The War on Christmas?

Guys, before I even start, try to remember this sentence as you read through this post: "I will not send Michele hate mail because of this blog post."

Feeling confident?

Okay.

Yesterday, my brother and I were having a discussion about "Happy Holidays" versus "Merry Christmas". He asked me if, as a Christian, I get offended when someone says the dreaded HH phrase instead of the much preferred MC phrase.

Um. NO.

And here's why...

As a Christian, if I know what I believe, and am confident in it, I don't feel threatened by what other people have to say about it. I'm not scared of open-minded discussion, and I am certainly not going to freak out because someone wished me a happy holiday. I might even thank them and *GASP!* say it back.

Oh swooooooooon..... pray for my wicked, wicked soul.....

Seriously, people, do we really think that a phrase is ACTUALLY going to "take Christ out of Christmas" for us and the rest of the world? Are those words going to rewind time and make Jesus NOT be born? Does a "Happy Holidays" nullify the manger, the cross, the sacrifice?

It does not. Never will.

So, here's a little encouragment, a little nudge:

Instead of engaging in a battle over words, how about we engage together in a battle over hunger, or homelessness, or cures for illnesses. Let's focus our energy to bring healing to broken people, to invest in those who are lonely, to just BE THERE for each other.

And.... next time someone wishes you a happy holiday, and you're tempted to get offended... just.... don't. Smile. Extend love. And friendship. And Jesus.

Okay?

I TRULY wish you a very Merry Christmas, happy holidays, and all those other nice phrases.

Oh yeah, and remember that first sentence up there.


(Pardon the language, but look at the whole comic. It's an in-your-face picture of the message we're spreading.)

The Myth of Over-Sharing

I am particularly bothered by something I heard on the news recently. It was a caution to Facebookers and Twitterers everywhere about over-sharing. Don't share too much about your life through these venues, because people don't want to hear it, and they WILL make fun of you. The news caster even went on to talk about a website set up specifically to mock over-sharers, and bring shame to their posts.

Then, that same afternoon, ironically on Facebook, a young friend of mine posted about how she doesn't want to hear about the woes of people, and that "Being real is not about spilling out your woes. Being real is focusing on the good things in life. Like....awesome cold weather."

Mmmkay.

These two things got me thinking.... I wonder if Jesus agrees. I wonder if fear of over-sharing and weather talk is really how He wants us to operate. Does He want us to be critical and intolerant of the daily lives of others? As a Christian, though faaaaar from the mark, I am doing the best I can to learn and practice the loving characteristics of God. It's interesting.... I've NEVER heard Him say, "Michele, you are over-sharing and I don't want to hear it. Can we please just talk about happy things?"

So.... what gives me the right to say that to someone else?

The God I know is much more merciful and compassionate than I could ever dream of being (Psalm 103:8). So... what if I were to act with even just the teeniest bit of that compassion and stop shutting people down? What if, instead of cutting someone off, I open up my ears and my heart to hear their story? What if I extend my arms to receive them exactly as they are, and walk with them towards healing? Doesn't that seem like the more Jesus-y way?

I mean, life is hard, people. And it's painful. It just is. Our streets are filled with desperate, broken people who are struggling to survive, struggling through very complicated issues, sometimes struggling to take their next breath. If they decide to share their lives through social media or otherwise, I think that's a GOOD thing. It is one step closer to healing. Far too many of us are living bound up and closed off, because we've been told too many times that no one wants to hear it.

That just can't be right.

Here's a little reality check.... despite what we think, we are NOT the judge and jury for what people can and can't say about what's going on in their lives. Now is probably a really good time to stop shutting each other out and setting up standards for what is "too much" information, and start allowing grace, mercy and compassion to be the guide. LISTEN. Don't judge. Be real. Allow others to be real. Toss out the myth of over-sharing, and let genuine love take its place.

God is big enough to handle what people share. Are you?

Regret WILL get you.

I just want to be raw and unplugged for a few minutes. I need to hear my own words as much as I feel the need to say them to everyone around me, but what I wish right now, as I type with trembling fingers, is for you to READ this. Ponder it. Take action.

Regret is a TERRIBLE thing to live with, but for some reason, we pave a clear path for this monster to walk right in and make itself at home. It lounges on our emotional couches, feeds on our insecurities and takes advantage of our hospitable hearts. Then, without warning, it attacks and beats the living daylights out of us with weapons like "If only I had done....", "I wish I would have said...." and "I wish I could go back and...."

Let me just ask.... is this what you REALLY want? Do you REALLY want to look back on things with the deep wound of regret? How many times in your life have you done this already? Is it enjoyable?

Duh. Of COURSE it isn't.

Let's talk about relationships. What's going on in your relationships right now? Are you loving on each other? Are you taking advantage of your time together? Are you saying enough "I love you" and "I'm sorry" sort of statements? Or, are you taking people for granted, being stubborn, fighting with each other, arguing over things, or even not speaking to each other at all?

Let's get a reality check here, people. We are NOT promised tomorrow! We are not even promised the very next second. Anything could happen at any moment to any one of us and that would be it. Period. The end. We don't get a second chance at this life. Sudden death and loss happens every day of every year. We go about our normal lives and suddenly, "BAM!"... we've lost someone.

I don't mean to be all doom and gloom, but seriously.... if something happened to even one of the people in your life, would you be happy with how you treated them? Would you be satisfied with the last thing you said to them? Would they know that you loved them? Or would you get beaten to death by Monster Regret, because your last words were angry ones.... your last time together was full of disdain.... the years between you were silent ones.....?

I encourage ALL of us to dig deep. If you're in a relationship of ANY kind, do everything in your power to make it a good one. Stop fighting over things, and start loving and accepting. Stop shutting down, and start the dialogue of forgiveness. It doesn't matter what happened...or who started it.... or who did what to who. WE matter. People matter. Friendships matter. Families matter.

Work. It. Out. I know it's hard. I know it hurts. Do it anyway.

In the interest of sounding macabre, the funeral is NOT the place to tell someone how you feel (not that you can't express your feelings, but you know what I mean, right?). If you're saying it at a funeral, I'm sorry to tell you, but it's too late. Say it now. Right now. Show love right now. Forgive. Accept. Cooperate. Be real. Take advantage of every minute you have together on this earth. Live NOW so that you don't have to be beaten down later!

If you wait till it's too late, regret WILL get you.

Unappreciated Oranges

I had a very interesting conversation with someone today. Here's an excerpt:


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Them: I often feel like.... I do a lot to show people I care about them and if that isn't enough... They are expecting more of me, or something different than what I have..... I don't know... That seems not very nice. If I give almost all of my oranges to someone and they say "but I want apples" you know? I don't have apples. And now should I feel bad that I don't have apples?

Me: But what if oranges really aren't their thing?

Them: Then I guess I keep my oranges if nobody wants them. And they will just sit here and rot.

Me: Would you be willing to go buy apples? Wouldn't you rather give them apples if that's truly their favourite? Not because it's your thing, but because it's their thing?

Them: If I had an orchard of apples I would give them all but that is not what I have. They don't grow here. So, I can give everything I have.... forever... and it will never be good enough. Because oranges aren't good enough.

Me: No. I think it's a language thing. If you speak oranges, and I speak apples, then I really want to try to learn to speak orange. Because that's who YOU are.

Them: But it isn't how it goes. Everyone is always harassing me about all the apples I don't have. I know it isn't on purpose.... I know everyone wants apples.... And I feel constantly that my oranges are under appreciated... I do try to be better all the time...

******************************************************

This conversation is between me and someone that I love dearly. Someone who loves me dearly, but speaks a different language than I speak. It gave me a new and interesting perspective on some things.

Now, I don't normally buy into a lot of psycho-babble, but there is something to be said for Gary Chapman's concept of the Five Love Languages, and this is a prime example.

We do love each other in different "languages", don't we? My language is Quality Time, while my friend here clearly speaks Acts of Service. This person will show love to me by DOING something for me (giving me oranges). What's strange is, that unless I learn and accept how THEY show love, I have the potential to feel frustrated and empty ("But I want apples"). Then, of course, they will feel frustrated, because their "oranges are unappreciated."

None of us want to feel insecure or unloved. It's a terrible feeling. I believe these feelings might be minimized if we learn the other person's language. It would do us good to understand that, even though they may not hand us a bushel of apples, they are selflessly giving us every orange they have. And to them, that's the biggest sacrifice of love they can give.

So. Next time someone "hands you an orange", try not to gripe because it isn't an apple. Smile and know that they are speaking love to you in their own language.

Just a thought....

You should also consider reading The Five Languages of Apology. It is also a fantastic resource for understanding each other better.

Bullying... It's Not Just for Kids!

Several years ago, I was sitting at a piano playing a song I wrote. There was a couple standing by listening, and when I finished, the husband said this to me:

"Michele, your looks are the thorn in your side. If you didn't look like this, you'd be famous."

I've never forgotten it. And, truth be told, I've tried, but have never recovered from it.

We hear so much these days about kids bullying other kids, and most recently, kids bullying a sweet old grandma, but really, where does it start? What's the example? Hey... guess what.... adults are not exempt from this behavior.

I was badly picked on, and sometimes gang bullied as a kid from elementary school, all the way up through high school, and then on into college. And now, as an adult, people say stuff to me ALL THE TIME about the way I dress, or how ugly I am. It's true. I'm sick of it. So.... I have a couple of things to say....

First... to the adults who think it's okay to say mean things to others about their looks or whatever...

SHUT. UP.

Seriously. Shut up. Shut your mouth. You are NOT better than anyone else, nor does your style, education, self-righteousness or status put you at a higher level than others. Just because it's different, doesn't make it wrong. Your mother was right... if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all. Before you decide to bully someone else, look at your own life and how much grace you require. Think about the times people have said mean things to you or about you, and how it made you feel.... and shut up! You don't get to decide what's right or wrong for someone else... it's not your job. Your life is yours. Their life is theirs. Stop criticizing their shoes, their hair, their clothes, their choices, even if you don't agree with it. People like me are sick of hearing about how bad we suck. Shut. Up!

Second... to the adults who are on the receiving end of this kind of thing...

SPEAK. UP.

If you're like me, and you've been bullied for a long time, you know that we tend to just "take it" when it comes to stuff like this. We've taken it for a long time, and it's destroying us. It's time to speak up. It's time to silence the voices of criticism and rely on the truth of the One who made us. You are NOT trash. You are NOT ugly. You are NOT worthless. You are NOT stupid. God did NOT put you on this earth to be put down and crushed by ruthless words. Your decisions are between you and Him, and nobody else gets to decide your path for you. Be YOU. You are beautiful and important as you are, NOT as someone else thinks you should be. Be brave. Plant your feet and stand strong. It's okay to say you don't want to hear it anymore. Speak. Up!

So. Yeah.

If we're going to go on preaching rampages about kids bullying other kids, then we should probably look deep into our own lives and figure out where they're learning this behavior. A lot of people are thinking it... I just happen to be the one saying it today.

Shut. Up.
Speak. Up.

Bye.

White Elephant's Beard??

Have you ever played that game called, "Telephone"? You know the one.... one person whispers a phrase into the next person's ear, and by the time it goes around the circle, the phrase has gone from "Why is this so weird?" to "White elephant's beard." Everyone in the room bursts out into laughter, and the game starts over again.

You know it, right? Have you ever thought about how this translates into real life?

I have this ongoing banter with a close friend. Well, actually, I think I just come off as annoying to her, but she loves and tolerates me anyway. You see, I'm a question asker. Always have been, and always will be. When she tells me a story that begins with, "Did you know...." I always follow it up with, "Where did you hear that?" I don't mean to be a thorn in her side, but I want to know where the information came from, so I can find out if it's actually true. It's not because I don't trust her, that's not it at all. I just have this deep inner drive to seek facts, instead of just believing it because someone said it was true. If I don't find the truth for myself, I feel like I'm just playing a game of "Telephone" with real life, and that doesn't do me, or anyone else, any good.

Think about it... how many times a day do you hear someone start a sentence with, "Hey, did you know...." or "I heard that..."? That kind of discussion is so prominent in our society, that it becomes very difficult to discern the truth about anything. Stories get passed from ear to ear, rapidly morphing into personal interpretation like a chameleon on steroids. Eventually, the story is far from the facts, that the person who originally told it can hardly recognize it as their own. The truth is lost, and we are left passing on tales about which we know nothing.

The reality is, that if we would "hang up the telephone" more often, and seek the truth for ourselves, we would be a lot less confused. Now, I'm not saying we have to be in each other's faces with finger shaking doubt, but it could only benefit us to make sure the story is true, before passing it on as fact.

It's true for stories (or gossip) about people, but it's also true for everything else. That story you heard from Jack, who heard it from Melissa, who heard it from Jeff, who heard it on some random news show on television, has prooooobably been filtered a little bit, don't you think?


Hang. Up. The. Phone.


Seriously. Just hang it up. Don't pass it on until you know the true story! Find the facts for yourself, and let's be educated people, rather than mindless regurgitating machines.

Write On?

I've been looking though the blog posts I've written over the past couple of years, and for every published post, there are about three more that I wasn't brave enough to finish.

I LOVE to write, and I really need to do it more often. I just don't always know what to write about these days. My life? My experiences? My thoughts? (Oy. Now THAT is scary.)

What should I write about? What do you want to know?