Living with Regret

This morning I was greeted by the maintenance man whose brother has been fighting a battle with cancer. It was a normal morning....

"Morning, Michele."

"Morning, Bill."

.....until......

"Well, things took a turn for the worse last night."

"Uh oh, that doesn't sound good."

..... Bill went on to tell me that his brother's cancer has spread to his bones and that there's nothing more they can do for him, so they're sending him home for hospice care.

Hospice care. A term I've become all too familiar with, as hospice was involved when Elmer passed away last year. You only get hospice care when you have "less than six months to live" according to the doctors.

I'm speechless, and immediately, my thoughts turn to something I wrote in a letter several years ago regarding living with regret. Perhaps living in the same city as the world renown Mayo Clinic I am exposed to more illness and suffering than someone living in podunk USA, but it seems like every time I turn around, I hear about someone dying. A mother, an uncle, a grandparent, a friend.... a child. I wonder, when I hear these stories, how many of those dealing with a the devastation of losing someone are also dealing with regret.

I should have said..... I shouldn't have done..... I could have.... I never did..... words you must live with for the rest of your own time on earth. Living with regret is a very difficult thing, as it's not something that really goes away. It's almost as if it develops a personality and sticks its ugly tongue out at you, because it knows that it's too late for you to do anything about the past.

When I think about Bill and his sweet brother, my heart weeps such bitter tears, as I know they don't have much time to do and say everything necessary to prevent having to live (or pass on) with regret looming over them. Why do we wait so long? Why does it take a crisis to get us to move?

My mother informed me last night that she told one of our relatives that I don't have time to talk on the phone anymore because I'm so busy. So I ask myself, "Self.... do you REALLY want to live with the regret of having not spent more time on the phone with your mom?" The answer is a definitive NO. I am planning on having my mother around for many, many years to come, but there really is no guarantee is there? If (and God, I would really appreciate not being tested in this area) something were to happen to her today or tomorrow, would I be satisfied and content that I did all I could to show her how much I love and value her?

It's simple. I must improve. Same with my dad, same with my brother, my grandmother, my friends. I must improve! I want them to know without a shadow of a doubt that I love them more than air. I must get back to taking advantage of every opportunity I am given to say, "I love you. You are valuable to me. I am glad you are in my life."

I encourage you as well, to find the time you need to say all you must say, and do all you must do to show people how much you love them. YOU are the one who has to live with regret. Do all you can to avoid it - even if it means stretching yourself beyond your emotional comfort zone, and for goodness sake, don't wait for the crisis to be your catapult!

With that, I remain.... I love you all. You are valuable to me, and I am glad you're in my life.