Identity in the Mask...

"Masquerade! Paper faces on parade . . .Masquerade!
Hide your face, so the world will never find you!
Masquerade! Every face a different shade . . .Masquerade!
Look around -there's another mask behind you!"

This little excerpt from Phantom of the Opera is part of one of my all time favourite songs. I saw Phantom in New York many years ago, but I have never forgotten the tingling through every inch of my body when the crowd of masked people entered the scene - its powerful ensemble of resonating vibrato absolutely shaking the walls of the opera house as they bellowed out the lyrics. Mask after exquisite mask, parading down the staircase, extravagantly disguised to hide their true identities........

"Masquerade! Seething shadows, breathing lies . . .Masquerade!
You can fool any friend who ever knew you."

So deliciously powerful... and so incredibly ironic... because we, too, wear masks that hide our identities, even from our friends. No, not the feathered, beaded, painted kind. Our masks generally come in the form of titles. She's that business woman. He's that pastor. That dude is a great singer. She's a good mother. Oh, that's the daughter of the cousin of the friend of mine who has that great job with that one company doing that great thing. Huh??

In the name of expectations, we plow through in skin-crawling misery, wearing these masks and living up to what our titles say we are. Then, following our not-so-Academy-Award-winning performances, we ask the questions, "Why do people expect so much of me?" and "Why am I doing this, when it's not who I really am?"

May I ask you a question? When you strip down all of those titles and take off the mask, what's left? Who ARE you? Do you even know?

I have been on this journey for a long time now, and it has finally come to a screeching halt. If I don't take off these masks and just learn to be who I am, rather than what people want me to be, then what's the point? I have spent (or wasted, rather) more than twenty years of my life (wow, that makes me sound old) trying to please people - trying to be what they want me to be, because they see no value in who I really am. Not what I can DO for them, but WHO... I... AM.

I've been afraid for years, particularly (and unfortunately) of the Christian community, because I have been so harshly criticized and insulted (and this does NOT include good, solid reasoning and teaching) when I show the slightest bit of ME. Don't look that way. Don't act that way. Don't use that tone. Don't wear those clothes. This is wrong. That is wrong. Do it this way. Do it that way. GOD DOESN'T APPROVE.

For me....it has to stop. Will the criticism ever stop? I have my doubts. But, I can't help but face the fact that my relationship with God is, in fact, HIS and MINE, and that He and I have to work this out on our terms, not on the terms of other people, and certainly not on man-made standards. It HAS to be God and me.... PERIOD.... or it's not real in the first place. Right now, I have been brought to my knees in humility that Jesus' sacrifice, and my eternity really IS based on who HE is, and not what I've done. As a follower of Christ, you'd think I would know this, but somehow, the revelation has escaped me.

So, okay.... where does this leave me? Probably at a very, very unpopular place in my community of friends. I make people uncomfortable with these words. In fact, I might be labeled even worse than I already am for taking a stand. But... I can only imagine that if I, being one tiny little person on this planet, am experiencing this, there MUST be thousands more who are hurting and desperate to leave the masquerade party... to find who they are.... who they REALLY are... true identity.

And so, I've decided to write about it, and I am inviting you to be part of this journey with me. Give me your insight. Tell me your experiences. TAKE OFF YOUR MASKS with me. It will not be easy, as I am already learning, but I truly believe that God created all of us FIRST and FOREMOST as humans...people... JUST people... with no masks. In fact, completely naked, we came out of the wombs of our mothers. No facade there.

And no more facade here. We'll see where it lands me.

SWD #30

http://thesimplewomansdaybook.blogspot.com/

FOR TODAY (April 27, 2009)... It's 45 degrees, cloudy, grey..... I'm blissfully happy with weather like this, but it does tend to get snarls from everyone else in the world.

I am thinking... about what I WANT to do for the evening versus what I SHOULD do for the evening.

I am thankful for... a fairly simple, uncomplicated life.....compared to others, I really have nothing to complain about.

From the kitchen... I made manicotti over the weekend, and it was actually pretty good. Then last night I made my first-ever attempt at blanching and freezing fresh green beans. I LOVE vegetables.

I am wearing... black pants, black turtleneck, hot pink and black socks. :o)

I am creating... um... not creating at the moment.

I am hearing... someone down the hall is talking about a collapsed drain pipe underground and how they have to dig nine feet down to get to it. Doesn't sound pleasant.

Around the house... oh boy, do I have a mess to clean up. Must. Stay. Motivated.

One of my favourite things... my big comfy chair, my laptop, my blanket, my phone and my cat.

A few plans for the rest of the week: Um...... ?

Here is a picture thought I'm sharing... Administrative Professionals Day was last week. Here are the flowers and cards I received. Very sweet. :o)

SWD #29

http://thesimplewomansdaybook.blogspot.com/

FOR TODAY (April 20, 2009)...

Outside my window... It's really cool and rainy. A near perfect day, weather wise.

I am thinking... about the fact that I never really have anything interesting to say. And about my failures and weaknesses. There's this neverending list..... *sigh*

I am thankful for... my cat - he really does love me no matter what I do.

From the kitchen... I am addicted to breakfast taquitoes. It's really, really bad, and they're really, really bad for you.

I am wearing... my jammies. And a blanket. And a cat. In my lap, of course.

I am creating... way too many melancholy thoughts in my head.

I am hoping... to find my focus before I completely give up.

I am hearing... my cat is snoring and the television is blasting a commercial. WHY do they make them louder than the actual movie?? It's really counter productive - it just makes people push the mute button.

Around the house... Uh..... nothing new. So boring right now.

One of my favourite things... people who understand me. Unfortunately, there are very few of those kinds of people.

A few plans for the rest of the week: Um...... ?

Here is a picture thought I'm sharing... my mom gave me this wolf thing for my birthday. It's made of crystal, I think, and it has the wolf lazered right in the center of it. When you set it on the little light pod, voila.... you have a coloured wolf. It's pretty cool.

SWD #28

http://thesimplewomansdaybook.blogspot.com/

FOR TODAY (April 13, 2009)...

Outside my window... It's 45 degrees, cloudy and wonderful. I don't think I could ask for a more perfect day.

I am thinking... about how much I need to accomplish this week. I really MUST avoid sitting down when I get home this evening. I'm also thinking about what a dufus I am for leaving boiled eggs out overnight. Stupid. Oh, and I'm also thinking about my stepmother's father.... cancer. I HATE cancer.

I am thankful for... a great Easter weekend. It was nice.

From the kitchen... I will know more AFTER a trip to Walmart. Ahhhh...Walmart.

I am wearing... black pants and an army green turtleneck.

I am creating... a mental list....... MUST....NOT.....SIT..... DOWN......MUST.....KEEP.....WORKING.

I am hoping... that my will power to get things done will outweigh my desire to sit and relax.

I am hearing... mostly silence, but somewhere in the distance there is the faint sound of music. I think it's coming from upstairs.

Around the house... I have this crazy urge to throw everything away. A very dangerous urge for me, as I usually follow through......

One of my favourite things... asparagus casserole, made by Tammy. It's absolutely AMAZING.

A few plans for the rest of the week:
Uh.............groceries....girls' night....cleaning....and whatever else comes my way.

Here is a picture thought I'm sharing... I am so proud of myself, as I grew this amaryllis all by my little self. It was a mere bulb when it came into my life, and it blossomed quite nicely into beautiful flowers.

SWD #27

http://thesimplewomansdaybook.blogspot.com/

FOR TODAY (April 6, 2009)...

Outside my window... It's dark....finally. I was really hoping for snow, but it only gave a little. *sigh*

I am thinking... about some kids from church. I am at a loss. At what point do you stop trying?

I am thankful for... a place to live and a job. SO many people are out those two things.

From the kitchen... I think I might make ham salad. I experimented with it last week and it was really good.

I am wearing... pajamas. So comfortable.

I am creating... a plan.... I just can't talk about it.

I am hoping... that things start to go right within the teenagers.

I am hearing... the clock is ticking and the television is on.

Around the house... my cat is grateful.... his litterbox will finally be to his satisfaction again.

One of my favourite things... relaxing. Something that doesn't happen too often.

A few plans for the rest of the week:

I really don't know. A couple of meetings, a funeral and bulletins galore.

Here is a picture thought I'm sharing... some highlights from my birthday....

Tattoo or Not Tattoo.....?

Christians are notorious for setting up a standard of judgment regarding tattoos. In fact, I personally have been badgered for years because I have three tattoos, and will most likely get at least one more somewhere down the road.

I can't tell you how many times I've heard the common Christian say something like, "Well, you know.... the Bible says we're not supposed to get tattoos." But... when I ask them where they've read that, most of them can't tell me. And not only can they NOT tell me where they read it, but when they DO read it ("it" being the verse typed out below), they can't tell me what it means.

Yeah.... so.... in case you ever been subjected to this sort of thing, the verse below is what people generally like to quote. I have typed it out, and listed the literal meaning (from the Lexicon - http://scripturetext.com/) behind the words. If you study deeper, you will find that tattooing as we know it today is completely different than the tattooing (marking) referred to when this was written. Context and original meaning are EVERYTHING.

THE VERSE:
Ye shall not make any cuttings in your flesh for the dead, nor print any marks upon you. I am the Lord. Leviticus 19:28


THE MEANING:
Ye shall not make
nathan (naw-than'
to give, used with greatest latitude of application (put, make, etc.)

any
kthobeth (keth-o'-beth)
a letter or other mark branded on the skin -- any (mark).

cuttings
seret (seh'-ret)
an incision -- cutting.

in your flesh
basar (baw-sawr')
flesh (from its freshness); by extension, body, person; also (by euphem.) the pudenda of a man -- body, (fat, lean) flesh(-ed), kin, (man-)kind, + nakedness, self, skin.

for the dead
nephesh (neh'-fesh)
a breathing creature, i.e. animal of (abstractly) vitality; used very widely in a literal, accommodated or figurative sense (bodily or mental)

nor print
nathan (naw-than')
to give, used with greatest latitude of application (put, make, etc.)

any marks
qa`aqa` (kah-ak-ah')
an incision or gash -- + mark.

upon you I am the LORD
Yhovah (yeh-ho-vaw')(the) self-Existent or Eternal; Jehovah, Jewish national name of God -- Jehovah, the Lord.

I may be stupid, but I see that this verse is pretty straight forward. If you study the context and original words, you will find that it refers to old testament customs of grieving for the dead and idolatry. That's pretty much it. It really gives no liberty for us to use it elsewhere.

And sooooo.......a small reminder, if I may (and I may, since this is, after all MY blog).... man's judgment, interpretation or offense is not a reason to set a standard for people to live by. We must get over ourselves, live our lives according to our convictions, and leave others to do the same. God is still God, and I am certain that if He can handle watching His Son die, He can handle walking us gently through life so that we can become more like Him.