else goes nutty, or if you tweak that, it makes something get better.
However, I'm not so sure I believe that emotional health is a science, and thus the reason for this post. I would like to know something....
WHO decides when you're emotionally healthy, and what gives them the right? Does a degree make you qualified to tell someone that they should be done with a certain part of a grieving process? Does eight plus years of schooling mean that you can decide when someone should move on.....stop feeling bad..... stop having a pity party...... quit crying.... stop this.... stop that.... start something..... do something......??
In my line of work, I hear multiple times every week about how people are hurting, desperate for help and answers. So many of them are lonely, scared, exhausted, depressed, grieving, and more miserable than they can sanely bear. And what answers do we have to give them? Pull yourself up by your boot straps? Get over it? Quit your whining?
Our society has set up this standard of living that people must rise to and live by. We've studied our way into codes and formulas that require us to graduate from level to level in order to be declared emotionally healthy. We get tired and irritated when someone is crying too much, or, as we like to call it, wallowing in self-pity.
I am certain that my opinion of this will cause some controversy, nevertheless, it contains three very bold words........ How DARE we.
How dare we have the audacity to say when someone should and shouldn't be done dealing with stuff. How dare we tell people to stop crying.... get over it.... move on. How dare we act in judgment, rather than with love, compassion and patience. There is not ONE medicine that works for every person to become physically healthy, so why do we presume to know how to emotionally "fix" everyone with formulas and standards?
Speaking to myself and my fellow followers of Jesus' teachings, WE are the ones who should have our standards based on just that, Jesus' teachings, NOT human docrine. We so often quote I Corinthians 13. You know the verses, right? The ones we quote at weddings and funerals. The ones that we affectionately refer to as the "love scriptures".....
"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres."
....but do we really LIVE them? Or... gosh... do we only live them until we get tired of dealing with people? I, like Paul, am the chief sinner when it comes to walking in the true sense of the word, love, and I'm pretty sure I fail more than I succeed. However, far be it from me to judge when someone should be "done" dealing with things.... "done" hurting.... "done" crying about it. I have no right, and neither does the rest of the world.
People are not projects that we can check off of our lists.
We speak to people of a loving, patient God, who made us in his image, but YIKES!! I don't know about anyone else, but this concept makes up a very scary equation. If God is love, and we're quoting the "love scriptures" to people while we're being impatient and judgmental, then why in the world would people want anything to do with Him?
Okay, okay, okay, I'll wrap it up. But please, at least think about it. Next time you start to get impatient with someone who's been dealing with stuff for a long period of time, remember that it's not our job as humans to declare people emotionally healthy. It's our job to love.... to REALLY love.... to wait.... to help, not abandon.... to be patient, kind and as gentle as we can possibly be.... and it's God's job, through Jesus, to declare when it is finished.
"So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed." John 8:36
SWD #15
http://thesimplewoman.blogspot.com/
FOR TODAY (January 12, 2009)...
Outside my window... It's snowing pretty hard. We're supposed to be in for a large dump of snow and sub-zero temps. I don't mind, though. I am one of the few people I know who REALLY enjoy winter.
I am thinking... about how much I miss my mother.
I am thankful for... one more day with the people I care about. Life is not guaranteed, and you just never know when you're going to lose someone.
From the kitchen... I'm thinking something warm and cozy is in order for dinner.
I am wearing... black pants, pink turtleneck, black shirt, awesome earrings, funky pink and purple socks.
I am going... to be very busy over the next three weeks.
I am reading... the bills. Not much fun.
I am hoping... to stop the clock. If only I hadn't left my super powers at home.
I am hearing... people making funeral arrangements for their 101-year old mother who just passed away.
Around the house... I still haven't put all the Christmas stuff away. I may just leave it sitting on the floor for the next 10 months.
One of my favorite things... my cat. He's simply amazing.
A few plans for the rest of the week:
Check in with some people on house sitting duties.
Church.
Work.
Yeah.
Here is picture thought I am sharing... My friend and I were able to make candy before Christmas. Here's a pic of the chocolate covered cherries and peanut butter cups. I think we made a little over 400 pieces this year. Yum!
January 5, 2009
SWD #14
http://thesimplewoman.blogspot.com/
FOR TODAY (January 5, 2009)...
Outside my window... It's amazing how 27 degrees can feel HOT.
FOR TODAY (January 5, 2009)...
Outside my window... It's amazing how 27 degrees can feel HOT.
I am thinking... about what a superdork I am for posting an SWD on Friday, thinking it was Monday.
I am thankful for... the truth, and that when you know the truth inside your heart, no one can take it away from you no matter how hard they try.
From the kitchen... I made a pie. It was lovely. I ate the pie. The whole pie.
I am wearing... blue turtleneck, black shirt, black pants, funky socks, black shoes.
I am going... to have to face the fact that my dear friends are leaving for three months. *sigh*
I am reading... what other people have to say on their blogs.
I am hoping... to purchase a new computer in the next few months. We'll see how it goes.
I am hearing... the clanging of my bracelets on the desk.
Around the house... my cat yakked on the bed.... and the towel.... and my stinking slippers. Cat yak. On my slippers. Awesome.
One of my favorite things... crazy socks. Crazy socks rock.
A few plans for the rest of the week:
I don't know. I just have no idea.
Here is picture thought I am sharing... My brother and his wife own a 1912 mansion. It's so freaking awesome. Here's a picture of part of it from the back left corner.
January 2, 2009
Use Me Till I'm All Used Up...
Do you ever have those times when you need a supernatural word to describe how you're feeling? By supernatural, I mean a word that hasn't yet been invented. A word that's BIG enough to describe the intensity of emotions roaring through your body. I need these kinds of words when my skin confines me to humanness.... when I really want to just crawl out of that skin, toss it aside and be completely emancipated and celestial.
That's the kind of word I need to describe how I feel about the next few paragraphs....
I know a man who is a pastor here in Minnesota. He went to school to be a pastor. His livelihood, the church. His heart, the people. Several years ago, this pastor was diagnosed with throat cancer that landed him with, among other things, a permanent trach tube. He carries with him a small white board to write on, because the cancer also took nearly all of his speaking ability, and left him with not much more than groans.
I confess, it makes me angry to think about such a thing. WHY that?? WHY his voice... his passion... his heart...? Why? As a professing follower of Christ, I have been religiously trained to never ask why, but to trust. I have been told countless times, in various dialects of Christianese, that God's ways are bigger than our ways. While that's true, I've really never been good at not asking questions, so I DO ask why. However, I also trust that God is big enough and gentle enough to handle my doubts and fears, my questions, my humanness in its silliest form. If He's not big enough to handle ALL of that, then why trust in Him at all?
But, I digress...
This man was a GREAT pastor with powerful, meaningful sermons, but when he became one of the physically "un-pretty" people, he was, in a sense, tossed aside by the powers that be. As in, "well, you have this issue now, you know, so I guess there's really no place for you in the church. It's awkward and so.... um... bye."
His livelihood.... gone. Just like that.
Since all of this happened to him, he has been rejected in more ways than most people I know. My heart breaks when I see him, and I am moved, sometimes to tears, when I think about all he has lost. But you know what's strange? You will never see him without a smile on his face, and eyes that are illuminated with love for everyone around him.
He recently got involved in a ministry at the church I work for - a ministry involving caring for people who are receiving care through the local hospital - and his eyes light up with fervent excitement when he is called on to visit and pray with someone.
In a recent conversation with him, one of my co-workers was expressing her concern about calling on him too often, over-working him and wearing him out. His bout with cancer has left him with multiple health issues, and she wanted to be very aware and respectful of that fact.
What he said back to her was a simple, yet powerful statement, "Use me till I'm all used up."
(Insert supernatural word here.)
Use me till I'm all used up.............
In my religious experiences, I have discovered that the church universal is full of beautiful people with "nice, sensible" haircuts, tailored suits and the perfect shade of lipstick. They are eloquent, they are studied and have their various degrees from theological schools and doctrate programs. (Don't mistake my intention here, I think degrees are fine, and if you want a "sensible" haircut and a neutral-coloured lipstick, I say go for it! My intention is not to be judgmental or hypocritical in that way.) They fuss and fidget until the "new" Christians are conformed to the correct image of what a church person should look and act like. I know of many, many churches that even require a strict kind of dress if you want to step one foot on their platform.
But, ooooooh boy.......... DARE I step out on this shaky little limb?? So often, the "beautiful" people are SO busy running the church business, making the decisions about who can and can't take a leadership role, even deciding when one is "qualified" and has it "together" enough to do any kind of ministry at all, that they forget about who they're supposed to serving. Man-pleasers..... let's make things real pretty so people will like our church, our building, our leaders. Sometimes I wonder, if Jesus walked into our churches and asked to teach, would he be pushed to the back row until he could get his act together?
No, it's not this way in all churches, and I think (and hope) people are starting to see through the pharisitical, pompous attitudes, and get down to the dirty, wash-your-feet kind of ministry. But it is this way a lot of the time, and my question is, of course, WHY? WHY do we push the "uglies" out of the way to kiss the rings of the beautiful?
Okay, so enter my pastor friend. On the outside, he's not beautiful. His colour isn't quite right, his head is permanently tilted downward. He has no eloquent voice with which to deliver the perfectly fluctuated ten-minute sermon, and he can't really wear a tie anymore, due to the trach tube that protrudes from his neck. But I can tell you that this man is more like Jesus would want us to be than nearly anyone I know. He doesn't appear to care about being pretty, or official. He doesn't allow the communication challenge to stop him from doing exactly what God would want him to do..... care for His people. His heart is right.
Now, I try not to make a habit of randomly quoting scriptures just to back up my own opinions, as they are just that.... opinions. However, this man's life has deeply impacted me, and I am reminded of I Corinthians 1:27 (you should read the whole context - it's really good), "But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong."
I have to wonder who really is doing the greater "ministry", the beautiful seat-filled churches, with leaders in matching outfits and glossy shoes, or the humble man writing on his little white board, "Use me till I'm all used up"....
It's not mine to judge, but I know I personally can pray with abandon, "God, make me the most foolish of the fools, so that YOU can be glorified for who YOU are, not for who I am."
*shrug*
That's the kind of word I need to describe how I feel about the next few paragraphs....
I know a man who is a pastor here in Minnesota. He went to school to be a pastor. His livelihood, the church. His heart, the people. Several years ago, this pastor was diagnosed with throat cancer that landed him with, among other things, a permanent trach tube. He carries with him a small white board to write on, because the cancer also took nearly all of his speaking ability, and left him with not much more than groans.
I confess, it makes me angry to think about such a thing. WHY that?? WHY his voice... his passion... his heart...? Why? As a professing follower of Christ, I have been religiously trained to never ask why, but to trust. I have been told countless times, in various dialects of Christianese, that God's ways are bigger than our ways. While that's true, I've really never been good at not asking questions, so I DO ask why. However, I also trust that God is big enough and gentle enough to handle my doubts and fears, my questions, my humanness in its silliest form. If He's not big enough to handle ALL of that, then why trust in Him at all?
But, I digress...
This man was a GREAT pastor with powerful, meaningful sermons, but when he became one of the physically "un-pretty" people, he was, in a sense, tossed aside by the powers that be. As in, "well, you have this issue now, you know, so I guess there's really no place for you in the church. It's awkward and so.... um... bye."
His livelihood.... gone. Just like that.
Since all of this happened to him, he has been rejected in more ways than most people I know. My heart breaks when I see him, and I am moved, sometimes to tears, when I think about all he has lost. But you know what's strange? You will never see him without a smile on his face, and eyes that are illuminated with love for everyone around him.
He recently got involved in a ministry at the church I work for - a ministry involving caring for people who are receiving care through the local hospital - and his eyes light up with fervent excitement when he is called on to visit and pray with someone.
In a recent conversation with him, one of my co-workers was expressing her concern about calling on him too often, over-working him and wearing him out. His bout with cancer has left him with multiple health issues, and she wanted to be very aware and respectful of that fact.
What he said back to her was a simple, yet powerful statement, "Use me till I'm all used up."
(Insert supernatural word here.)
Use me till I'm all used up.............
In my religious experiences, I have discovered that the church universal is full of beautiful people with "nice, sensible" haircuts, tailored suits and the perfect shade of lipstick. They are eloquent, they are studied and have their various degrees from theological schools and doctrate programs. (Don't mistake my intention here, I think degrees are fine, and if you want a "sensible" haircut and a neutral-coloured lipstick, I say go for it! My intention is not to be judgmental or hypocritical in that way.) They fuss and fidget until the "new" Christians are conformed to the correct image of what a church person should look and act like. I know of many, many churches that even require a strict kind of dress if you want to step one foot on their platform.
But, ooooooh boy.......... DARE I step out on this shaky little limb?? So often, the "beautiful" people are SO busy running the church business, making the decisions about who can and can't take a leadership role, even deciding when one is "qualified" and has it "together" enough to do any kind of ministry at all, that they forget about who they're supposed to serving. Man-pleasers..... let's make things real pretty so people will like our church, our building, our leaders. Sometimes I wonder, if Jesus walked into our churches and asked to teach, would he be pushed to the back row until he could get his act together?
No, it's not this way in all churches, and I think (and hope) people are starting to see through the pharisitical, pompous attitudes, and get down to the dirty, wash-your-feet kind of ministry. But it is this way a lot of the time, and my question is, of course, WHY? WHY do we push the "uglies" out of the way to kiss the rings of the beautiful?
Okay, so enter my pastor friend. On the outside, he's not beautiful. His colour isn't quite right, his head is permanently tilted downward. He has no eloquent voice with which to deliver the perfectly fluctuated ten-minute sermon, and he can't really wear a tie anymore, due to the trach tube that protrudes from his neck. But I can tell you that this man is more like Jesus would want us to be than nearly anyone I know. He doesn't appear to care about being pretty, or official. He doesn't allow the communication challenge to stop him from doing exactly what God would want him to do..... care for His people. His heart is right.
Now, I try not to make a habit of randomly quoting scriptures just to back up my own opinions, as they are just that.... opinions. However, this man's life has deeply impacted me, and I am reminded of I Corinthians 1:27 (you should read the whole context - it's really good), "But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong."
I have to wonder who really is doing the greater "ministry", the beautiful seat-filled churches, with leaders in matching outfits and glossy shoes, or the humble man writing on his little white board, "Use me till I'm all used up"....
It's not mine to judge, but I know I personally can pray with abandon, "God, make me the most foolish of the fools, so that YOU can be glorified for who YOU are, not for who I am."
*shrug*
SWD #13
http://thesimplewoman.blogspot.com/FOR TODAY (January 2, 2009)...
Outside my window... It's 3 degrees, and there's really nothing exciting going on.
I am thinking... about Frank Simmons, my co-worker's brother who is in excruciating pain due to cancer. How I wish I could be the relief fairy and take it all away.
I am thankful for... everything..... really..... everything.
From the kitchen... last night, Jonathan made the biggest stinking cheesecake I've ever seen. It had orange zest in it, and was layered between two made-from-scratch chocolate cakes, with chocolate whipped cream frosting. It was approximately 7 inches tall and had enough calories to equal six-thousand workouts, but holy buckets, was it ever delicious.
I am wearing... hunter green turtleneck, jeans and comfy Friday shoes.
I am going... to try to get my house back in order after a month of being on the run constantly.
I am reading... through the icanhascheezburger.com website. So cute.
I am hoping... to find something interesting to say. Right now, I have nothing.
I am hearing... nothing. It's silent again.... one of those rare moments.
Around the house... I just replaced my Coca-Cola decorative stuff in the bathroom with the new black bear stuff I got for Christmas. SO exciting!!
One of my favorite things... I have too many favourites right now.
A few plans for the rest of the week:
Sleep.
Clean.
Finish a game of Mexican Train Dominoes.
Here is picture thought I am sharing... My mother had this shadow box made for me for Christmas. It has "Grandma stuff" in it - one of her pillow cases that I have had for years, three pictures of her, and the necklace she's wearing in the middle picture. It was one of the best things I've ever received. So awesome.
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