I don't like the modern day church's small group concept. I'm not talking about a small group of random people chatting it up about whatever.
I'm talking about these little criteria-based groups that the churches have decided to set up. Jesus NEVER talked about separating out into groups where you would have to meet certain criteria to attend. He DID talk about coming together, reasoning together. He DID talk about the older folks teaching the younger folks. He DID talk about UNCONDITIONAL love and acceptance. The churches have set up these structured, criteria-based groups that are supposed to be so great, and in the meantime, people are dying on the sidelines because they don't fit in!!
For example, just to keep it neutral, I'll use something silly....
Let's pretend there's a church that has a group for people with blue hair, a group for people with yellow hair, a group for people with green hair, a group for people with purple hair and a group for people with brown hair.
One day, Joe shows up at the church because he's going through a very difficult time, and is looking for answers... or support... or whatever.
But wait.... Joe has black hair..... what group does he join? Where does he find friends, love and acceptance? Because Joe doesn't meet the criteria for the other groups, he either has to separate off and form his own group for people with BLACK hair, or he gets left out. He can't just go to the purple hair group, because, well, that's for people with PURPLE hair.... and they want to talk about their purple hair, and what it's like to live with purple hair and have children with purple hair.
According to the small group segregation, because Joe doesn't have purple hair, not only does he NOT fit in, but apparently he has nothing in common with purple-haired people, and well, I guess that means he also has no valid input for people with purple hair. He cannot join their group.... he doesn't belong. And he certainly can't join the blue, yellow, green or brown hair groups either.
Sooooo..... Joe dies a little inside, because he just wants to be loved and accepted, but instead, he's been rejected. The place Joe is supposed to be able to run to and find unconditional love and acceptance is the very place he ends up running FROM because they've hurt him so bad.
WHERE IS JESUS IN THAT?
Jesus ate with everybody. He talked with everybody. He met with everybody. He didn't even allow his own disciples to keep small children away while he was teaching. He rebuked them for excluding the children.... let them come to me!.... What would he have to say about this criteria-based concept? I have to wonder if he would rant through our "temples" and overturn all the tables. I wonder how badly it breaks His heart to see how many people have walked in the doors of the church looking for hope, and walked out the same doors in complete hopelessness.
I know countless.... COUNTLESS "Joes" who cry themselves to sleep at night because they've been hurt so bad by this concept. I also know countless "Joes" who want nothing to do with organized religion (a.k.a., the modern-day church) AT ALL. They are the ones who see the hypocrisy of it all..... they are the ones who see that the Church's representation of Christ's TRUE unconditional love is nothing more than religious lip service.
People are hurting. People want to just be who they are, and not have to be separated out. We should care about THAT.
November 13, 2010
August 19, 2010
Yo, Christians, What's Your Bible?
About nine years ago, I was at a women's conference with a friend of mine. During one of our breaks, my friend overheard some of the women from a local church talking about someone else.
"She really should dress her age," one of them snipped.
That comment, and the attitude that accompanied it, has been stuck in my head since that day (and by the way, criticizing the clothing preferences of others may not be a very effective way to attract people to your church - just sayin').
I listen every day to people talking about what others SHOULD do, and what others SHOULDN'T do. What's healthy, what's not healthy. What's appropriate, what's not appropriate. What's normal, what's not normal. More often than not, these standards are cited as facts, when they really aren't much more than opinions or personal preferences. Some of the most common things I hear in "fact" speeches are, "I was reading in this book, and it said....." or "I heard on the radio...." It makes me wonder, about Christians specifically, where we're getting our "facts." What has become our Bible?
Don't get me wrong, teachers are great, books are great, sermons are great. However, as professed followers of Jesus, we might consider comparing these "facts" we learn with what He and His Dad have to say. If they jive, great. If they don't, we could stand to study it a little deeper to find His truth for ourselves. If we don't do the work and learn for ourselves, it's not really even our knowledge to own.... is it? It's just.... well, borrowed. Hearsay. Beautified gossip.
I have a tendency to be a tad controversial at times (gasp. swoon. faint.), so it comes as no surprise that I challenge Christians with questions when they present a "fact" to me.
"Where did you hear that?"
"Where did you read that?
.... and my personal favourite....
"Show me where it says that in the Bible."
Strangely enough, most of the Christians I ask the latter of, can't do it, because it didn't come from THE Bible, but rather, some sort of churchy, religious teaching. YUCK. Not only that, but a lot of times, in comparison with the words of Jesus (you know.... that guy God sent down here to rescue us from death?), the "fact" is completely opposite of down and dirty, Biblical truth.
It's interesting, isn't it?
According to basic Christian beliefs, when our lives are over, we stand before God alone and account for our actions and lives. Therefore, we would be wise to make GOD'S Word our standard..... our.... um.... Bible. THE Bible, THE Word of God is.... "living and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart." (Hebrews 4:12)
So.... what's your Bible?
Fashion magazines? Psychology books? Self-help books? Beth Moore Bible studies? Television or radio programs? Catechism? Blog sites like this one? Purpose driven church books? World renown author books?
Just something to think about.
By the way, I'm curious.... what DOES "dress her age" mean? Furthermore, I wonder what Bible gives the standards for this particular issue. It must be a different Bible than I've seen, as mine doesn't have a list of what you must wear when you turn certain ages. Don't take my word for it. Look it up for yourself.
*shrug*
"She really should dress her age," one of them snipped.
That comment, and the attitude that accompanied it, has been stuck in my head since that day (and by the way, criticizing the clothing preferences of others may not be a very effective way to attract people to your church - just sayin').
I listen every day to people talking about what others SHOULD do, and what others SHOULDN'T do. What's healthy, what's not healthy. What's appropriate, what's not appropriate. What's normal, what's not normal. More often than not, these standards are cited as facts, when they really aren't much more than opinions or personal preferences. Some of the most common things I hear in "fact" speeches are, "I was reading in this book, and it said....." or "I heard on the radio...." It makes me wonder, about Christians specifically, where we're getting our "facts." What has become our Bible?
Don't get me wrong, teachers are great, books are great, sermons are great. However, as professed followers of Jesus, we might consider comparing these "facts" we learn with what He and His Dad have to say. If they jive, great. If they don't, we could stand to study it a little deeper to find His truth for ourselves. If we don't do the work and learn for ourselves, it's not really even our knowledge to own.... is it? It's just.... well, borrowed. Hearsay. Beautified gossip.
I have a tendency to be a tad controversial at times (gasp. swoon. faint.), so it comes as no surprise that I challenge Christians with questions when they present a "fact" to me.
"Where did you hear that?"
"Where did you read that?
.... and my personal favourite....
"Show me where it says that in the Bible."
Strangely enough, most of the Christians I ask the latter of, can't do it, because it didn't come from THE Bible, but rather, some sort of churchy, religious teaching. YUCK. Not only that, but a lot of times, in comparison with the words of Jesus (you know.... that guy God sent down here to rescue us from death?), the "fact" is completely opposite of down and dirty, Biblical truth.
It's interesting, isn't it?
According to basic Christian beliefs, when our lives are over, we stand before God alone and account for our actions and lives. Therefore, we would be wise to make GOD'S Word our standard..... our.... um.... Bible. THE Bible, THE Word of God is.... "living and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart." (Hebrews 4:12)
So.... what's your Bible?
Fashion magazines? Psychology books? Self-help books? Beth Moore Bible studies? Television or radio programs? Catechism? Blog sites like this one? Purpose driven church books? World renown author books?
Just something to think about.
By the way, I'm curious.... what DOES "dress her age" mean? Furthermore, I wonder what Bible gives the standards for this particular issue. It must be a different Bible than I've seen, as mine doesn't have a list of what you must wear when you turn certain ages. Don't take my word for it. Look it up for yourself.
*shrug*
January 29, 2010
How Often Do You Invalidate People?
I've been thinking about psychological invalidation lately. I know... one marvels at the thought that I could be thinking......I'm usually so lighthearted, right? ;o)
Anyway....
It concerns me how many of us think we have authority over the feelings of others. Even more concerning, is how many of us RELINQUISH our feelings to others because of invalidating statements that are made to us when we express them.
Christians are especially notorious for demanding that we not pay attention to how we feel, as (*said in a very religious voice*) "feelings are not always TRUTH!!" For example, if you feel bad about yourself, many times you are told to quote scripture to magically change that feeling, rather than to find the root of it and allow God to truly "set you free."
It's weird. It's a weird concept. Don't deal with it. Just say these words and they will make it go away. Yeah.....weird.
Don't get me wrong, I do believe God can transform your mind through His Word (among other things), but that's when HE is allowed to walk you through it, not when you're going through the systematic method that Christians have set up for you. I'm also not completely sold on psychoanalysis and all the "solutions" it provides, but it does bear some credibility in the fact that it lets you be....*GASP!*.... human.
Sooooo..... what does all this mean? Nothing, really. I'm just thinking. Hopefully, after you've read this, if you even make it to the end, you will be thinking, too. That's it. Just think about it.
THE FOLLOWING IS AN EXCERPT FROM EQI.ORG ...... A VERY INTERESTING WEBSITE
Examples of invalidating expressions.
Each is an attempt to talk you out of your feelings.
"Ordering" You to Feel Differently
Smile.
Be happy.
Cheer up
Lighten up.
Get over it.
Grow up
Get a life
Don't cry.
Don't worry.
Don't be sad.
Stop whining
Stop laughing..
Don't get angry
Deal with it.
Give it a rest.
Forget about it.
Stop complaining.
Don't be so dramatic.
Don't be so sensitive.
Stop being so emotional.
Stop feeling sorry for yourself
Stop taking everything so personally
Ordering You to "Look" Differently
Don't look so sad.
Don't look so smug.
Don't look so down.
Don't look like that.
Don't make that face.
Don't look so serious.
Don't look so proud of yourself.
Don't look so pleased with yourself.
Denying Your Perception, Defending
You've got it all wrong.
But of course I respect you.
But I do listen to you.
That is ridiculous (nonsense, totally absurd, etc.)
I was only kidding.
That's not the way things are.
That's not how things are.
I honestly don't judge you as much as you think.
It's not going to happen
Trying to Make You Feel Guilty While Invalidating You
I tried to help you..
At least I .....
At least you....
You are making everyone else miserable.
Trying to Isolate You
You are the only one who feels that way.
It doesn't bother anyone else, why should it bother you?
Minimizing Your Feelings
You must be kidding.
You can't be serious.
It can't be that bad.
Your life can't be that bad.
You are just ... (being difficult; being dramatic, in a bad mood, tired, etc)
It's nothing to get upset over.
It's not worth getting that upset over.
There's nothing wrong with you.
Using Reason
There is no reason to get upset.
You are not being rational.
But it doesn't make any sense to feel that way.
Let's look at the facts.
Let's stick to the facts.
But if you really think about it....
Debating
I don't always do that.
It's not that bad. (that far, that heavy, that hot, that serious, etc.)
Judging & Labeling You
You are a cry baby.
You have a problem.
You are too sensitive.
You are over-reacting. You are too thin-skinned.
You are way too emotional.
You are an insensitive jerk.
You need to get your head examined!
You are impossible to talk to.
You are impossible.
You are hopeless.
Turning Things Around
You are making a big deal out of nothing.
You are blowing this way out of proportion.
You are making a mountain out of a molehill.
Trying to Get You to Question Yourself
What is your problem?
What's wrong with you?
What's the matter with you?
Why can't you just get over it?
Why do you always have to ....?
Is that all you can do, complain?
Why are you making such a big deal over it?
What's wrong with you, can't you take a joke?
How can you let a little thing like that bother you?
Don't you think you are being a little dramatic?
Do you really think that crying about it is going to help anything?
Telling You How You "Should" Feel or Act
You should be excited.
You should be thrilled.
You should feel guilty.
You should feel thankful that...
You should be happy that ....
You should be glad that ...
You should just drop it.
You shouldn't worry so much.
You shouldn't let it bother you.
You should just forget about it.
You should feel ashamed of yourself.
You shouldn't wear your heart out on your sleeve.
You shouldn't say that about your father.
Defending The Other Person
Maybe they were just having a bad day.
I am sure she didn't mean it like that.
You just took it wrong.
I am sure she means well.
Negating, Denial & Confusion
Now you know that isn't true.
You don't mean that. You know you love your baby brother.
You don't really mean that. You are just ... (in a bad mood today, tired, cranky)
Sarcasm and Mocking
Oh, you poor thing. Did I hurt your little feelings?
What did you think? The world was created to serve you?
What happened to you? Did you get out of the wrong side of bed again?
Laying Guilt Trips
Don't you ever think of anyone but yourself?
What about my feelings?!
Have you ever stopped to consider my feelings?
Philosophizing Or Clichés
Time heals all wounds.
Every cloud has a silver lining.
Life is full of pain and pleasure.
In time you will understand this.
When you are older you will understand
You are just going through a phase.
Everything has its reasons.
Everything is just the way it is supposed to be.
Talking About You When You Can Hear It
She is impossible to talk to.
You can't say anything to her.
Showing Intolerance
This is getting really old.
This is getting really pathetic.
I am sick of hearing about it.
Trying to Control How Long You Feel Something, or Judging You for How Long You Feel It
Are you still upset over that? It happened a long time ago.
You should be over that by now.
Explanations
Maybe it is because...
That is because
Of course, because you.... (This one hurts four ways. First, the "of course" minimizes what you feel, second the "because" explains what you feel, as if explaining it nullifies the feeling, third the "you" blames you and fourth, blaming you is a form of attack which is likely to make you feel either defensive or guilt-tripped or both.)
Anyway....
It concerns me how many of us think we have authority over the feelings of others. Even more concerning, is how many of us RELINQUISH our feelings to others because of invalidating statements that are made to us when we express them.
Christians are especially notorious for demanding that we not pay attention to how we feel, as (*said in a very religious voice*) "feelings are not always TRUTH!!" For example, if you feel bad about yourself, many times you are told to quote scripture to magically change that feeling, rather than to find the root of it and allow God to truly "set you free."
It's weird. It's a weird concept. Don't deal with it. Just say these words and they will make it go away. Yeah.....weird.
Don't get me wrong, I do believe God can transform your mind through His Word (among other things), but that's when HE is allowed to walk you through it, not when you're going through the systematic method that Christians have set up for you. I'm also not completely sold on psychoanalysis and all the "solutions" it provides, but it does bear some credibility in the fact that it lets you be....*GASP!*.... human.
Sooooo..... what does all this mean? Nothing, really. I'm just thinking. Hopefully, after you've read this, if you even make it to the end, you will be thinking, too. That's it. Just think about it.
THE FOLLOWING IS AN EXCERPT FROM EQI.ORG ...... A VERY INTERESTING WEBSITE
Examples of invalidating expressions.
Each is an attempt to talk you out of your feelings.
"Ordering" You to Feel Differently
Smile.
Be happy.
Cheer up
Lighten up.
Get over it.
Grow up
Get a life
Don't cry.
Don't worry.
Don't be sad.
Stop whining
Stop laughing..
Don't get angry
Deal with it.
Give it a rest.
Forget about it.
Stop complaining.
Don't be so dramatic.
Don't be so sensitive.
Stop being so emotional.
Stop feeling sorry for yourself
Stop taking everything so personally
Ordering You to "Look" Differently
Don't look so sad.
Don't look so smug.
Don't look so down.
Don't look like that.
Don't make that face.
Don't look so serious.
Don't look so proud of yourself.
Don't look so pleased with yourself.
Denying Your Perception, Defending
You've got it all wrong.
But of course I respect you.
But I do listen to you.
That is ridiculous (nonsense, totally absurd, etc.)
I was only kidding.
That's not the way things are.
That's not how things are.
I honestly don't judge you as much as you think.
It's not going to happen
Trying to Make You Feel Guilty While Invalidating You
I tried to help you..
At least I .....
At least you....
You are making everyone else miserable.
Trying to Isolate You
You are the only one who feels that way.
It doesn't bother anyone else, why should it bother you?
Minimizing Your Feelings
You must be kidding.
You can't be serious.
It can't be that bad.
Your life can't be that bad.
You are just ... (being difficult; being dramatic, in a bad mood, tired, etc)
It's nothing to get upset over.
It's not worth getting that upset over.
There's nothing wrong with you.
Using Reason
There is no reason to get upset.
You are not being rational.
But it doesn't make any sense to feel that way.
Let's look at the facts.
Let's stick to the facts.
But if you really think about it....
Debating
I don't always do that.
It's not that bad. (that far, that heavy, that hot, that serious, etc.)
Judging & Labeling You
You are a cry baby.
You have a problem.
You are too sensitive.
You are over-reacting. You are too thin-skinned.
You are way too emotional.
You are an insensitive jerk.
You need to get your head examined!
You are impossible to talk to.
You are impossible.
You are hopeless.
Turning Things Around
You are making a big deal out of nothing.
You are blowing this way out of proportion.
You are making a mountain out of a molehill.
Trying to Get You to Question Yourself
What is your problem?
What's wrong with you?
What's the matter with you?
Why can't you just get over it?
Why do you always have to ....?
Is that all you can do, complain?
Why are you making such a big deal over it?
What's wrong with you, can't you take a joke?
How can you let a little thing like that bother you?
Don't you think you are being a little dramatic?
Do you really think that crying about it is going to help anything?
Telling You How You "Should" Feel or Act
You should be excited.
You should be thrilled.
You should feel guilty.
You should feel thankful that...
You should be happy that ....
You should be glad that ...
You should just drop it.
You shouldn't worry so much.
You shouldn't let it bother you.
You should just forget about it.
You should feel ashamed of yourself.
You shouldn't wear your heart out on your sleeve.
You shouldn't say that about your father.
Defending The Other Person
Maybe they were just having a bad day.
I am sure she didn't mean it like that.
You just took it wrong.
I am sure she means well.
Negating, Denial & Confusion
Now you know that isn't true.
You don't mean that. You know you love your baby brother.
You don't really mean that. You are just ... (in a bad mood today, tired, cranky)
Sarcasm and Mocking
Oh, you poor thing. Did I hurt your little feelings?
What did you think? The world was created to serve you?
What happened to you? Did you get out of the wrong side of bed again?
Laying Guilt Trips
Don't you ever think of anyone but yourself?
What about my feelings?!
Have you ever stopped to consider my feelings?
Philosophizing Or Clichés
Time heals all wounds.
Every cloud has a silver lining.
Life is full of pain and pleasure.
In time you will understand this.
When you are older you will understand
You are just going through a phase.
Everything has its reasons.
Everything is just the way it is supposed to be.
Talking About You When You Can Hear It
She is impossible to talk to.
You can't say anything to her.
Showing Intolerance
This is getting really old.
This is getting really pathetic.
I am sick of hearing about it.
Trying to Control How Long You Feel Something, or Judging You for How Long You Feel It
Are you still upset over that? It happened a long time ago.
You should be over that by now.
Explanations
Maybe it is because...
That is because
Of course, because you.... (This one hurts four ways. First, the "of course" minimizes what you feel, second the "because" explains what you feel, as if explaining it nullifies the feeling, third the "you" blames you and fourth, blaming you is a form of attack which is likely to make you feel either defensive or guilt-tripped or both.)
January 19, 2010
I Will Try Harder.... Will You?
The other day, my friend was driving me back to work after lunch and we got stopped at one of the downtown stoplights. I happened to glance across the street and I saw this lady I know heading down the sidewalk in her electric wheelchair. I thought, "oh, I know her," and didn't really think much about it until I realized that her chair wasn't really moving forward. As I gave it a more concentrated look, I realized that she was stuck, because the sidewalk hadn't been shoveled very well after the recent snow.
I said to my friend, "Awww....she's stuck!!" Neither one of us could do anything about it, as we were in the middle of downtown traffic. There was a guy walking towards her, clutching a McDonald's cup, and as we drove away in the cluster of busy vehicles, I hoped he would at least kick some of the snow out of the way, so she could go on with her day.
I have to wonder if she felt angry....hurt.... left to fend for herself, maybe? Did she, at that moment, or does she constantly wonder if anyone cares enough about her to make a little extra effort? How many times a day does she encounter similar situations? These questions, among others, went storming through my head like a monstrous tornado, sucking up my thoughts and spinning them about wildly. As the debris of imagination floated to the floor of my mind, I began picking up the pieces of my own story.
You see, at about this time five months ago, my mother and my best friend were in my room at St. Mary's Hospital playing Cribbage, while I was sound asleep recovering from back surgery . A "simple" surgery had turned out to be very complicated, and kept me in the process for about eight hours. From that day forward, my life hasn't been the same.
Because of the severity of the ruptured disc in my back, my sciatic nerve was badly crushed. During surgery, they had to manipulate the nerve to get to the rupture, thus making it "angry", and only partially functional. They expect it to regenerate and be normal again, but according to the books, you only get one millimeter of growth back per day. My right leg is numb from the knee down to the tips of my toes..... I now have a disability.
I wear a brace on my leg to help my foot work, and to keep my ankle from turning since my muscles aren't currently working. It has slowed me down significantly, and has had an effect everything in my life and daily routines. I even had to go out and buy new shoes several sizes too big to fit the stupid thing. I walk slower, I get up and down slower, and I won't even go into the three ring circus act I perform while putting on and taking off those clown shoes.
I dread hearing words like, hurry, quickly, and I get especially self conscious when someone invites me into their home, as I know it's an unwritten rule in Minnesota that you must remove your shoes at the door, lest you track mud and snow everywhere you step. I CAN'T hurry. I CAN'T go quickly. It's not that I don't want to.... I just CAN'T.
I was recently in a play in which two scenes required some of us cast members to serve tea and cakes to the audience. At the exact cue, several of us were to go QUICKLY over to the tea service station, grab our trays and move SWIFTLY back to get the job done. I started out very far away from the service station, but soon discovered that I couldn't get back through the crowd fast enough and was getting run over by those who had two working legs.
I moved myself closer to the "middle" of the scene so I would have a little more time, but still got shouldered and bumped, as I was not moving fast enough. Not only was I getting hurt by bodies ramming into me as they whisked by, but I was hurting myself by forcing my own body to move quickly before it was completely healed.
I adjusted again, and placed myself at the very back of the scene. I was then able to get mostly out of the way until the last minute when three or four able bodies would cut me off and throw me off balance just before I reached the service station.
Finally, I surrendered and removed myself from the scene completely, so that I would have time to grab a tray of teacups and get out of the way of the rushing crowd.
So.... why am I writing about this?
I'll tell you why. I am willing to put money down on the table that not one single person involved in those tea serving scenes even realized what was happening, or how I was getting hurt because they were in such a rush. Likewise, I would lay down another ten dollars to bet that whoever shoveled the sidewalk the other day probably didn't give a single thought to someone in an electric wheelchair getting stuck.
When you stop by the store after work to grab something for supper, because you have a meeting or a recital or a church service or a concert or a school event or a........... *sigh*.....
......how many people do you plow down in the process? How many times do you lose patience because someone in front of you is moving too slow and they are IN YOUR WAY!!...? Do you ever think that whooshing past them could possibly throw them off balance, or further injure a delicate wound?
And how many times in that same store do you see people in wheelchairs, with canes, crutches, arm braces, neck braces, leg braces....... and stop to help them, NOT in the name of feeling sorry for them, but just because they are worth your time?
Or....... ARE they.... worth... your.... time.....?
In our society, we are in a hurry. We try to cram 38 hours of appointments into a 24 hour day, and our stores are jammed with as many items as we can fit and still not break the fire codes. I need to do this. I need to do that. I don't have time. I don't have patience. I just can't be bothered. I have my own life to worry about......
In the meantime, people, the PEOPLE we are supposed to care about, are...... they are..... drowning in our wake. The PEOPLE like the wheelchair lady are getting stuck in the snow because we didn't care enough to shovel it so she could get through. The PEOPLE driving the little carts at Wal-mart can't get through the clothing aisles because the racks are too close together. Oh, my friends, this can't be right. We are kicking them while they're down and we don't even know it!
I'm sorry. I am so sorry. To all the PEOPLE I've mowed over in my own hurry, I'm sorry. To all the PEOPLE who have gotten hurt, felt abandoned, left to fend for themselves, I'm so sorry. I will try harder to see you.... to SEE you..... to imagine what it's like to be in your shoes..... to think about something other than my busy schedule..... I will.
I hope all of us will..............try harder...................................
I said to my friend, "Awww....she's stuck!!" Neither one of us could do anything about it, as we were in the middle of downtown traffic. There was a guy walking towards her, clutching a McDonald's cup, and as we drove away in the cluster of busy vehicles, I hoped he would at least kick some of the snow out of the way, so she could go on with her day.
I have to wonder if she felt angry....hurt.... left to fend for herself, maybe? Did she, at that moment, or does she constantly wonder if anyone cares enough about her to make a little extra effort? How many times a day does she encounter similar situations? These questions, among others, went storming through my head like a monstrous tornado, sucking up my thoughts and spinning them about wildly. As the debris of imagination floated to the floor of my mind, I began picking up the pieces of my own story.
You see, at about this time five months ago, my mother and my best friend were in my room at St. Mary's Hospital playing Cribbage, while I was sound asleep recovering from back surgery . A "simple" surgery had turned out to be very complicated, and kept me in the process for about eight hours. From that day forward, my life hasn't been the same.
Because of the severity of the ruptured disc in my back, my sciatic nerve was badly crushed. During surgery, they had to manipulate the nerve to get to the rupture, thus making it "angry", and only partially functional. They expect it to regenerate and be normal again, but according to the books, you only get one millimeter of growth back per day. My right leg is numb from the knee down to the tips of my toes..... I now have a disability.
I wear a brace on my leg to help my foot work, and to keep my ankle from turning since my muscles aren't currently working. It has slowed me down significantly, and has had an effect everything in my life and daily routines. I even had to go out and buy new shoes several sizes too big to fit the stupid thing. I walk slower, I get up and down slower, and I won't even go into the three ring circus act I perform while putting on and taking off those clown shoes.
I dread hearing words like, hurry, quickly, and I get especially self conscious when someone invites me into their home, as I know it's an unwritten rule in Minnesota that you must remove your shoes at the door, lest you track mud and snow everywhere you step. I CAN'T hurry. I CAN'T go quickly. It's not that I don't want to.... I just CAN'T.
I was recently in a play in which two scenes required some of us cast members to serve tea and cakes to the audience. At the exact cue, several of us were to go QUICKLY over to the tea service station, grab our trays and move SWIFTLY back to get the job done. I started out very far away from the service station, but soon discovered that I couldn't get back through the crowd fast enough and was getting run over by those who had two working legs.
I moved myself closer to the "middle" of the scene so I would have a little more time, but still got shouldered and bumped, as I was not moving fast enough. Not only was I getting hurt by bodies ramming into me as they whisked by, but I was hurting myself by forcing my own body to move quickly before it was completely healed.
I adjusted again, and placed myself at the very back of the scene. I was then able to get mostly out of the way until the last minute when three or four able bodies would cut me off and throw me off balance just before I reached the service station.
Finally, I surrendered and removed myself from the scene completely, so that I would have time to grab a tray of teacups and get out of the way of the rushing crowd.
So.... why am I writing about this?
I'll tell you why. I am willing to put money down on the table that not one single person involved in those tea serving scenes even realized what was happening, or how I was getting hurt because they were in such a rush. Likewise, I would lay down another ten dollars to bet that whoever shoveled the sidewalk the other day probably didn't give a single thought to someone in an electric wheelchair getting stuck.
When you stop by the store after work to grab something for supper, because you have a meeting or a recital or a church service or a concert or a school event or a........... *sigh*.....
......how many people do you plow down in the process? How many times do you lose patience because someone in front of you is moving too slow and they are IN YOUR WAY!!...? Do you ever think that whooshing past them could possibly throw them off balance, or further injure a delicate wound?
And how many times in that same store do you see people in wheelchairs, with canes, crutches, arm braces, neck braces, leg braces....... and stop to help them, NOT in the name of feeling sorry for them, but just because they are worth your time?
Or....... ARE they.... worth... your.... time.....?
In our society, we are in a hurry. We try to cram 38 hours of appointments into a 24 hour day, and our stores are jammed with as many items as we can fit and still not break the fire codes. I need to do this. I need to do that. I don't have time. I don't have patience. I just can't be bothered. I have my own life to worry about......
In the meantime, people, the PEOPLE we are supposed to care about, are...... they are..... drowning in our wake. The PEOPLE like the wheelchair lady are getting stuck in the snow because we didn't care enough to shovel it so she could get through. The PEOPLE driving the little carts at Wal-mart can't get through the clothing aisles because the racks are too close together. Oh, my friends, this can't be right. We are kicking them while they're down and we don't even know it!
I'm sorry. I am so sorry. To all the PEOPLE I've mowed over in my own hurry, I'm sorry. To all the PEOPLE who have gotten hurt, felt abandoned, left to fend for themselves, I'm so sorry. I will try harder to see you.... to SEE you..... to imagine what it's like to be in your shoes..... to think about something other than my busy schedule..... I will.
I hope all of us will..............try harder...................................
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