Regret WILL get you.

I just want to be raw and unplugged for a few minutes. I need to hear my own words as much as I feel the need to say them to everyone around me, but what I wish right now, as I type with trembling fingers, is for you to READ this. Ponder it. Take action.

Regret is a TERRIBLE thing to live with, but for some reason, we pave a clear path for this monster to walk right in and make itself at home. It lounges on our emotional couches, feeds on our insecurities and takes advantage of our hospitable hearts. Then, without warning, it attacks and beats the living daylights out of us with weapons like "If only I had done....", "I wish I would have said...." and "I wish I could go back and...."

Let me just ask.... is this what you REALLY want? Do you REALLY want to look back on things with the deep wound of regret? How many times in your life have you done this already? Is it enjoyable?

Duh. Of COURSE it isn't.

Let's talk about relationships. What's going on in your relationships right now? Are you loving on each other? Are you taking advantage of your time together? Are you saying enough "I love you" and "I'm sorry" sort of statements? Or, are you taking people for granted, being stubborn, fighting with each other, arguing over things, or even not speaking to each other at all?

Let's get a reality check here, people. We are NOT promised tomorrow! We are not even promised the very next second. Anything could happen at any moment to any one of us and that would be it. Period. The end. We don't get a second chance at this life. Sudden death and loss happens every day of every year. We go about our normal lives and suddenly, "BAM!"... we've lost someone.

I don't mean to be all doom and gloom, but seriously.... if something happened to even one of the people in your life, would you be happy with how you treated them? Would you be satisfied with the last thing you said to them? Would they know that you loved them? Or would you get beaten to death by Monster Regret, because your last words were angry ones.... your last time together was full of disdain.... the years between you were silent ones.....?

I encourage ALL of us to dig deep. If you're in a relationship of ANY kind, do everything in your power to make it a good one. Stop fighting over things, and start loving and accepting. Stop shutting down, and start the dialogue of forgiveness. It doesn't matter what happened...or who started it.... or who did what to who. WE matter. People matter. Friendships matter. Families matter.

Work. It. Out. I know it's hard. I know it hurts. Do it anyway.

In the interest of sounding macabre, the funeral is NOT the place to tell someone how you feel (not that you can't express your feelings, but you know what I mean, right?). If you're saying it at a funeral, I'm sorry to tell you, but it's too late. Say it now. Right now. Show love right now. Forgive. Accept. Cooperate. Be real. Take advantage of every minute you have together on this earth. Live NOW so that you don't have to be beaten down later!

If you wait till it's too late, regret WILL get you.

Unappreciated Oranges

I had a very interesting conversation with someone today. Here's an excerpt:


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Them: I often feel like.... I do a lot to show people I care about them and if that isn't enough... They are expecting more of me, or something different than what I have..... I don't know... That seems not very nice. If I give almost all of my oranges to someone and they say "but I want apples" you know? I don't have apples. And now should I feel bad that I don't have apples?

Me: But what if oranges really aren't their thing?

Them: Then I guess I keep my oranges if nobody wants them. And they will just sit here and rot.

Me: Would you be willing to go buy apples? Wouldn't you rather give them apples if that's truly their favourite? Not because it's your thing, but because it's their thing?

Them: If I had an orchard of apples I would give them all but that is not what I have. They don't grow here. So, I can give everything I have.... forever... and it will never be good enough. Because oranges aren't good enough.

Me: No. I think it's a language thing. If you speak oranges, and I speak apples, then I really want to try to learn to speak orange. Because that's who YOU are.

Them: But it isn't how it goes. Everyone is always harassing me about all the apples I don't have. I know it isn't on purpose.... I know everyone wants apples.... And I feel constantly that my oranges are under appreciated... I do try to be better all the time...

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This conversation is between me and someone that I love dearly. Someone who loves me dearly, but speaks a different language than I speak. It gave me a new and interesting perspective on some things.

Now, I don't normally buy into a lot of psycho-babble, but there is something to be said for Gary Chapman's concept of the Five Love Languages, and this is a prime example.

We do love each other in different "languages", don't we? My language is Quality Time, while my friend here clearly speaks Acts of Service. This person will show love to me by DOING something for me (giving me oranges). What's strange is, that unless I learn and accept how THEY show love, I have the potential to feel frustrated and empty ("But I want apples"). Then, of course, they will feel frustrated, because their "oranges are unappreciated."

None of us want to feel insecure or unloved. It's a terrible feeling. I believe these feelings might be minimized if we learn the other person's language. It would do us good to understand that, even though they may not hand us a bushel of apples, they are selflessly giving us every orange they have. And to them, that's the biggest sacrifice of love they can give.

So. Next time someone "hands you an orange", try not to gripe because it isn't an apple. Smile and know that they are speaking love to you in their own language.

Just a thought....

You should also consider reading The Five Languages of Apology. It is also a fantastic resource for understanding each other better.