"Masquerade! Paper faces on parade . . .Masquerade!
Hide your face, so the world will never find you!
Masquerade! Every face a different shade . . .Masquerade!
Look around -there's another mask behind you!"
This little excerpt from Phantom of the Opera is part of one of my all time favourite songs. I saw Phantom in New York many years ago, but I have never forgotten the tingling through every inch of my body when the crowd of masked people entered the scene - its powerful ensemble of resonating vibrato absolutely shaking the walls of the opera house as they bellowed out the lyrics. Mask after exquisite mask, parading down the staircase, extravagantly disguised to hide their true identities........
"Masquerade! Seething shadows, breathing lies . . .Masquerade!
You can fool any friend who ever knew you."
So deliciously powerful... and so incredibly ironic... because we, too, wear masks that hide our identities, even from our friends. No, not the feathered, beaded, painted kind. Our masks generally come in the form of titles. She's that business woman. He's that pastor. That dude is a great singer. She's a good mother. Oh, that's the daughter of the cousin of the friend of mine who has that great job with that one company doing that great thing. Huh??
In the name of expectations, we plow through in skin-crawling misery, wearing these masks and living up to what our titles say we are. Then, following our not-so-Academy-Award-winning performances, we ask the questions, "Why do people expect so much of me?" and "Why am I doing this, when it's not who I really am?"
May I ask you a question? When you strip down all of those titles and take off the mask, what's left? Who ARE you? Do you even know?
I have been on this journey for a long time now, and it has finally come to a screeching halt. If I don't take off these masks and just learn to be who I am, rather than what people want me to be, then what's the point? I have spent (or wasted, rather) more than twenty years of my life (wow, that makes me sound old) trying to please people - trying to be what they want me to be, because they see no value in who I really am. Not what I can DO for them, but WHO... I... AM.
I've been afraid for years, particularly (and unfortunately) of the Christian community, because I have been so harshly criticized and insulted (and this does NOT include good, solid reasoning and teaching) when I show the slightest bit of ME. Don't look that way. Don't act that way. Don't use that tone. Don't wear those clothes. This is wrong. That is wrong. Do it this way. Do it that way. GOD DOESN'T APPROVE.
For me....it has to stop. Will the criticism ever stop? I have my doubts. But, I can't help but face the fact that my relationship with God is, in fact, HIS and MINE, and that He and I have to work this out on our terms, not on the terms of other people, and certainly not on man-made standards. It HAS to be God and me.... PERIOD.... or it's not real in the first place. Right now, I have been brought to my knees in humility that Jesus' sacrifice, and my eternity really IS based on who HE is, and not what I've done. As a follower of Christ, you'd think I would know this, but somehow, the revelation has escaped me.
So, okay.... where does this leave me? Probably at a very, very unpopular place in my community of friends. I make people uncomfortable with these words. In fact, I might be labeled even worse than I already am for taking a stand. But... I can only imagine that if I, being one tiny little person on this planet, am experiencing this, there MUST be thousands more who are hurting and desperate to leave the masquerade party... to find who they are.... who they REALLY are... true identity.
And so, I've decided to write about it, and I am inviting you to be part of this journey with me. Give me your insight. Tell me your experiences. TAKE OFF YOUR MASKS with me. It will not be easy, as I am already learning, but I truly believe that God created all of us FIRST and FOREMOST as humans...people... JUST people... with no masks. In fact, completely naked, we came out of the wombs of our mothers. No facade there.
And no more facade here. We'll see where it lands me.
3 comments:
This is one of the reasons I have no interest in returning to the church...sad to say...but true. I'd like to return sometimes, but then I think, "To the people who have no interest in letting me be real? Why?" So aargh. Good luck in your journey, though. I hope you find that as you become more real, other people come out of the woodwork who feel the same way and you'll be able to form good supportive friendships.
So far, I've never found any community where I could truly just be me... but I'm no longer certain that's so terrible. I'm not always a very nice person, and certainly haven't perfected the whole "love the sinner but not the sin" bit. Why should I expect more of others, especially those who haven't been exposed to the same variety of behaviors and thinking that I have?
Every social group has deeply ingrained expectations for belief and behaviors, and even the atheists have such deeply ingrained expectations that they might as well say "God doesn't approve" when those expectations aren't met. Changing words and behavior just to fit in is indeed a sign of immaturity; so is refusing to change any words or behaviors in different social settings. Deliberate offensiveness is not a sign of adulthood.
Changing our words and behaviors among different groups of people is just human. Knowing when you are doing it, and above all why, is what takes maturity.
i can hear you struggle on face book and my heart hurts for you. i alway smile when i think of you. i wish i knew how to encourage you more. mean a lot to me even if we disagree on some things. i am glad i know you. rhoda
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