The Weirdness of Me.

Write On?

2012-01-06T09:05:00.000-06:00

I've been looking though the blog posts I've written over the past couple of years, and for every published post, there are about three more that I wasn't brave enough to finish.

I LOVE to write, and I really need to do it more often. I just don't always know what to write about these days. My life? My experiences? My thoughts? (Oy. Now THAT is scary.)

What should I write about? What do you want to know?

Stop By Any Time??

2011-09-09T10:53:00.001-05:00

I was raised in New Mexico. I hated it while I was there, but since I've moved away, I've discovered that there are several things I really miss.

Iced tea. There's always tea. Always.
Cowboys who hold doors, take their hats off and love their mamas.
The smell of the fresh Ruidoso mountain air in the morning. Mmm...
Brisket and fried okra. And REAL Mexican food.
Little old grannies who boss you around and swat your butt if you're sassy.
Going out for a "coke".
Allsup's burritoes. It's just one of those things.

I could go on and on, but I won't. Only the New Mexico folks would understand, anyway.

Having said all that, one of the things I miss the most is, "Stop by any time!" Where I grew up, doors were open and people REALLY meant it when they threw that statement out to you. Depending on who you were visiting, you might not even have to knock. You could walk in and yell for whoever was home. They would yell back.... "We're in here... get yourself something to drink (usually tea) and get in here!" If you happened to stop by during dinner, it wasn't awkward and full of apologies. It was, "Siddown (translation: sit down). Here's a plate. Eat."

The Minnesota version of this is, "Yes... we should get together soon... let's check our schedules and calendars and find a time slot that works for all of us. Oh, and make sure you call to confirm before you come."

Huh?

You don't dare just stop by most peoples' houses here... it's considered disrespectful.

Wait.... what? Stopping by someone's house just because you're in the neighborhood and want to say hello is disrespectful? Really? Where I come from, that's one of the ways you care for people. I wish, oh, how I wish I could call a bunch of my New Mexico people up here to give these stuffy Germans and Norwegians a solid dose of good old southern hospitality.

Now, I'm not dismissing the privacy factor, as some things are very personal, but I truly don't understand the "closed door" policy most people up here seem to have. What is so wrong with stopping by just because you're thinking about someone and want them to know it? Hey, Minnesota... psst.... listen.... your life is NOT going to crumble to the ground if your friends stop by unannounced. Really. It will be okay. Sit with them. Chat with them. Care for them. Let them care for you. Who cares if your house isn't perfectly in order with vacuum lines on the carpet and a scented candle burning?! Who cares if the dishes aren't done?! Who cares if you're in your sweats and grubby t-shirt?! Live! Be real. Open up! Share!

I think we SHOULD have those real moments with each other. The down and dirty ones. The off-guard ones. The ones that show the true lives we live, rather than the perfectly tailored images we try to present when we have time to prepare. Perhaps it would do us good to open our doors and allow people to "stop by any time." We might discover that we're not all as put together as we'd like to be, and that it's okay to just be human.

Agree or disagree. That's your choice. I will leave you with this: I am not perfect. My house is sometimes really messy. The dishes are often sitting on the counter waiting to be done. Even the litter box isn't always scooped (*GASP*). But... my door is always open, so PLEASE..... stop by any time.

There's always tea.

The Lyrics of Life #5

2011-08-26T09:32:00.000-05:00

Out my window, I see... the beautiful day... looks like it's going to rain. I love rain!

I am pondering... The shallowness of the business world. It seems to be all about how you dress and who you know. I HATE that. It's so maddening to see people judged by their appearance and connections. What the heck difference does it make if you get the job done??? Geez.

Looking forward to... Payday. That's always a plus.

I am grateful for... my bestest friend, Stacey. She is just amazing.

Something I have learned recently... It's not that I learned it recently, but I was recently reminded that Christians can be some of the most harsh, judgmental, people. It's really sad when you see more of God's character in atheists than you do in Christians. Oy.

An awesome quote... "I am always doing that which I cannot do, in order that I may learn how to do it." ~ Pablo Picasso

I love... tomatoes. I just love them.

It would appear that... most people are more comfortable being charged for something than taking it for free. Odd.

I am hearing... my own thoughts twisting about in my head.

Something musical... I lost one of the music books I really like. Can't for the life of me figure out what I did with it. So frustrating.

Around my house... I really want to reorganize the stuff in my kitchen cabinets. We'll see if I'm actually motivated to follow through.

One of my favourite things... Watching the trees turn from green to their gorgeous fall colours. Aaahhhh.

Five random things that have happened this week:
1. Got to go to Thursdays on First AND the Farmer's Market.

2. I got to go straight home from work and STAY there several days this week. I don't even remember the last time that happened.

3. Sat in traffic through 9 green lights. Exciting, I know.

4. Got a phone call to photograph a cactus blossom. Said blossoms don't last very long, I guess.

5. Started making plans for the great Minnesota Get Together. Junk food on a stick. W

Picture of the day... The cactus blossom. It's actually pretty cool.

The Lyrics of Life #4

2011-08-19T11:52:00.000-05:00

Yes, I know.... I've been only SLIGHTLY sporadic at writing here. For those of you asking, I'll try to do better. :o)

Out my window, I see... a barbecue grill, a table, and a very bright, sunny day.

I am pondering... Regret. Specifically with how little we tell people we love them, cherish them, need them. Life can change so fast. SO fast. We DO NOT KNOW how our next minute will be spent. How their next minute will be spent... whether we'll see them again.... How are we going to feel if something happens to them, and our last words were empty, or angry? More than that, though, are we picking your battles carefully, and doing our best to live peacefully? I have many thoughts on this subject. Perhaps that's another post.

Looking forward to... the Farmer's Market with my dear friend, Jennifer, and then a lovely breakfast with Kristin.

I am grateful for... the surprise visit I was able to pull off on my mom. She had NO idea I was going to show up in Ohio, and it was fabulous. What a great time we had.

Something I have learned recently...

An awesome quote... "The best way to become boring is to say everything." ~Voltaire

Today's duds... Boring. Shirt. Capris. Shoes. Bleh.

I love... watching someone's passion come out. Whatever it is, however it works. Love it.

It would appear that... despite the protest of most people I know, autumn is indeed on its way. My favourite time of year. Ahhhh....

I am hearing... my computer humming, and the air conditioner running.

Something musical... I still need to find an outlet for singing. And I need to start playing the piano more often. And the guitar. I desperately need a keyboard in my house.

Around my house... Well... the little tootsie rolls in the litter box are going to start migrating if I don't clean them out soon. That would be the goal this weekend, among other things. Oh, I'm sorry... was that too much information??? :o)

One of my favourite things... Oswald Chambers, though, technically, he's not a thing. He was such a wise man.

Five random things that have happened this week:
1. Someone gave me a can of whole tomatoes as a sarcastic gift. It was awesome.

2. Despite my Scottish heritage, I attended the Irish Fair in the twin cities. It was great fun.

3. I was able to photograph (at stage level) a concert of The High Kings. What a blast! If you like Irish, Celtic music, you'll love these guys.

4. August 18th marked my twelve-year anniversary at my job. I love what I do! It also marked my two-year anniversary of back surgery. I guess I've come pretty far. Just wish my gimpy foot would work.

5. I enjoyed the cooler weather so much that I started nesting for winter. I'm so excited!

Picture of the day... One of the shots of The High Kings... Love them.

The Lyrics of Life #3

2011-07-29T10:47:00.000-05:00

Out my window, I see... freshly cut grass. A wonderful sight, and it smells great, too!

I am pondering... something a friend said to me yesterday (that her daughter said to her). "Comparing our troubles to others, even when it's a 'good' comparison, is denying God's path for us." I think she's on to something here. Maybe when we try to minimize what we're dealing with or feeling, we are limiting the whole experience God has for us. Perhaps when we face it, feel it to extreme depths, "get in the mud" with it, we'll find ourselves getting to know a whole new aspect of God's character. That's so interesting to think about.

Looking forward to... sleep this weekend. Sleep is good. Sleep is swell.

I am grateful for... the time I've had with my nephew over the past month. He is such an amazing kid, and I'm so glad he's been able to spend so much time with me.

Something I have learned recently... well..... I've learned that I still have so much to learn. It just never stops, does it? You can learn and learn and learn and still never learn it all.

An awesome quote... "The high minded man must care more for the truth than for what people think." ~Aristotle

Today's duds... Black Words Players shirt, black capris, clear Chucks, plaid socks.

I love... building deep relationships.

It would appear that... my poor little tomato plant is on its way out. It's given me some good fruit, but I think the end is near.

I am hearing... my thoughts... they're taking over the air space in my head. Wait.... uh..... that can't be right.

Something musical... I have discovered that I really don't care for "The Music Man" as a whole. The Words Players kids are phenomenal, but it's just not my favourite musical.

Around my house... Josiah and I will be spending some time cleaning tomorrow, just to catch up from the week.

One of my favourite things... having a deep, rich conversation with someone. Forget the weather talk. Let's dig deep and really talk. Love it.

Five random things that have happened this week:
1. Josiah beat me in a vicious match of Hungry, Hungry Hippos.

2. I got some collectors glasses as a gift from a good friend, bringing my total of them to 44. Yay!

3. I was reminded how much I love my friends. I am so fortunate.

4. I got a push broom at an auction for $5. I was very excited. I had NO idea push brooms were so stinking expensive in the stores. Those suckers are $20!

5. One of my good friends made it home safely after being gone for five weeks. Happy. :o)

Picture of the day... this is what happens when my good friend goes away for five weeks...

The Lyrics of Life #2

2011-06-17T16:14:00.000-05:00

Out my window, I see... hot sunshine and two robins that appear to be protecting a nest.

I am pondering... how we as people tend to only listen to, and take the advice from people who are "on our side" in a situation. It's manipulative, and yet we seem to have this need to try to sway people our direction, and lock them in to our story or opinion. For example, next time you're sitting around a table in a meeting or a discussion, watch the dynamics, and observe how one person will try to seek out eye contact with another person they think is "with them". They will hook on to each other, and become a force together, seeking out the next brick in their wall. It's very fascinating.

Looking forward to... next week when "Annie" opens. I think it's going to be a great show. :o)

I am grateful for... the opportunities I've had lately to meet some really cool people.

Something I have learned recently... young men and women tend to saunter across the street like they own it, while old ladies and gentlemen scurry, because they don't want to be in the way.

An awesome quote... "The most important kind of freedom is to be what you really are. You trade in your reality for a role. You trade in your sense for an act. You give up your ability to feel, and in exchange, put on a mask. There can't be any large-scale revolution until there's a personal revolution, on an individual level. It's got to happen inside first." ~ Jim Morrison

Today's duds... grey cargoes, eggplant purple shirt, sandals.

I love... my cat. He's the best cat in the world. No, really, he is.

It would appear that... a Wal-Mart trip is in order. Lest I not eat for the next week.

I am hearing... the air conditioner and the clock ticking. It's enough to put me to sleep!

Something musical... I didn't realize how much I enjoy being in musicals. They are so cheesy, but it's so much fun to sing and dance on stage.

Around my house... I really think I will enjoy actually spending some time at home after next week. Time to get it cleaned and straightened, and continue working on it to make it what I want.

One of my favourite things... watching a child's face light up when you tell them you believe in them.

Five random things that have happened this week:
1. I had a dream that my sister-in-law and I were making candles out of red Play-Dough.

2. I was able to shove (and I do mean, SHOVE) my gimpy foot into a pair of dress flats for the first time in nearly two years. Oh, the things we do for the theatre.

3. I gathered up all my courage to slam a shoe down on a spider/centipede thing, only to find out that it was just a dust bunny.

4. I was reminded once again, that kids are just amazing. And if you just allow them to shine, they WILL.

5. My first mortgage payment on my house was made successfully! One down, 90 bazillion more to go!

Picture of the day... the epitome of contentment.

The Lyrics of Life

2011-06-10T11:30:00.000-05:00

I used to participate in this thing called, "The Simple Woman's Daybook," which was a weekly recording of random happenings in one's life. However, I got out the habit, and truth be told, I am the farthest thing from "simple" anyway. People keep telling me they miss the weekly update, SO.... I'll do my own version, and see how it goes each week.

Out my window, I see... a gorgeous cloudy sky, and the trees blowing in the breeze. Delicious day.

I am pondering... whether or not flies wish they had sunglasses.

Looking forward to... vacation. I really need some time to just chill. No deadlines. Just relaxing.

I am grateful for... my new house. I am so.... dare I say it?..... blessed. Oy.

Something I have learned recently... if you have a bush outside your house that you want to trim, wear gloves. It could have sharp, pointy things on it. And they could tear up your arms.

An awesome quote... "Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail." ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

Today's duds... jeans, red long-sleeved shirt, chucks. Very comfy.

I love... that I have a tomato plant of my own. Next year, I'm going to try to plant more veggies. VEGGIES!!!

It would appear that... I won't have another free night till the end of June. I love being busy and active!

I am hearing... the sound of a machine running.

Something musical... I would really, REALLY like a keyboard in my house, so I can play again.

Around my house... I have to learn how to get out of my new house. It's not as easy as you think when you've been used to living with only one entrance and no garage for ten years.

One of my favourite things... capturing people and things and emotions through the camera. LOVE.

Five random things that have happened this week:

1. I discovered that what I thought was rhubarb was only skunk cabbage. Thanks to Mark and Libby for that revelation.

2. I went to the movie, "Soul Surfer". It was pretty good. Inspiring.

3. I made a complete fool of myself in an audition. Classic.

4. I won popsicle maker things at a bridal shower. Woot.

5. I broke my shoe in a rehearsal. It's tragic. My most comfy pair of Chucks.

Picture of the day... I love this picture of Audrey. I had pictured it in my head and asked her to pose for it, and it turned out better than I thought it would.

Blogging as Narcissism?

2011-04-22T10:29:00.001-05:00

One of my closest friends recently shared an experience with me. It was an exchange between her and someone very dear to her regarding blogging. This person considered blogging to be narcissistic and braggadocious, and sort of .... well... slammed her for keeping a blog at all.

My friend expressed that she's not an expert on much, but she is an expert on her life. It's what she knows and lives, and somehow, she hopes to bring joy to others by sharing it through blogging.

I say, she's right. We aren't experts on much, are we? However, we ARE experts on our own lives. I mean, who, other than God, knows our lives better than we do? And why shouldn't we share that with others? It's how we learn, how we reason things out, how we relate to each other, and for me, it's how I learn about who God is.... or isn't.

I WANT to hear what you're thinking, feeling, going through. I WANT to laugh with you, cry with you, and learn life lessons from you. So, please, if you're a blogger, keep it up! If you're not, consider doing it. If you've thought about it, and are hesitant, please know that I am waiting, with baited breath to hear what you have to say. Truly.

You are valuable, and your thoughts and feelings matter to me.

It's Not Our Job

2011-02-25T13:51:00.004-06:00

His sign reads, "Homeless. Hungry. Anything helps. God bless." He regularly stands on the corner of 2nd street in the freezing winter. I've driven past him nearly every day for months now, and I still don't know his name. Today, I noticed that his gloves don't match, and it got me thinking (I know, I know, it's always scary when I start thinking!) about how people treat him.

I wonder...

When they drive by, do they sit in their warm vehicles and avoid making eye contact with him? Do they look at him and shake their heads in judgmental disgust, and snarl about how he should go out and get a job? Do they criticize him because he smokes, and he's wasting his money on that "nasty habit" when he could be spending the money on food?

I wonder...

Do they feel compassion for him and hand him money? Do they ever give him food? And if they do give him food, is it in a can? Because food in a can wouldn't do any good if you don't have a can opener. Does it have to be heated? It would be terribly hard to heat something with no oven. Is it something he likes? Has anyone ever asked him what he likes? Maybe he doesn't like bologna. Or maybe he's allergic to peanuts. Maybe he's a vegetarian.

Oh... but wait.... beggars can't be choosers, right? He should be grateful for what he gets.... right? If he's going to be lazy and not work, then he doesn't have the right to choose...... right?

Hmm. I wonder....

I wonder if we realize that he's not just a dirty fixture on the street corner. He's a person. A living, breathing person. God made this gentleman in His image, just like He did you and me. He cares deeply about his sorrows and his joys, just like He cares about ours. He loves him - like He loves us... mercifully and unconditionally... no matter what.... always.

I wonder if we stop to think that we have never walked in this man's shoes, and there's no way we could possibly know about his journey. Maybe he had a devastating blow in his life, and there was no one to help him through it. Maybe he's sick and trying to just make it. Maybe he lost his family to a tragedy. Or maybe he just likes standing on the corner. Who knows?

And then I wonder if we know that it's not our business to judge ANY of his life. At all.

I was having a conversation with a 14-year old the other day at the theatre. In that conversation, he was expressing his thoughts about love, and how if we would just LOVE each other - REALLY love each other - a lot of the problems in our world would be solved. He's right. Judging hurts. Love covers. Love seems the better, more Jesus-y option.

Whatever that means to you, do it. LOVE. Because, judging.... yeah... that's not our job.

Do We REALLY Make a Difference?

2011-01-27T08:26:00.003-06:00

Joseph Johnson stands out on the side of the road nearly every single day and flashes the "Peace" sign to everyone driving by. American flag in one hand. Pepsi can in the other. Through every season, dressed for every holiday, he is faithfully there, waving away.

One day, our former Vicar stopped and chatted with Joseph, and asked him why he does what he does. His response still warms my heart and makes me chuckle with affection. He told the Vicar that he flashes the "Peace" sign because he's spreading the peace of God.

"Oh yeah?" asked Vicar Seth. "Which god is that?"

"You know... the regular God. Jesus' Dad."

How can you not love that??

At first when I saw Joseph, I was simply amused and happy to wave back, but then something odd happened. That tiny little expression of selflessness became something I looked forward to every day. I would turn on to 2nd Street and begin scanning the area while I was still a block and a half away. If a little moving spec appeared in my vision, my groggy morning mood would lift immediately, and I would prepare to receive my portion of the "regular God's peace."

One day I drove by, and much to my horror, Joseph wasn't there.

"What?!?! Where IS he?!" I lamented. "Doesn't he KNOW I look forward to this every day??"

And right then was when I realized that this man, a complete stranger to me, had (and still has) a true impact on my life.

You wouldn't normally think much of it, would you? A man dressed in wild outfits and waving at people would maybe even elicit a snicker of mocking from some. However, Joseph's small gesture of selflessness has an impact far greater than he could ever know. He doesn't have to stand out there in the middle of winter when the windchill is 30 degrees below zero, or in the summer when the humidity is so thick you can practically eat it with a fork. But he does. And for no other reason than to spread some peace.

It is a mysterious thing to give of yourself just because you can. When you are selfless, you may be making a difference in someone's life and not even realize it. Take some time to think about it, but then make some time for action. Call someone. Wave. Write a letter. Smile. Be kind to someone who's having a bad day. Extend as much grace as you would hope to receive.

Make a difference.

Love and Acceptance? I Think NOT!

2010-11-13T23:33:00.002-06:00

I don't like the modern day church's small group concept. I'm not talking about a small group of random people chatting it up about whatever.

I'm talking about these little criteria-based groups that the churches have decided to set up. Jesus NEVER talked about separating out into groups where you would have to meet certain criteria to attend. He DID talk about coming together, reasoning together. He DID talk about the older folks teaching the younger folks. He DID talk about UNCONDITIONAL love and acceptance. The churches have set up these structured, criteria-based groups that are supposed to be so great, and in the meantime, people are dying on the sidelines because they don't fit in!!

For example, just to keep it neutral, I'll use something silly....

Let's pretend there's a church that has a group for people with blue hair, a group for people with yellow hair, a group for people with green hair, a group for people with purple hair and a group for people with brown hair.

One day, Joe shows up at the church because he's going through a very difficult time, and is looking for answers... or support... or whatever.

But wait.... Joe has black hair..... what group does he join? Where does he find friends, love and acceptance? Because Joe doesn't meet the criteria for the other groups, he either has to separate off and form his own group for people with BLACK hair, or he gets left out. He can't just go to the purple hair group, because, well, that's for people with PURPLE hair.... and they want to talk about their purple hair, and what it's like to live with purple hair and have children with purple hair.

According to the small group segregation, because Joe doesn't have purple hair, not only does he NOT fit in, but apparently he has nothing in common with purple-haired people, and well, I guess that means he also has no valid input for people with purple hair. He cannot join their group.... he doesn't belong. And he certainly can't join the blue, yellow, green or brown hair groups either.

Sooooo..... Joe dies a little inside, because he just wants to be loved and accepted, but instead, he's been rejected. The place Joe is supposed to be able to run to and find unconditional love and acceptance is the very place he ends up running FROM because they've hurt him so bad.

WHERE IS JESUS IN THAT?

Jesus ate with everybody. He talked with everybody. He met with everybody. He didn't even allow his own disciples to keep small children away while he was teaching. He rebuked them for excluding the children.... let them come to me!.... What would he have to say about this criteria-based concept? I have to wonder if he would rant through our "temples" and overturn all the tables. I wonder how badly it breaks His heart to see how many people have walked in the doors of the church looking for hope, and walked out the same doors in complete hopelessness.

I know countless.... COUNTLESS "Joes" who cry themselves to sleep at night because they've been hurt so bad by this concept. I also know countless "Joes" who want nothing to do with organized religion (a.k.a., the modern-day church) AT ALL. They are the ones who see the hypocrisy of it all..... they are the ones who see that the Church's representation of Christ's TRUE unconditional love is nothing more than religious lip service.

People are hurting. People want to just be who they are, and not have to be separated out. We should care about THAT.

Yo, Christians, What's Your Bible?

2010-08-19T08:41:00.013-05:00

About nine years ago, I was at a women's conference with a friend of mine. During one of our breaks, my friend overheard some of the women from a local church talking about someone else.

"She really should dress her age," one of them snipped.

That comment, and the attitude that accompanied it, has been stuck in my head since that day (and by the way, criticizing the clothing preferences of others may not be a very effective way to attract people to your church - just sayin').

I listen every day to people talking about what others SHOULD do, and what others SHOULDN'T do. What's healthy, what's not healthy. What's appropriate, what's not appropriate. What's normal, what's not normal. More often than not, these standards are cited as facts, when they really aren't much more than opinions or personal preferences. Some of the most common things I hear in "fact" speeches are, "I was reading in this book, and it said....." or "I heard on the radio...." It makes me wonder, about Christians specifically, where we're getting our "facts." What has become our Bible?

Don't get me wrong, teachers are great, books are great, sermons are great. However, as professed followers of Jesus, we might consider comparing these "facts" we learn with what He and His Dad have to say. If they jive, great. If they don't, we could stand to study it a little deeper to find His truth for ourselves. If we don't do the work and learn for ourselves, it's not really even our knowledge to own.... is it? It's just.... well, borrowed. Hearsay. Beautified gossip.

I have a tendency to be a tad controversial at times (gasp. swoon. faint.), so it comes as no surprise that I challenge Christians with questions when they present a "fact" to me.

"Where did you hear that?"
"Where did you read that?

.... and my personal favourite....

"Show me where it says that in the Bible."

Strangely enough, most of the Christians I ask the latter of, can't do it, because it didn't come from THE Bible, but rather, some sort of churchy, religious teaching. YUCK. Not only that, but a lot of times, in comparison with the words of Jesus (you know.... that guy God sent down here to rescue us from death?), the "fact" is completely opposite of down and dirty, Biblical truth.

It's interesting, isn't it?

According to basic Christian beliefs, when our lives are over, we stand before God alone and account for our actions and lives. Therefore, we would be wise to make GOD'S Word our standard..... our.... um.... Bible. THE Bible, THE Word of God is.... "living and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart." (Hebrews 4:12)

So.... what's your Bible?

Fashion magazines? Psychology books? Self-help books? Beth Moore Bible studies? Television or radio programs? Catechism? Blog sites like this one? Purpose driven church books? World renown author books?

Just something to think about.

By the way, I'm curious.... what DOES "dress her age" mean? Furthermore, I wonder what Bible gives the standards for this particular issue. It must be a different Bible than I've seen, as mine doesn't have a list of what you must wear when you turn certain ages. Don't take my word for it. Look it up for yourself.

*shrug*

How Often Do You Invalidate People?

2010-01-29T10:37:00.001-06:00

I've been thinking about psychological invalidation lately. I know... one marvels at the thought that I could be thinking......I'm usually so lighthearted, right? ;o)

Anyway....

It concerns me how many of us think we have authority over the feelings of others. Even more concerning, is how many of us RELINQUISH our feelings to others because of invalidating statements that are made to us when we express them.

Christians are especially notorious for demanding that we not pay attention to how we feel, as (*said in a very religious voice*) "feelings are not always TRUTH!!" For example, if you feel bad about yourself, many times you are told to quote scripture to magically change that feeling, rather than to find the root of it and allow God to truly "set you free."

It's weird. It's a weird concept. Don't deal with it. Just say these words and they will make it go away. Yeah.....weird.

Don't get me wrong, I do believe God can transform your mind through His Word (among other things), but that's when HE is allowed to walk you through it, not when you're going through the systematic method that Christians have set up for you. I'm also not completely sold on psychoanalysis and all the "solutions" it provides, but it does bear some credibility in the fact that it lets you be....*GASP!*.... human.

Sooooo..... what does all this mean? Nothing, really. I'm just thinking. Hopefully, after you've read this, if you even make it to the end, you will be thinking, too. That's it. Just think about it.

THE FOLLOWING IS AN EXCERPT FROM EQI.ORG ...... A VERY INTERESTING WEBSITE

Examples of invalidating expressions.
Each is an attempt to talk you out of your feelings.

"Ordering" You to Feel Differently
Smile.
Be happy.
Cheer up
Lighten up.
Get over it.
Grow up
Get a life
Don't cry.
Don't worry.
Don't be sad.
Stop whining
Stop laughing..
Don't get angry
Deal with it.
Give it a rest.
Forget about it.
Stop complaining.
Don't be so dramatic.
Don't be so sensitive.
Stop being so emotional.
Stop feeling sorry for yourself
Stop taking everything so personally

Ordering You to "Look" Differently
Don't look so sad.
Don't look so smug.
Don't look so down.
Don't look like that.
Don't make that face.
Don't look so serious.
Don't look so proud of yourself.
Don't look so pleased with yourself.

Denying Your Perception, Defending
You've got it all wrong.
But of course I respect you.
But I do listen to you.
That is ridiculous (nonsense, totally absurd, etc.)
I was only kidding.
That's not the way things are.
That's not how things are.
I honestly don't judge you as much as you think.
It's not going to happen

Trying to Make You Feel Guilty While Invalidating You
I tried to help you..
At least I .....
At least you....
You are making everyone else miserable.

Trying to Isolate You
You are the only one who feels that way.
It doesn't bother anyone else, why should it bother you?

Minimizing Your Feelings
You must be kidding.
You can't be serious.
It can't be that bad.
Your life can't be that bad.
You are just ... (being difficult; being dramatic, in a bad mood, tired, etc)
It's nothing to get upset over.
It's not worth getting that upset over.
There's nothing wrong with you.

Using Reason
There is no reason to get upset.
You are not being rational.
But it doesn't make any sense to feel that way.
Let's look at the facts.
Let's stick to the facts.
But if you really think about it....

Debating
I don't always do that.
It's not that bad. (that far, that heavy, that hot, that serious, etc.)

Judging & Labeling You
You are a cry baby.
You have a problem.
You are too sensitive.
You are over-reacting. You are too thin-skinned.
You are way too emotional.
You are an insensitive jerk.
You need to get your head examined!
You are impossible to talk to.
You are impossible.
You are hopeless.

Turning Things Around
You are making a big deal out of nothing.
You are blowing this way out of proportion.
You are making a mountain out of a molehill.

Trying to Get You to Question Yourself
What is your problem?
What's wrong with you?
What's the matter with you?
Why can't you just get over it?
Why do you always have to ....?
Is that all you can do, complain?
Why are you making such a big deal over it?
What's wrong with you, can't you take a joke?
How can you let a little thing like that bother you?
Don't you think you are being a little dramatic?
Do you really think that crying about it is going to help anything?

Telling You How You "Should" Feel or Act
You should be excited.
You should be thrilled.
You should feel guilty.
You should feel thankful that...
You should be happy that ....
You should be glad that ...
You should just drop it.
You shouldn't worry so much.
You shouldn't let it bother you.
You should just forget about it.
You should feel ashamed of yourself.
You shouldn't wear your heart out on your sleeve.
You shouldn't say that about your father.

Defending The Other Person
Maybe they were just having a bad day.
I am sure she didn't mean it like that.
You just took it wrong.
I am sure she means well.

Negating, Denial & Confusion
Now you know that isn't true.
You don't mean that. You know you love your baby brother.
You don't really mean that. You are just ... (in a bad mood today, tired, cranky)

Sarcasm and Mocking
Oh, you poor thing. Did I hurt your little feelings?
What did you think? The world was created to serve you?
What happened to you? Did you get out of the wrong side of bed again?

Laying Guilt Trips
Don't you ever think of anyone but yourself?
What about my feelings?!
Have you ever stopped to consider my feelings?

Philosophizing Or Clichés
Time heals all wounds.
Every cloud has a silver lining.
Life is full of pain and pleasure.
In time you will understand this.
When you are older you will understand
You are just going through a phase.
Everything has its reasons.
Everything is just the way it is supposed to be.

Talking About You When You Can Hear It
She is impossible to talk to.
You can't say anything to her.

Showing Intolerance
This is getting really old.
This is getting really pathetic.
I am sick of hearing about it.

Trying to Control How Long You Feel Something, or Judging You for How Long You Feel It
Are you still upset over that? It happened a long time ago.
You should be over that by now.

Explanations
Maybe it is because...
That is because
Of course, because you.... (This one hurts four ways. First, the "of course" minimizes what you feel, second the "because" explains what you feel, as if explaining it nullifies the feeling, third the "you" blames you and fourth, blaming you is a form of attack which is likely to make you feel either defensive or guilt-tripped or both.)

I Will Try Harder.... Will You?

2010-01-19T16:36:00.011-06:00

The other day, my friend was driving me back to work after lunch and we got stopped at one of the downtown stoplights. I happened to glance across the street and I saw this lady I know heading down the sidewalk in her electric wheelchair. I thought, "oh, I know her," and didn't really think much about it until I realized that her chair wasn't really moving forward. As I gave it a more concentrated look, I realized that she was stuck, because the sidewalk hadn't been shoveled very well after the recent snow.

I said to my friend, "Awww....she's stuck!!" Neither one of us could do anything about it, as we were in the middle of downtown traffic. There was a guy walking towards her, clutching a McDonald's cup, and as we drove away in the cluster of busy vehicles, I hoped he would at least kick some of the snow out of the way, so she could go on with her day.

I have to wonder if she felt angry....hurt.... left to fend for herself, maybe? Did she, at that moment, or does she constantly wonder if anyone cares enough about her to make a little extra effort? How many times a day does she encounter similar situations? These questions, among others, went storming through my head like a monstrous tornado, sucking up my thoughts and spinning them about wildly. As the debris of imagination floated to the floor of my mind, I began picking up the pieces of my own story.

You see, at about this time five months ago, my mother and my best friend were in my room at St. Mary's Hospital playing Cribbage, while I was sound asleep recovering from back surgery . A "simple" surgery had turned out to be very complicated, and kept me in the process for about eight hours. From that day forward, my life hasn't been the same.

Because of the severity of the ruptured disc in my back, my sciatic nerve was badly crushed. During surgery, they had to manipulate the nerve to get to the rupture, thus making it "angry", and only partially functional. They expect it to regenerate and be normal again, but according to the books, you only get one millimeter of growth back per day. My right leg is numb from the knee down to the tips of my toes..... I now have a disability.

I wear a brace on my leg to help my foot work, and to keep my ankle from turning since my muscles aren't currently working. It has slowed me down significantly, and has had an effect everything in my life and daily routines. I even had to go out and buy new shoes several sizes too big to fit the stupid thing. I walk slower, I get up and down slower, and I won't even go into the three ring circus act I perform while putting on and taking off those clown shoes.

I dread hearing words like, hurry, quickly, and I get especially self conscious when someone invites me into their home, as I know it's an unwritten rule in Minnesota that you must remove your shoes at the door, lest you track mud and snow everywhere you step. I CAN'T hurry. I CAN'T go quickly. It's not that I don't want to.... I just CAN'T.

I was recently in a play in which two scenes required some of us cast members to serve tea and cakes to the audience. At the exact cue, several of us were to go QUICKLY over to the tea service station, grab our trays and move SWIFTLY back to get the job done. I started out very far away from the service station, but soon discovered that I couldn't get back through the crowd fast enough and was getting run over by those who had two working legs.

I moved myself closer to the "middle" of the scene so I would have a little more time, but still got shouldered and bumped, as I was not moving fast enough. Not only was I getting hurt by bodies ramming into me as they whisked by, but I was hurting myself by forcing my own body to move quickly before it was completely healed.

I adjusted again, and placed myself at the very back of the scene. I was then able to get mostly out of the way until the last minute when three or four able bodies would cut me off and throw me off balance just before I reached the service station.

Finally, I surrendered and removed myself from the scene completely, so that I would have time to grab a tray of teacups and get out of the way of the rushing crowd.

So.... why am I writing about this?

I'll tell you why. I am willing to put money down on the table that not one single person involved in those tea serving scenes even realized what was happening, or how I was getting hurt because they were in such a rush. Likewise, I would lay down another ten dollars to bet that whoever shoveled the sidewalk the other day probably didn't give a single thought to someone in an electric wheelchair getting stuck.

When you stop by the store after work to grab something for supper, because you have a meeting or a recital or a church service or a concert or a school event or a........... *sigh*.....

......how many people do you plow down in the process? How many times do you lose patience because someone in front of you is moving too slow and they are IN YOUR WAY!!...? Do you ever think that whooshing past them could possibly throw them off balance, or further injure a delicate wound?

And how many times in that same store do you see people in wheelchairs, with canes, crutches, arm braces, neck braces, leg braces....... and stop to help them, NOT in the name of feeling sorry for them, but just because they are worth your time?

Or....... ARE they.... worth... your.... time.....?

In our society, we are in a hurry. We try to cram 38 hours of appointments into a 24 hour day, and our stores are jammed with as many items as we can fit and still not break the fire codes. I need to do this. I need to do that. I don't have time. I don't have patience. I just can't be bothered. I have my own life to worry about......

In the meantime, people, the PEOPLE we are supposed to care about, are...... they are..... drowning in our wake. The PEOPLE like the wheelchair lady are getting stuck in the snow because we didn't care enough to shovel it so she could get through. The PEOPLE driving the little carts at Wal-mart can't get through the clothing aisles because the racks are too close together. Oh, my friends, this can't be right. We are kicking them while they're down and we don't even know it!

I'm sorry. I am so sorry. To all the PEOPLE I've mowed over in my own hurry, I'm sorry. To all the PEOPLE who have gotten hurt, felt abandoned, left to fend for themselves, I'm so sorry. I will try harder to see you.... to SEE you..... to imagine what it's like to be in your shoes..... to think about something other than my busy schedule..... I will.

I hope all of us will..............try harder...................................

SWD #41

2009-12-21T10:26:00.003-06:00

http://thesimplewomansdaybook.blogspot.com/

FOR TODAY... December 21, 2009

Outside my window... It's 18 degrees and cloudy. A lovely winter day.

I am thinking... about how hard it is to get attached to people, because I'm afraid of having to say goodbye. I didn't realize I was so guarded until this last week.

I am thankful for... first, that my mom made it here safely. And second, for the opportunity I had to work with an amazing group of people. I am very impressed that, even in all of our humanness, we managed to get more than 200 people working together on a show.

I am wearing... black shirt, black pants, new black shoes that make this stupid farty sound when I walk, because they're too big. Stupid brace on my leg makes shoes impossible. *sigh*

I am remembering... that I forgot to get something for a Christmas present. Dang it.

I am going... to be calm when they tell me how much it's going to cost to fix my truck today. I will be calm. I will be calm. I will be calm.........

I am currently reading... no.

I am hoping... that new friendships will be life friendships. I don't want them to end.

On my mind... trying not to get lost in the Christmas chaos. Must. Remember. Why. We. Celebrate.

Noticing that... I am really, really, really behind on things right now. Wow.

Pondering these words... "...not everybody leaves."

From the kitchen... Nothing. STILL no time. Though, my mom has requested chocolate orange fudge, so I will be getting that done at some point.

Around the house... I still have a pile of presents to wrap.... and it's grown. Soon, it will overtake me, and I shall be wrapped up myself. If you find me tied to a chair with Christmas ribbon, you know what happened.

One of my favorite things... Theatre people. They just rock.

From my picture journal... This is my crazy Quartet - Chloe, Kadi, Audrey and Glory. An amazing group of sweet, talented young ladies, who were an absolute blast to work with in A Christmas Carol. I sincerely hope I get the chance to work with them again. Don't they look mischievous???

SWD #40

2009-12-14T19:46:00.005-06:00

http://thesimplewomansdaybook.blogspot.com/

FOR TODAY... December 14, 2009

Outside my window... It's 9 degrees. The snow is thick. People are complaining. Whatever.

I am thinking... a conversation I just had with a new friend about churches and religion and families and God and all kinds of stuff. So much to think about. So much to learn.

I am thankful for... kids that teach me about unconditional love.

I am wearing... pajamas. And a blanket. And a cat.

I am remembering... that church doesn't have to be in a church building. It's not about the building.

I am going... to savour the next few days of a play I'm in, as I don't want it to end. I don't want the relationships to end.

I am currently reading... what I've typed in this entry.

I am hoping... that I will see a clearer path in front of me soon.

On my mind... a ton. Really. It's heavy.

Noticing that... it's after 8:00 and I haven't eaten supper. No wonder I have a headache.

Pondering these words... "....when you look into peoples' eyes, you make it about them."

From the kitchen... Nothing. No time.

Around the house... I finally got things straightened up, and now I have a pile of Christmas presents to wrap.

One of my favorite things... is talking to people one on one. Not small talk.... real talk.

From my picture journal... I came across this strange bag of body parts in the dollar store one day, so I bought them to have just in case I needed a good joke. After passing them through different people in the office, I decided to use them on my best friend's son..... on Thanksgiving. I shall restrain myself and not leave the tiny little hand sticking out of the baptismal font at the church. hehehehe........

SWD #39

2009-12-01T11:41:00.006-06:00

After a long, LONG sabbatical, I have decided to resume blogging as I have time. I really don't know if anyone cares, but I shall do it anyway..... :o)

http://thesimplewomansdaybook.blogspot.com/

FOR TODAY... December 1, 2009

Outside my window... It's 43 degrees and cloudy. A near perfect day.

I am thinking... about people that I've met over the last few months, and how they have influenced my life in such a short time.

I am thankful for... a good job and wonderful co-workers.

I am wearing... black pants, black and pink striped turtleneck and socks, black shirt, black shoes. Yeah... the black shoes are two sizes too big because the leg brace I have to wear right now is ginormous. I keep tripping on my dumb clown feet shoes.

I am remembering... the thing Kristin said the other night about the line, "Haste, haste to bring Him laud...." She sweetly asked, "Why are they bringing Him lard??" I cannot stop laughing about that. :o)

I am going... to........... slow......... my...... mind.... down... to make sureIdon'tmissChristmasbecauseIhaveahabitofbeingsobusythatIforgetwhat'sreallyimportant... and.... that......... is............... not........................... goooooooooooooooooooood.......................

I am currently reading... Good grief. I have no spare time to read right now. See above.

I am hoping... that the road to healing, after this back surgery of mine, is a smoother one in the coming months

On my mind... too much.... WAY too much.....

Noticing that... church doesn't always have to be in a building with a steeple. It is as simple as a community. Sometimes grace and mercy come from everywhere BUT the building with the steeple.

Pondering these words... "I want you to be in charge of this, but here's a list of how you will do it."

From the kitchen... um.... no.

Around the house... I think I lost my cat in the pile of stuff on the table. I guess that happens when you run in, throw things down and run out. Poor Allige.

One of my favorite things... is when people share their gifts and talents with me. I truly appreciate it.

From my picture journal... My mom turned 60 on November 11th. I have always told her that she can NEVER wear polyester pants, that I will always make sure her socks match, and that her lipstick will only cover her LIPS, not her entire face. So.... she sent me this picture. Polyester outfit. YUCK. Mismatched socks. Oy. Lipstick.... there are just no words. I love you, Mom!

Sixty Things I LOVE About My Mom...

2009-11-11T11:49:00.004-06:00

Today is my mother's SIXTIETH birthday! I can't be with her, so I thought I would post sixty things I love about her. Happy birthday, Momala!

Sixty things I love about my mom.....

1. She's my mom.
2. Her hair - it's very soft.
3. The way she laughs.
4. She is loyal.
5. She has one of the most giving hearts I know.
6. She is extremely smart.
7. She genuinely cares for others.
8. She's not afraid to admit a mistake.
9. She's a survivor.
10. She preserves tradition.
11. I LOVE spending time with her.
12. She forgives me when I screw up.
13. She likes a good joke.
14. We make good memories together.
15. She learns from her mistakes.
16. She's very organized.
17. Her love for football makes me smile.
18. She matches her clothes well (including her socks!)
19. She knows the value of a dollar.
20. Her hands.
21. Her house is very clean.
22. She teaches you to put things back where you got them.
23. She would give you the shirt off her back.
24. She can sing on key!
25. She makes a point to know what you're interested in.
26. She is extremely generous.
27. She doesn't wear polyester pants. :o)
28. She doesn't force me to play Monopoly or Cribbage or Backgammon anymore. Yay. :o)
29. When she does something, she does it wholeheartedly.
30. She likes theatre.
31. She (and my dad) gave me hazel eyes.
32. Despite all the odds, she never gives up.
33. She's a very good driver.
34. She is real. What you see is what you get.
35. I like talking with her.
36. She makes a point to spend time with me, even though she lives four states away.
37. She's always there when I need her.
38. She isn't lacking in common sense.
39. She places a lot of value in her family and friends.
40. She loves God.
41. She knows how to harmonize well.
42. She's not afraid to show emotion.
43. She plays Yahtzee with me.
44. I love shopping with her!
45. She and I have our own special traditions.
46. She has a really cool birthmark. Don't know why, but I've always liked it.
47. I like the face she makes when she's thinking.
48. She misses me.
49. She loves me unconditionally.
50. She treasures things you give her.
51. She tries hard to make everyone happy.
52. She LOVES her grandson.
53. Our relationship just keeps getting better!
54. Being with her makes me truly happy.
55. She strives to be good at whatever she does.
56. She is extremely good at math.
57. If she doesn't know the answer, she finds it.
58. She is BEAUTIFUL inside, and out.
59. She's funny. :o)
60. She makes me want to be a better person.

I love you, Mom.

SWD #38

2009-08-11T12:01:00.004-05:00

http://thesimplewomansdaybook.blogspot.com/

FOR TODAY (August 11, 2009)...

Outside my window... 75 degrees and sunny. I was with a friend out in the country last night and realized how much I TRULY love my Minnesota. It really is a beautiful state, and I love living here.

I am thinking... about so much. I am thinking about what I have to accomplish between now and this time tomorrow. Thinking about my mom, and how I wish so badly that I could be in Ohio with her right now as she deals with the loss of her sweet dog. Thinking about the nagging feeling I have in the back of my brain that I've forgotten something for kids' camp this week. I don't know what it is, but I hope it's not too important. Thinking about how long it's been since I've written anything on here, and how overwhelmed I've been lately with busy-ness. Thinking about the changes that are happening around work, and how it seems like the whole deck of cards has been thrown into the air and we're just waiting to see how they land. I am thinking about how I COULD have had leftovers for lunch today, but stupid me forgot to put them in the refrigerator last night, thus RUINING them. DUH. Oh, that reminds me, I need to make sure I clean that out before I go tomorrow. So yeah.....I could go on and on, but I'll stop here.....

I am thankful for... health. It seems that so many people are unhealthy...dealing with so much. I am thankful for a relatively healthy life and existence.

I am hoping... for a safe trip with the kids to and from camp this week.

From the kitchen... nothing happening in the kitchen right now, except iced tea. I feel the need to take tea with me to camp, as to avoid having to drink nasty juice stuff. Yuck.

I am wearing... black pants, black tank, brown shirt. I know, I know, you're not supposed to wear black and brown. I just can't force myself to care. Plus, I don't really care anyway. I wear what I want. :o)

I am creating... plans to make sure we don't forget anything or anyone tomorrow. 43 people on a coach bus.... hard to keep track of sometimes!

I am hearing... The air conditioner is running, and my phone just dinged at me.

Around the house... House? What house? Do I still have a house? I think I live at drama practice right now.

One of my favourite things... Laughing with friends and family. It is good.

A few plans for the rest of the week:
Sleeping with spiders.
Bathing in a lake (with swimsuits ON, mind you).
Cooking over open campfires.
S'mores.
Lots of fun with the kids.

Here is a picture thought I'm sharing... This is Jessie, my mom's dog. Jessie went to doggie heaven this week and she will be GREATLY missed. She's been my mother's best friend for years and years, and has brought crazy amounts of laughter and joy into our family's lives. It is wicked to see her go, and still so hard to believe..... will probably bring tears to my eyes for a long time. I will miss you, Jessie.........

SWD #37

2009-07-06T10:57:00.002-05:00

http://thesimplewomansdaybook.blogspot.com/

FOR TODAY (July 6, 2009)...

Outside my window... it's hot. And humid. Hot and humid. Yeah.

I am thinking... about my family, and what a difficult time they're dealing with, watching someone die. Been there...... it's so hard....

I am STILL hoping... Grandpa Don doesn't suffer too much during his last hours.....

I am thankful for... some much needed time off coming up.

From the kitchen... trying not to make anything this week. Refrigerator needs to be empty before I leave for NM.

I am wearing... loose clothing, as not to scratch the sunburn.

I am creating... two lists... packing and to-do.

I am hearing... someone is making copies. My stomach is growling. The air conditioner is running.

Around the house... just packing and getting ready for the trip.

One of my favourite things... good, captivating performances.

A few plans for the rest of the week:
Packing and getting things ready to go.

Here is a picture thought I'm sharing... I found Allige snuggled into my bed the other day, and thought he was too cute to pass up. Also, MJ, sleeping with her blankie curled up underneath her chin.... she was very sweet.

SWD #36

2009-06-29T10:43:00.002-05:00

http://thesimplewomansdaybook.blogspot.com/

FOR TODAY (June 29, 2009)...

Outside my window... it's 64 degrees. Cloudy. Cool. Finally.

I am thinking... about how hard it is when you try to do something nice and get burned. Especially when you put in effort behind the scenes. Whatever. Am also thinking about how I'm not in a very good mood today.

I am hoping... Grandpa Don doesn't suffer too much during his last days.....

I am thankful for... health.

From the kitchen... leftover enchiladas.

I am wearing... unexciting clothes.

I am creating... nothing.

I am hearing... the wind is blowing through the trees. I wish I could go lie down in the grass and just listen and feel.

Around the house... the house is clean. I guess I'll sit and enjoy it while it lasts.

One of my favourite things... people who "get it" when you need them to.... without judgment.... without condemnation.... they just get it. Those people are extremely hard to find.

A few plans for the rest of the week:
I guess I need to take this one minute at a time.

Here is a picture thought I'm sharing... I walked into the nursery last week and discovered this doll. She was apparently very sick, and one of the toddlers took very good care of her. I hope that child never loses their ability to nurture.....

Immersed in Churchianity...

2009-06-15T11:32:00.010-05:00

Okay, so....

You're driving down the road, off in your happy place, and suddenly, it's like your eyes are opened and you have nooooo idea how you got to where you are. Your mind races.... "did I run any red lights??.... did I use my turn signal??.... did I cut anyone off??.....HOW did I get here????...... geez, I could have killed someone!!"

This is a scenerio I've heard people talk about many times, and there is always a repeated phrase, "I suddenly realized that I had no idea how I got there."

I am in such a place. Oh, don't worry, I haven't mowed down any pedestrians recently, and to my knowledge all the neighborhood pets are accounted for, but I am suddenly finding myself wondering how in the WORLD I got to where I am today.

I recently wrote a post called, "Identity in the Mask", in which I challenged myself and others to take off the masks and find out who is really underneath them. For a while now, I've been taking a long, embracing look at who I have become.... someone who changes to please people... a chameleon of sorts. As I peel off mask after mask, I continue to discover new religious rules I've subjected myself to, because I want to do what's right. The strange thing is, these rules I'm finding aren't necessarily things I hold deep in my convictions, but rather, rules that I have allowed people to oh-so-authoritatively place into my life.

I've become IMMERSED IN CHURCHIANITY.

When I was young, I went to a Methodist church, but none of the kids my age had any interest in youth group or anything like that, and I was very frustrated, so I left. (It's so strange to look back and think that my desire to have something "more" led me down a path that ultimately landed me here.)

I went to the Church of Christ. Coming from the Methodist church, the Church of Christ people took it upon themselves to show me that I wasn’t “doing it right”, and so I morphed to the new religious rules.

I went to the Presbyterian Church. Again, not “doing it right”, so I morphed into theirs as well.

I went to the Baptist Church and knelt and did the whole “turn my life over to Jesus” thing(again). Shortly after my little “salvation” experience, some of the adults (I was only 16 at this time) thought I would make a good “look-out” for them while they had an affair. I was literally made (I knew it wasn’t right, but I was taught to be obedient to my elders) to sit in the car and make sure no one was coming while the two of them went into a house and, well, dot dot dot..... When they got busted, I ended up stuck in a meeting and was given another set of rules.

After that, I went into witchcraft, which I don’t talk much about, because people tend to freak out and feel the need to perform some sort of exorcism.

When I went to college, I entered even more of the churchianity world. I spent some time working my way out of witchcraft through the “guidance” of my Christian peers. Fine. Okay. Done with witchcraft, however, that guidance led me into a new set of rules. What music I was allowed to listen to, what clothes I had to wear, what books I could read, what words I had to say. And of course, since I was taught to be obedient, and have always been one who wants to do what’s right, I morphed again.

Then on to the Assembly of God church….new rules… strict rules…. WEIRD rules…. okay…. morph.

My next church was a “family-run” church. It was okay at first, but then, as I worked my way “up the ladder of approval,” I got more rules than ever. Despite the fact that I knew I was allowing myself to be controlled, I desperately wanted friends, I desperately wanted a place to belong, and, most importantly, I desperately wanted to do what was right. I stayed at that church for many years. During the last year I was there, some straaaange stuff was being taught (I won't go into it here, so if you really want to know, you'll have to ask me). I could not grasp it, I could not agree with it, and I questioned it.... a lot. That, combined with so many other aspects, well, let's just say that things ended on a not-so-pleasant note.

It broke me. Completely and totally broke me. I lost my ability to sing, which, for those of you who know me, is a pretty big deal. I lost my desire to be in church, but I went anyway because I knew it was right. I really even lost my desire to live, but I didn’t think I should give up on God because of what people had done to me, even though there were many times (and I still have those times) when I wanted to turn and walk away from Christianity, and the entire organized religion realm altogether.

So.... I joined yet another church, broken…. oh my gosh, SOOOO broken…. literally being held up by some friends, because I could not stand on my own feet. I spent about a year trying to get back up again, fighting to get my song back, fighting to find a reason for continuing to exist….still attempting to find out WHAT God wanted… WHO God wanted me to be. I thought I was safe. I thought I was in a place where I could figure things out…. discover whether or not I actually had a purpose at all. I started over….. but then.... I slowly began working my way “up the ladder of approval" AGAIN.

One would think that I possess enough intelligence to learn my lesson, however, this is apparently not the case in this instance, and I have discovered that I am right back where I started. I am finding that I allow myself to be controlled by what people think, rather than what God thinks. I become who people want me to be, because I want to do what’s right. Is it the fault of others? I'm still figuring that out, but I'm fairly certain I bear the weight of the responsibility here. The real issue… the heart of the matter… is finding worth. According to the rules, I have never had any worth... and for as long as I can remember, I have been a worthless piece of garbage.

And so…. here I sit. Morphed into this religious creature that has the ability to speak the language and be the puppet, but I have no worth as a person. I've followed the rules, and I've been obeident to PEOPLE, and the only thing that's done for me is show me that there is NOTHING good about me (and please, spare me the “all have sinned and come short” speech) and worth keeping or people wouldn’t always be trying to change me.

My friend and I have been chatting about some of this stuff, as she is going through much of the same thing, only she is many steps ahead of me. She dares to tell me that we have worth simply because we are created in God's image. That's it. It stops there. She doesn't say, we are created in God's image, but that's not quite enough, because the rules say we have to be something else. No religion. No high and mighty attitude. No ladder of approval. Just acceptance of God's creation.... because HE created it.

I can almost feel the bristling from some who would say that God has requirements of us as followers of Christ, and some things are NON-NEGOTIABLE. Okay, okay, settle down.... that may be true, however, unless we work out our own relationship with God, it really doesn't mean anything at all. It's nothing more than a pile of rules. How can the Holy Spirit be allowed to work with us personally when our religion is in the way?

I have to wonder how many people are buried under the laws and rules of churchianity, because someone said they weren't good enough. How many chameleons are out there doing what people say, being obedient to the rules, and finding themselves asking, "How in the WORLD did I get to where I am??"

I'm just curious, really, and I certainly don't claim to be right, or have all the answers. I do know that my relationship with God MUST belong to Him and me, not to Him, me and my 300 other bosses, or there's really no sense in having it at all. I still respect authority, as I should according to my convictions, and I always welcome insight and wisdom. However, I am learning, and will continue to (attempt to) be strong in that, if God and I are okay, then it really doesn't matter what other people think.

SWD #35

2009-06-15T09:57:00.004-05:00

http://thesimplewomansdaybook.blogspot.com/

FOR TODAY (June 15, 2009)...

Outside my window... it's 73 degrees and rising. Whether I like it or not, summer is here. Solstice is coming though, and that means the days will get shorter soon.

I am thinking... about how many things I have to accomplish this week. I have overbooked myself SERIOUSLY. I hope..... I hope, hope, hope I can handle it all.

I am hoping... see above.

I am thankful for... a good price on an airline ticket, and an upcoming (sort of) vacation.

From the kitchen... that will be determined by what comes from Walmart tonight.

I am wearing... black gouchos, black shirt, hot pink tanktop, awesome sandals.

I am creating... a plan to accomplish much in little time and not lose my mind.

I am hearing... the sounds of VBS in the hallways and the air conditioner running. Oh... and someone talking about how he saw the pastor having breakfast at a restaurant. It's true. Pastors really do eat like normal people. Now you know.

Around the house... Again.... I MUST MUST MUST clean. It is my highest priority for the week.

One of my favourite things... shoes. I have a ridiculously large collection of shoes. And yes, I do wear most of them.

A few plans for the rest of the week:
Clean and clean some more.
Go here.
Go there.
Do this.
Do that.
Accomplish much.
Keep my wits about me.

Here is a picture thought I'm sharing... Again, I have several pics. I decided to try my hand at growing vegetables this year. From top to bottom.... what I started with all the way to what I planted. I, with some help from my friend and her kids, hand tilled the space, and I have the sore back and hands to prove it! I planted German beans, green beans, carrots, onions and eight tomato plants. I am SO excited and I REALLY hope they grow. Off to the side, there are green onions and rhubarb growing from the person who used to use this space many years ago... those were fun things to find as we dug out!

SWD #34

2009-06-01T09:27:00.006-05:00

http://thesimplewomansdaybook.blogspot.com/

FOR TODAY (June 1, 2009)...

Outside my window... 64 degrees and sunny. I am hanging onto the cooler weather as long as I possibly can. Though.... my pool is blue and looks very refreshing. :o)

I am thinking... about how to get myself to New Mexico to see Grandpa Don before it's too late. I'm extremely worried that I might not make it in time. Stupid money.... why can't I just have more of it?

I am hoping... that the above mentioned works out soon. VERY soon. I hate not having the luxury of time on my side.

I am thankful for... Well.... among other not-so-shallow things, I am thankful for my peeps at Starbucks, who called pretty much every Lutheran church in town looking for me (they couldn't remember which one I worked at) to tell me that they had set aside the new "to-go" cup for me. I've been waiting for more than a month for that cup to arrive. Talk about above and beyond!

From the kitchen... yeah. I pretty much have nothing coming from the kitchen.

I am wearing... black pants, fuschia shirt... and other stuff.

I am creating... thoughts about how I want to handle the next few weeks. Might be a little tricky.

I am hearing... a couple of people talking down the hall, and the air conditioner running.

Around the house... I MUST MUST MUST clean. My mom came to visit and my house was a disaster. How humiliating. Ugh.

One of my favourite things... my mom coming to visit. She came and stayed for a week, and we had a great time just doing whatever we wanted. Lots of laughs and lots of good conversation. I really enjoyed it. :o)

A few plans for the rest of the week:
I have NO clue.

Here is a picture thought I'm sharing... I have several pics. My mom and I went to the Walker Art Museum (actually, we only went through the sculptures in the park) when she was here, so I am now in possession of pictures of the spoon and cherry art. I think every Minnesotan needs these for their collection. I got a cute pic of mom peeking through one of the art projects. I love how her face is in one square and her hand is in the next square down.

And THEN.... I was greeted by my dear BFF this morning with a picture of something her cat left for her, and the caption, "Here's looking at you." It's great to have friends who are comfortable sharing cat poop art with me. :o)

SWD #33

2009-05-18T11:09:00.007-05:00

http://thesimplewomansdaybook.blogspot.com/

FOR TODAY (May 18, 2009)...

Outside my window... 64 degrees. Supposed to get hot and humid. Yuck. I can't wait for summer to be over and it hasn't even started yet.

I am thinking... about an old friend of mine who's in ICU at the hospital after a kidney transplant.

I am hoping... that my mother's trip goes well, with no complications. And NO sickness!!

I am thankful for... doctors that listen to you and not just think they know everything.

From the kitchen... nothing is coming from the kitchen right now. Have been too sick to cook, and I have no time this week.

I am wearing... black pants, hunter green shirt, awesome sandals.

I am creating... greeter charts. Joy.

I am hearing... the computers humming, the clock ticking, the wind blowing outside.

Around the house... Mom is coming..... time to clean!!

One of my favourite things... my mother coming to visit. Yay! Three days till arrival!

A few plans for the rest of the week:
Camp fundraiser.
Clean house.
Church kids party.
Mom arrives.
Fun!

Here is a picture thought I'm sharing... I had to share TWO pictures this week. The first one is my very first tasting of creme brulee', which was out of this world good. Wowza. My best friend's son made it last night... yumyumyumyumyum. The second picture is lame, but fun. We were making potato salad over the weekend and there was teeny, tiny pickle in the jar - only as big as a quarter. So cute. I know, I know..... I really DO have a life. Sort of. :o)

SWD #32

2009-05-11T15:55:00.013-05:00

http://thesimplewomansdaybook.blogspot.com/

FOR TODAY (May 11, 2009)...

Outside my window... everything is turning green, and it's 69 degrees. I see that the pools are filled and nearly ready for use.

I am thinking... about how bad my throat hurts. Yikes.

I am thankful for... Ibuprofen.

From the kitchen... I am hungry, but do NOT feel good, so I don't think anything will be coming from the kitchen.

I am wearing... my pajamas. That's what you wear when you don't feel well. Comfort clothes.

I am creating... nothing. Creative lag....

I am hearing... the birds chirping outside, the television, and the cat breathing.

Around the house... I still haven't found my glasses. I have NO idea what happened to them. *sigh*

One of my favourite things... My cat. He's just so amazing.

A few plans for the rest of the week:

That depends on how the strep culture comes out.

Here is a picture thought I'm sharing... I am not a fan of warm weather, but still.... who can resist the beauty of pink trees??

SWD #31

2009-05-04T14:21:00.006-05:00

http://thesimplewomansdaybook.blogspot.com/

FOR TODAY (May 4, 2009)...

Outside my window... it's 72 degrees and sunny... not at all my kind of weather. I'm hot. I want to throw my shoes off and work barefooted.

I am thinking... about my friend who has an audition tonight. She's nervous. I don't think she knows how incredibly gifted she is.

I am thankful for... permission.... no explanation.... just permission.

From the kitchen... I forgot I'm supposed to make a dessert for this workshop I'm having tonight. Woopsy. Guess I'll be busy after work.

I am wearing... flowered palazzo pants, burgundy shirt, shoes.... which I'd rather not be wearing.

I am creating... a list of interview questions for potential new hires.

I am hearing... someone next to me is rustling papers and the air conditioner is running.

Around the house... I must locate my glasses. I think something in the house may have eaten them. I am quick to suspect the recliner, but it could have also been the bed.

One of my favourite things... wearing what I want. I don't like to have to dress up.

A few plans for the rest of the week:
Couponing workshop.
Girls' night.
The rest is in the air.

Here is a picture thought I'm sharing... for my birthday, my best friend's kids pitched in and got me some sparkly Converse. This picture does NOT do them justice - the radiate colour everywhere. I LOVE them.

Identity in the Mask...

2009-04-30T16:22:00.012-05:00

"Masquerade! Paper faces on parade . . .Masquerade!
Hide your face, so the world will never find you!
Masquerade! Every face a different shade . . .Masquerade!
Look around -there's another mask behind you!"

This little excerpt from Phantom of the Opera is part of one of my all time favourite songs. I saw Phantom in New York many years ago, but I have never forgotten the tingling through every inch of my body when the crowd of masked people entered the scene - its powerful ensemble of resonating vibrato absolutely shaking the walls of the opera house as they bellowed out the lyrics. Mask after exquisite mask, parading down the staircase, extravagantly disguised to hide their true identities........

"Masquerade! Seething shadows, breathing lies . . .Masquerade!
You can fool any friend who ever knew you."

So deliciously powerful... and so incredibly ironic... because we, too, wear masks that hide our identities, even from our friends. No, not the feathered, beaded, painted kind. Our masks generally come in the form of titles. She's that business woman. He's that pastor. That dude is a great singer. She's a good mother. Oh, that's the daughter of the cousin of the friend of mine who has that great job with that one company doing that great thing. Huh??

In the name of expectations, we plow through in skin-crawling misery, wearing these masks and living up to what our titles say we are. Then, following our not-so-Academy-Award-winning performances, we ask the questions, "Why do people expect so much of me?" and "Why am I doing this, when it's not who I really am?"

May I ask you a question? When you strip down all of those titles and take off the mask, what's left? Who ARE you? Do you even know?

I have been on this journey for a long time now, and it has finally come to a screeching halt. If I don't take off these masks and just learn to be who I am, rather than what people want me to be, then what's the point? I have spent (or wasted, rather) more than twenty years of my life (wow, that makes me sound old) trying to please people - trying to be what they want me to be, because they see no value in who I really am. Not what I can DO for them, but WHO... I... AM.

I've been afraid for years, particularly (and unfortunately) of the Christian community, because I have been so harshly criticized and insulted (and this does NOT include good, solid reasoning and teaching) when I show the slightest bit of ME. Don't look that way. Don't act that way. Don't use that tone. Don't wear those clothes. This is wrong. That is wrong. Do it this way. Do it that way. GOD DOESN'T APPROVE.

For me....it has to stop. Will the criticism ever stop? I have my doubts. But, I can't help but face the fact that my relationship with God is, in fact, HIS and MINE, and that He and I have to work this out on our terms, not on the terms of other people, and certainly not on man-made standards. It HAS to be God and me.... PERIOD.... or it's not real in the first place. Right now, I have been brought to my knees in humility that Jesus' sacrifice, and my eternity really IS based on who HE is, and not what I've done. As a follower of Christ, you'd think I would know this, but somehow, the revelation has escaped me.

So, okay.... where does this leave me? Probably at a very, very unpopular place in my community of friends. I make people uncomfortable with these words. In fact, I might be labeled even worse than I already am for taking a stand. But... I can only imagine that if I, being one tiny little person on this planet, am experiencing this, there MUST be thousands more who are hurting and desperate to leave the masquerade party... to find who they are.... who they REALLY are... true identity.

And so, I've decided to write about it, and I am inviting you to be part of this journey with me. Give me your insight. Tell me your experiences. TAKE OFF YOUR MASKS with me. It will not be easy, as I am already learning, but I truly believe that God created all of us FIRST and FOREMOST as humans...people... JUST people... with no masks. In fact, completely naked, we came out of the wombs of our mothers. No facade there.

And no more facade here. We'll see where it lands me.

SWD #30

2009-04-27T14:13:00.006-05:00

http://thesimplewomansdaybook.blogspot.com/

FOR TODAY (April 27, 2009)... It's 45 degrees, cloudy, grey..... I'm blissfully happy with weather like this, but it does tend to get snarls from everyone else in the world.

I am thinking... about what I WANT to do for the evening versus what I SHOULD do for the evening.

I am thankful for... a fairly simple, uncomplicated life.....compared to others, I really have nothing to complain about.

From the kitchen... I made manicotti over the weekend, and it was actually pretty good. Then last night I made my first-ever attempt at blanching and freezing fresh green beans. I LOVE vegetables.

I am wearing... black pants, black turtleneck, hot pink and black socks. :o)

I am creating... um... not creating at the moment.

I am hearing... someone down the hall is talking about a collapsed drain pipe underground and how they have to dig nine feet down to get to it. Doesn't sound pleasant.

Around the house... oh boy, do I have a mess to clean up. Must. Stay. Motivated.

One of my favourite things... my big comfy chair, my laptop, my blanket, my phone and my cat.

A few plans for the rest of the week: Um...... ?

Here is a picture thought I'm sharing... Administrative Professionals Day was last week. Here are the flowers and cards I received. Very sweet. :o)

SWD #29

2009-04-20T20:55:00.009-05:00

http://thesimplewomansdaybook.blogspot.com/

FOR TODAY (April 20, 2009)...

Outside my window... It's really cool and rainy. A near perfect day, weather wise.

I am thinking... about the fact that I never really have anything interesting to say. And about my failures and weaknesses. There's this neverending list..... *sigh*

I am thankful for... my cat - he really does love me no matter what I do.

From the kitchen... I am addicted to breakfast taquitoes. It's really, really bad, and they're really, really bad for you.

I am wearing... my jammies. And a blanket. And a cat. In my lap, of course.

I am creating... way too many melancholy thoughts in my head.

I am hoping... to find my focus before I completely give up.

I am hearing... my cat is snoring and the television is blasting a commercial. WHY do they make them louder than the actual movie?? It's really counter productive - it just makes people push the mute button.

Around the house... Uh..... nothing new. So boring right now.

One of my favourite things... people who understand me. Unfortunately, there are very few of those kinds of people.

A few plans for the rest of the week: Um...... ?

Here is a picture thought I'm sharing... my mom gave me this wolf thing for my birthday. It's made of crystal, I think, and it has the wolf lazered right in the center of it. When you set it on the little light pod, voila.... you have a coloured wolf. It's pretty cool.

SWD #28

2009-04-13T11:13:00.004-05:00

http://thesimplewomansdaybook.blogspot.com/

FOR TODAY (April 13, 2009)...

Outside my window... It's 45 degrees, cloudy and wonderful. I don't think I could ask for a more perfect day.

I am thinking... about how much I need to accomplish this week. I really MUST avoid sitting down when I get home this evening. I'm also thinking about what a dufus I am for leaving boiled eggs out overnight. Stupid. Oh, and I'm also thinking about my stepmother's father.... cancer. I HATE cancer.

I am thankful for... a great Easter weekend. It was nice.

From the kitchen... I will know more AFTER a trip to Walmart. Ahhhh...Walmart.

I am wearing... black pants and an army green turtleneck.

I am creating... a mental list....... MUST....NOT.....SIT..... DOWN......MUST.....KEEP.....WORKING.

I am hoping... that my will power to get things done will outweigh my desire to sit and relax.

I am hearing... mostly silence, but somewhere in the distance there is the faint sound of music. I think it's coming from upstairs.

Around the house... I have this crazy urge to throw everything away. A very dangerous urge for me, as I usually follow through......

One of my favourite things... asparagus casserole, made by Tammy. It's absolutely AMAZING.

A few plans for the rest of the week:
Uh.............groceries....girls' night....cleaning....and whatever else comes my way.

Here is a picture thought I'm sharing... I am so proud of myself, as I grew this amaryllis all by my little self. It was a mere bulb when it came into my life, and it blossomed quite nicely into beautiful flowers.

SWD #27

2009-04-06T19:01:00.014-05:00

http://thesimplewomansdaybook.blogspot.com/

FOR TODAY (April 6, 2009)...

Outside my window... It's dark....finally. I was really hoping for snow, but it only gave a little. *sigh*

I am thinking... about some kids from church. I am at a loss. At what point do you stop trying?

I am thankful for... a place to live and a job. SO many people are out those two things.

From the kitchen... I think I might make ham salad. I experimented with it last week and it was really good.

I am wearing... pajamas. So comfortable.

I am creating... a plan.... I just can't talk about it.

I am hoping... that things start to go right within the teenagers.

I am hearing... the clock is ticking and the television is on.

Around the house... my cat is grateful.... his litterbox will finally be to his satisfaction again.

One of my favourite things... relaxing. Something that doesn't happen too often.

A few plans for the rest of the week:

I really don't know. A couple of meetings, a funeral and bulletins galore.

Here is a picture thought I'm sharing... some highlights from my birthday....

Tattoo or Not Tattoo.....?

2009-04-03T14:27:00.006-05:00

Christians are notorious for setting up a standard of judgment regarding tattoos. In fact, I personally have been badgered for years because I have three tattoos, and will most likely get at least one more somewhere down the road.

I can't tell you how many times I've heard the common Christian say something like, "Well, you know.... the Bible says we're not supposed to get tattoos." But... when I ask them where they've read that, most of them can't tell me. And not only can they NOT tell me where they read it, but when they DO read it ("it" being the verse typed out below), they can't tell me what it means.

Yeah.... so.... in case you ever been subjected to this sort of thing, the verse below is what people generally like to quote. I have typed it out, and listed the literal meaning (from the Lexicon - http://scripturetext.com/) behind the words. If you study deeper, you will find that tattooing as we know it today is completely different than the tattooing (marking) referred to when this was written. Context and original meaning are EVERYTHING.

THE VERSE:
Ye shall not make any cuttings in your flesh for the dead, nor print any marks upon you. I am the Lord. Leviticus 19:28

THE MEANING:
Ye shall not make
nathan (naw-than'
to give, used with greatest latitude of application (put, make, etc.)

any
kthobeth (keth-o'-beth)
a letter or other mark branded on the skin -- any (mark).

cuttings
seret (seh'-ret)
an incision -- cutting.

in your flesh
basar (baw-sawr')
flesh (from its freshness); by extension, body, person; also (by euphem.) the pudenda of a man -- body, (fat, lean) flesh(-ed), kin, (man-)kind, + nakedness, self, skin.

for the dead
nephesh (neh'-fesh)
a breathing creature, i.e. animal of (abstractly) vitality; used very widely in a literal, accommodated or figurative sense (bodily or mental)

nor print
nathan (naw-than')
to give, used with greatest latitude of application (put, make, etc.)

any marks
qa`aqa` (kah-ak-ah')
an incision or gash -- + mark.

upon you I am the LORD
Yhovah (yeh-ho-vaw')(the) self-Existent or Eternal; Jehovah, Jewish national name of God -- Jehovah, the Lord.

I may be stupid, but I see that this verse is pretty straight forward. If you study the context and original words, you will find that it refers to old testament customs of grieving for the dead and idolatry. That's pretty much it. It really gives no liberty for us to use it elsewhere.

And sooooo.......a small reminder, if I may (and I may, since this is, after all MY blog).... man's judgment, interpretation or offense is not a reason to set a standard for people to live by. We must get over ourselves, live our lives according to our convictions, and leave others to do the same. God is still God, and I am certain that if He can handle watching His Son die, He can handle walking us gently through life so that we can become more like Him.

SWD #26

2009-03-30T08:44:00.005-05:00

http://thesimplewomansdaybook.blogspot.com/

FOR TODAY (March 30, 2009)...

Outside my window... It's 36 degrees.... the sun is shining, and I am probably the only person in Minnesota who wishes it was still winter and snowing.

I am thinking... about trust. It is very important to me. I don't like it when someone doesn't trust me.

I am thankful for... the people who truly invest time in me.

From the kitchen... I wasn't home over the weekend, so I really have no idea what might or might not come from the kitchen.

I am wearing... purple shirt, black pants, messy hair.....*sigh*......

I am creating... Easter bulletins. There are so many.

I am hoping... to spend at least a LITTLE bit of time at home this week.

I am hearing... a very noisy bird outside, and my phone is chirping at me.

Around the house... I wouldn't know.... I haven't been there for the last few days.

One of my favourite things... uh................. raindrops and roses and whiskers on kittens?

A few plans for the rest of the week:
My birthday is this week, so I think I might be spending some time doing stuff with a couple of friends. I dunno, really.

Here is a picture thought I'm sharing... I watched my friend's kids over the weekend, and this is their dog, Sully. He is a yellow lab, and the sweetest, funniest thing!! It's so cute to see such a large dog curled up in a little ball.

SWD #25

2009-03-23T16:03:00.007-05:00

http://thesimplewomansdaybook.blogspot.com/

FOR TODAY (March 23, 2009)...

Outside my window... it's been raining, but the dumb old sun came out.

I am thinking... about my poor little guitar.... he is cracked. Poor him.

I am thankful for... people who trust me.

From the kitchen... This morning I discovered that I accidentally left some eggshells in the drain on Saturday. Oy vei..... stiiiiiinky.

I am wearing... purple shirt, black pants, black and purple striped socks. Very matchy poo.

I am creating... a newsletter. And it's the hardest newsletter I've done in a long time. Writer's block or something... ?

I am hoping... to sleep the whole night through and NOT allow my mind to run away with thoughts that wake me up.

I am hearing... the wind is blowing outside and my cell phone is ringing to the tune of, "Get up offa that thing, and dance till you feel better!"

Around the house... Did I mention the eggshell smell??

One of my favourite things... my little nephew, Josiah. He's so amazing. I love him tons and tons.

A few plans for the rest of the week:
Attending Kristin's play, Seth's birthday, watching a friend's kidlets over the weekend.

Here is a picture thought I'm sharing... this is my best friend from high school and me. Loooooong time ago. :o)

SWD #24

2009-03-16T14:42:00.008-05:00

http://thesimplewomansdaybook.blogspot.com/

FOR TODAY (March 16, 2009)...

Outside my window... it's WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY too hot for March..... 63 right now. Stupid weather.

I am thinking... about my friend's journey to walk her grandfather to the gates of heaven, and what a privilege that was for her. Very, very hard, but beautiful nonetheless.

I am thankful for... people who are willing to help.

From the kitchen... I actually have a lot of options right now. Thank you, Walmart.

I am wearing... black shirt, black pants.

I am creating... a list of things I need to do before I go home and crash for the night.

I am hoping... to go to bed early. I am still recovering from a lock-in with the kids.

I am hearing... some guy is measuring carpet in the lobby, so I hear his tape measure. The back door is cracked open, so I also hear the leaves rustling.

Around the house... I have a TON of laundry to put away, and general cleaning to catch up on tonight.

One of my favourite things... my mom. I love her.

A few plans for the rest of the week:
Let me sleep tonight, then I'll have a better idea.

Here is a picture thought I'm sharing... this was my treat this morning. After an all night lock-in on Friday, my body decided to tell me today that it's not happy with me for depriving it of sleep. Thank you, Starbucks, for getting me through the morning!

SWD #23

2009-03-09T10:37:00.013-05:00

http://thesimplewomansdaybook.blogspot.com/

FOR TODAY (March 9, 2009)...

Outside my window... It's 32 degrees and foggy. I wish I could hold onto winter until at least June.

I am thinking... about how last year, at this time, I was doing the same thing I'm doing this year....preparing for a lock-in with the kids. We have doubled our numbers from last year and it looks like it's going to be a fun night.

I am thankful for... the people in the armed forces who are fighting to protect America and other countries. We have no idea what sacrifices they have to make daily.

From the kitchen... oh, who knows. Whatever I find, I'll cook, I suppose. Doesn't seem important today.

I am wearing... black sweater, tan pants, shoes. So boring.

I am creating... a list of rules and an emergency evacuation plan..... just in case we need it.

I am hoping... to sleep long tonight.

I am hearing... someone rattle trash bags. Lots of rattling, rattling, rattling. Oh.... and my stomach just growled.

Around the house... I did not get a new oven, but the old one works better than it did, so I'm happy.

One of my favourite things... um..... yeah... I don't know today.

A few plans for the rest of the week:
All things Lock-in related.

Here is a picture thought I'm sharing... actually, a FEW photographs.... Fifteen minutes into last year's lock-in, my best friend fell and broke her arm.... BADLY. She ended up having plates and screws put in to put her back together again. Below are three x-rays. The first one is the shot of the breaks in her wrist. You can see that the one bone us shoved out of place, and the radial tip on the other is broken off. The other two are the post-surgery shots with the new gear that keeps her together. The memories..... oy........

SINGLED out.

2009-03-02T19:27:00.007-06:00

Be warned.... this blog post is not for the easily offended. It's raw and unplugged.....complete and total naked honesty. Try to love me anyway.

SOME TOP THINGS SINGLE PEOPLE HATE TO HEAR:

1. "We're having FAMILY time first, but you can come over later." (Why don't people realize that we aren't out to STEAL your family?..... Would it be so hard to just let us be a part of it?)

2. When you go out with your married friends and they're seated before you.... "oh here... just pull up a chair on the end." (Yeah, because I REALLY love sticking out on the end. If you only KNEW how many times we get stuck on the end, because everyone has coupled up.)

3. "We have to protect the FAMILY UNIT." (From what?? Us single people who have nothing better to do than destroy you???)

4. "When are you going to get married?" (If I KNEW that, don't you think I would be planning?)

5. "We're having a card party, but it's for couples only." (I guess it takes a ring on your finger to know how to play.... I didn't know that.)

6. "You just haven't found that SPECIAL someone yet, have you?" (Why, yes, I have actually.... I just keep him locked up during the day.... DUH.)

7. "I'm sure there are some SINGLES groups out there you can join and make some friends." (Why? Because singles can't make friends with married people??)

8. "How come you haven't gotten married yet?" (Oh, I don't know....I'd rather just let life pass me by, I guess.)

9. "Well, being single just means you have more time to devote to the church." (or be USED up by the church).

10. "You just have to get close to God and be satisfied.... let HIM be your husband." (LAME.)

11. "You should be GLAD you're single..." (mmmkay..... say that again when you spend your days and nights alone... when the phone NEVER rings.... when no one EVER knocks on your door.)

12. This isn't something we hear, but rather something we'd like to say.... "Get a room!!" Seriously... do you really think we want to see couples who ABSOLUTELY can't be separated.... who can't keep their hands off of each other..... can't stop slobbering on each other?? Please... can't we just be people in public and leave the other stuff in the bedroom where it belongs?

How about these from the church....
12. "Family Night Worship.....geared towards families." (Great. Guess that means I shouldn't go. Why can't we be church.... geared towards people worshipping God together?)

13. "We want all the families to come up together. Singles, just find a group you can join." (YES, it really happens. A lot. And it's extremely humiliating.)

14. "Please get together and sit with your families." (Same as above, find a group you can join.)

15. "You just have to BELIEVE God to find you a spouse. Make a list of the qualifications you want met and pray every day, believe every day......blah blah blah. (Seriously, how weird can you get?? If formulas like that really worked, don't you think more people would be happily married?)

So, okay... if you're single, then you've probably heard these phrases enough times to predict precisely when they will fall clumsily out of someone's mouth. I know countless numbers of single people who are being hurt.... BADLY.... SO BADLY.... by comments like you just read. I don't think people do it intentionally, but I REALLY wish I could go around the world and teach some stinking sensitivity.

You wouldn't constantly talk about your brand new baby in front of someone who just lost one, would you? Or how about talking about how much you love your job in front of someone who has just lost theirs? Think about it!! Don't get me wrong here, if you're happily married, I'm happy for you, but seriously, can't we just be HUMANS together? Do we really HAVE to be so divided?

Despite a well put on facade of "I'm fine", most single people are lonely, miserable.... hoping beyond hope that someone will think of them as a PERSON, not something from the alien species known as Singleous Loserous.

Here's a thought to ponder.... God didn't wake up one day and say to Himself, "Gee, I think I'll create a Married person," or "Hey, I think I'll make a Single today". My Bible says He created man in His own image. Yes, He created woman to become one with man, but He FIRST AND FOREMOST created us to be huuuuuman..... H*U*M*A*N.

And hey, did you know that, even though we're not married, we still know stuff? We're capable of contributing to a discussion, even if....GASP.... there are married people around? I know, I know... you're detecting my sarcasm, aren't you? And gosh, I was really trying to hide it.

So, I admit it.... I am struggling. SERIOUSLY struggling. The scary thing is, so are 90% of single people.... they just choose to be silent and write in their journals, rather than embarrass themselves by opening up (I apparently don't possess such wisdom). They don't WANT to be singled out anymore. They don't WANT to be labeled as pathetic... "Oh, you poor, poor dear...... all alone with nobody to love."

I am soooooooo very, very tired of being labeled as less of a person just because I don't have a husband or kids. I want to be treated like a HUMAN... like I have even a tiny bit of value, even though I'm not married.... like I'm worth something and have a purpose other than to find a mate.

Please don't consider this an attack on marriage.... PLEASE don't. And please don't lecture me for writing an angry post, or on the importance of being content where I am. Just think about the words you've read. Think about single people as just that.... PEOPLE. Someone close to you could be hurting deeply, and you may not even know it.

SWD #22

2009-03-02T18:55:00.006-06:00

http://thesimplewoman.blogspot.com/

FOR TODAY (March 2, 2009)...

Outside my window... It's dark.

I am thinking... about getting rid of relationships that stress me out.

I am thankful for... people who ACT, don't just do lip service.

From the kitchen... I tried to make spaghetti and the oven completely died right in the middle of cooking. I then tried to cook noodles in the microwave, causing a flood all over the counter. Burned myself. Disaster.

I am wearing... pajamas.

I am creating... a speech.

I am reading... on how the church has failed single people.

I am hoping... that someone will get a clue.

I am hearing... the television droning on, and the cat snoring.

Around the house... I guess I'll be getting a new oven.

One of my favourite things... people who know someone needs help.... and actually HELP.

A few plans for the rest of the week:
.............

Here is a picture thought I'm sharing... I don't have a picture thought today. Nothing interesting to photograph, I suppose.

Pay It Forward!

2009-02-23T14:07:00.002-06:00

Hey Bloggers!!

I got this from fellow daybooker, Meg's site (http://megslifeisgood.blogspot.com/). We don't know each other, but I thought it was a great idea!

1. Be one of the first THREE bloggers to leave a comment on this post, which then entitles you to a handmade item from me - something crafty or yummy, who knows?!

2. Winners must post this challenge on their own blog, meaning that you will Pay It Forward, creating a handmade gift -anything!- for the first THREE bloggers who leave a comment on YOUR post about this giveaway!

3. The gift that you send to your 3 Friends can be from any price range and you have 365 days to make/ship your item. This means you should be willing to maintain your blog at least until you receive your gift and have shipped your gifts. And, remember: It’s the Spirit and the Thought That Count!

4. When you receive your gift, please feel free to blog about it, sharing appropriate Linky Love! If you are not one of the Top Three Commenters on this post, you can still play along. Go ahead and start your own Pay It Forward chain, and encourage your blogging friends to do the same!SO, REMEMBER... Pay it forward!

SWD #21

2009-02-23T10:00:00.005-06:00

http://thesimplewoman.blogspot.com/

FOR TODAY (February 23, 2009)...

Outside my window... It's 1 degree. I guess my magic button worked, because we got 6 inches of snow and the temperature dropped again. I'm probably the only person who's happy about that.

I am thinking... about the day, and what it holds.

I am thankful for... a job. So many people don't have one right now.

From the kitchen... I actually bought groceries last night. Now I'll be able to have lunch this week. Joy. Rapture.

I am wearing... oh... just clothes.... nothing exciting.

I am creating... plans for a lock-in. Should be fun this year.

I am reading... nope. I still have a newspaper from February 14th that I haven't read.

I am hearing... someone rumbling around upstairs, and the computer humming.

Around the house... the cat will be hungry when I get home. I just realized that I forgot to replenish his food. He still had a little bit left, but he eats a lot.

One of my favourite things... winter.... and I intend to hold on to it and enjoy it as long as I possibly can.

A few plans for the rest of the week:
Yeah.... I don't know.

Here is a picture thought I'm sharing... one of my hobbies is photography. This is one of the latest pictures of Kristin that I took. She's so easy to photograph, because she's so beautiful.

I Am a Storm

2009-02-16T15:50:00.002-06:00

The midnight silence cautions
It is coming.
A wisp of leaves hurries past while
in a twinkling blue turns grey
Whispering. Wafting. Gusting.
Raging.

Dripping. Spattering. Pounding.
Thundering.

Swirling. Ripping. Seizing.
Destroying.
Uninhibited torrent pouring out
emotion.

Subsiding into luminous rays
Ephemeral.
Yet, altered by destruction
Even in the aftermath of peace.

SWD #20

2009-02-16T13:50:00.003-06:00

http://thesimplewoman.blogspot.com/

FOR TODAY (February 16, 2009)...

Outside my window... 32 degrees and sunny. WAY too warm for February. I wish I had a magic button I could push to make it stay winter longer.

I am thinking... about how sometimes things happen that change us.... and sometimes we just don't have any control over it. It sounds stupid, but the fact that I'm human really frustrates me. I sometimes wish that I could stop myself from being a person with emotions.... then maybe things wouldn't hurt.

I am thankful for... a God who is patient.

From the kitchen... nothing. Absolutely nothing.

I am wearing... the same old clothes I always wear.

I am creating... multiple blog posts in my head. We'll see if they ever come out.

I am reading... not reading.

I am hearing... silence..... oh, I guess the clock is ticking.

Around the house... got things straightened up on Saturday thanks to the help of a friend. Stupid cold last week kept me down.

One of my favourite things... writing....connecting with people....

A few plans for the rest of the week:
I just really have no clue right now.

Here is a picture thought I'm sharing... this is what I feel like today. I guess I should feel guilty about it........ but I'm not into being fake. What you see is what you get.

SWD #19

2009-02-10T12:50:00.006-06:00

http://thesimplewoman.blogspot.com/

FOR TODAY (February 10, 2009)...

Outside my window... I'm seeing clouds and it looks like it's cool out, but it's actually 44 degrees. That does not make me happy. It's WAY too early to be this warm.

I am thinking... about how long it's been since I stayed home sick.

I am thankful for... the fact that I only have a cold, rather than an incurable disease.

From the kitchen... nothing tastes right. I am thirsty, but too sleepy to go to the refrigerator.

I am wearing... jammies, a robe and a cuddly blanket.

I am creating... a mess. It's amazing how messy a house gets when you're sick.

I am reading... manuals for new computer and programs.

I am hearing... the wind is really blowing outside, and the television is on.

Around the house... things might start cleaning themselves up if I don't get better soon.

One of my favourite things... taking a day to be lazy once in a while.

A few plans for the rest of the week:
Sniff.
Sneeze.
Sleep.
Sneeze some more.

Here is a picture thought I'm sharing... I love funky socks. It's not like anyone really NEEDS to see my sock drawer, nevertheless, here it is. I couldn't fit all my socks in it, so there are about 35 pairs missing. Socks rock.

SWD #18

2009-02-02T14:54:00.007-06:00

http://thesimplewoman.blogspot.com/

FOR TODAY (February 2, 2009)...

Outside my window... The snow melted a little over the last few days. It's not time yet!! I want more winter!! Punxsutawney Phil said six more weeks... it better be six more weeks!!

I am thinking... about how much I dislike summer, and want to put it off as long as possible.

I am thankful for... the ability to help others.

From the kitchen... I'm still into the mini shredded wheat bites. They are sooooo good.

I am wearing... black shirt, navy pants, funky socks. Boring.

I am creating... worship service and a hospital visitation card. So exciting.

I am going... to help my friend go through and clean out some stuff tonight.

I am reading... on heart disease. I don't want it and I refuse to get it. Ever. Or cancer. Or diabetes. Or Crohn's disease. Don't want any of them.

I am hearing... someone just dropped something in the back room and someone else is talking on the phone to tech support. Sounds frustrating.

Around the house... apparently I'm getting a new furnace. It's amazing what happens when the carbon monoxide monitor goes off. People really move quickly.

One of my favourite things... people who are quick-witted with a little sarcasm. They make me laugh.

A few plans for the rest of the week:Oh, who knows. I need to get through tonight first and see what comes next. Hopefully, the new furnace with be in tomorrow.

Here is a picture thought I'm sharing... I guess when you have nothing intelligent to say or show, it seems appropriate to insert a pointless picture of chips, salsa and homemade guacamole. Ooh. Aah.

A Painful Reality Check...

2009-01-26T13:42:00.002-06:00

I work for a church, so dealing with death is part of what we do, but it is never easy, and it leaves a mark on your heart every time. In the last week and a half, we had six funerals. Six is a lot in one week, but the two we had at the end of last week were the ones that impacted me the most. I attended both of them, back to back on Friday morning.

One lady, Nancy, died from what's called Broken Heart Syndrome, as a direct result of finding her own father dead. A father that she had dedicated her entire life to caring for, even giving up marriage and a family of her own. She found him on the floor in the middle of the night, and less than 5 days later, she was gone as well. She was 61. Shocking, and extremely painful to think about, as she was an AMAZING lady.

The other funeral was for our custodian's brother, Frank, whom I've actually written about in a previous post. He died from cancer. He leaves behind a beautiful wife, Tammy, a son, Jeremiah, and siblings that loved him very, very much. It seems like the entire community pulled together and fought for Frank's life, but sadly, he lost his battle on Sunday, January 18th.

Both of them so tragic, and extremely difficult to accept.

Okay... sooo... I've written before about not living with regret, but lately I've been faced with an embracing reality check, and these two deaths have served to make this check larger than life. My friends, at some point we have to realize how much we take for granted. We say goodbye to our friends and family members, co-workers and mail carriers, acquaintences and even our enemies on a daily basis. Sometimes we leave happy with each other, and sometimes we leave just downright angry, having said harsh words that sting the core.

My reality check...... what if one of these times you leave angry, and it's the last time you see that person alive? How will you feel about the way you acted... the way you treated someone... the words that flew out of your mouth? In the morning, when you're frustrated with your kids, your parents, your siblings, your husband, or even the dog, how often do you throw out an obligated wave goodbye, assuming that you will just see them later?

I can sometimes take things to extremes as I roll them over in my mind, so I want you to know that it's not my intention to create fear in this post. However, I do think all of us could slow down just a little and really think about our words, actions and flippant assumptions that life will just be the same tomorrow as it was today. We must not take "the usual" for granted, as we are not promised the next minute, let alone tomorrow. Anything can happen... at any time... to anyone in our lives.

I really don't know that there's much more I can say about this subject. Perhaps we should just let the conviction we're feeling about our own words and actions move us toward change, so that we treat others like it's the last time we may see them.

It sort of gives a whole new perspective on the verse, "'In your anger do not sin': Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry." (Ephesians 4:26)

SWD #17

2009-01-26T13:03:00.004-06:00

http://thesimplewoman.blogspot.com/

FOR TODAY (January 26, 2009)...

Outside my window... Nothing special, really. It's 7 degrees, an average Minnesota day.

I am thinking... about getting my taxes done. I'm not one to procrastinate on them. Mostly because I need the money. :o)

I am thankful for... all the SuperChurch kids and youth helpers. They are so amazing, and I'm so privileged to be able to work with them.

From the kitchen... I've been into this new cereal lately. I think Kellogg's makes it - frosted chocolate shredded wheat bites. They're so small... just the right size for a bite. YUMMO.

I am wearing... Navy turtleneck, tan pants, argyle socks, straightened my hair. It's getting long.

I am creating... a schedule. Need one. Badly.

I am going... to water a crazy load of plants tonight. So many plants, so little time.

I am reading... up on how to get rid of a gnat infestation. Stupid gnats. My current method is only serving to gross me out. I've been spraying them with Windex, and now there are little gnat carcasses stuck all over the office windows. Ew.

I am hearing... the hum of the printer.

Around the house... I am really enjoying having a treadmill. It's so great to be able to just get on and walk/run. Good investment.

One of my favourite things... sleep. Oh, how I love it. Sleep is my favourite.

A few plans for the rest of the week:
Walmart.
Plants.
Yeah. I dunno what else.

Here is picture thought I am sharing... I don't have ANY idea why I took this picture. It's my eye. It's green. Yep.

SWD #16

2009-01-19T10:46:00.007-06:00

http://thesimplewoman.blogspot.com/

FOR TODAY (January 19, 2009)...

Outside my window... It's warmed up to 10 degrees. The sun is shining, but somehow it seems like a very dark day.

I am thinking... about how many people died this weekend. It's part of my job to "deal" with death, but it never gets easier.

I am thankful for... the fact that right now, this minute, I still have my family and friends. Life is never guaranteed.

From the kitchen... leftover broccoli noodle goo. It's the best I could do on a moment's notice.

I am wearing... black pants, black turtleneck, red sweater, boots. Funeral clothes (Yes, Mother, I know you're not supposed to wear red to a funeral...:o)....).

I am creating... a list of thank you notes to write. I haven't gotten them done yet. Shame.

I am going... get together with my dear friend. We haven't had time together in months.

I am reading... the obituaries.

I am hearing... the church ladies making lunch for the funeral this afternoon.

Around the house... nothing to report. It's just there for now.

One of my favorite things... the mornings when I don't have to get out of my warm cozy bed until I'm good and ready. Those days are few and far between.

A few plans for the rest of the week:
Two funerals today.
One funeral Thursday.
Two funerals Friday.
Happy week.

Here is picture thought I am sharing... Last week it was minus 24 degrees, with a minus 51 degree windchill, and the sun dogs (the rainbow around the sun) were the biggest and most beautiful I've ever seen. I can't believe I actually captured a decent shot with my phone camera. Who says there isn't beauty in cold weather?

Can I Just Be Transparent, Please?

2009-01-16T13:37:00.005-06:00

I used to attend a church that struggled with control. I was told by my superiors, that as a member of church leadership, I HAD to have a smile on my face when I was in the building. My appearance HAD to be neat, and my face HAD to reflect happiness, even if I was struggling internally.

Throughout the years, I was continually "called into the office" to discuss what kind of progress I was making with the look on my face, and I sat through countless lectures about the importance of showing the "joy of Jesus" so that people would see it, and be attracted to Him.

Hmmm..... okay, so can I just tell you, that I am NOT into being fake? I have always wrestled with and resented the concept of being forced to proclaim something outwardly, that isn't coming from my core. I am EXTREMELY imperfect and human, and if God wants me to be transparent with Him and the rest of the world, unfortunately, that means there will be times when I struggle. And when I say struggle, I don't mean just the little bumps in the road like being late to church, getting cut off by a rude driver, breaking a dish, accidentally washing a white shirt with a red shirt. I mean the real, deep, life-altering kind of struggle. Losing a loved one, financial crisis, homelessness, lonliness, depression.... the list goes on and on.

Though I would never claim to have analyzed the Bible word for itty bitty word, I have never read anywhere that Jesus jumped out of bed with a smile on his face on the morning of His death. I don't see words that reflect fake public joy in His journey to the cross. On the contrary, according to the Bible I read, Jesus was so deeply effected by the impending events and the burden He bore, that it caused a physical reaction of sweat mixed with blood.

“And being in anguish, he prayed more earnestly, and his sweat was like drops of blood falling to the ground.”—Luke 22:44 (NKJV)

Soooo... why do we feel like we have to be so fake? Do we really think we're attracting people with our paste-on smiles and our insta-joy? Yes, there IS joy in the journey, but golly gee whiz, I mean for goodness sake and jeepers, for crying out loud (hehehe).....we're human too! Why can't we just be real with each other? Have we really become that protective of our pride, that we can't let others see how we're hurting?

I just don't know about us sometimes.

Just think.... if we showed more vulerability and became more transparent with each other, we might actually be able to.... **GASP**.... help and support each other. Perhaps we could show the "rest of the world" that God doesn't require perfection, and that, despite our bad days and struggles, He loves us more deeply than we know. Maybe, just maaaaaybe, Jesus could be reflected in our lives in a way that we never thought possible. Dare we take such a risk? Oh, swoon if you must, dear fellow mask wearers..... swoooooon.

All right... so I've always said, if you're going to promote something that's been "proven" to whiten your teeth, then go ahead.... SHOW ME YOUR TEETH. Show me that you've used it, and show me that it works. So.... below is a list of five things I struggle with. Read them, and then post five things of your own. Maybe we can help each other.....

1. I struggle with feeling like a resource instead of a person. The phone only rings when people want something from me.

2. I struggle with why people do or don't get healed from sicknesses, and I'm not afraid to ask questions about it.

3. I struggle with mediocrity.... simply existing, and never really making a difference.

4. I struggle with fear about what the future holds.

5. I struggle a lot with rejection.

Wow.... that's really not easy, is it? Still, I've opened the door. Now it's your turn, and remember.... be transparent!

Who Decides??

2009-01-12T13:40:00.003-06:00

Doctors are great. They work hard, they study hard, all in the name of making the world a better place. I don't particularly enjoy going to the doctor, and rarely find the need to do so, but I am extremely grateful for the time they take to make sure I stay healthy.

With physical health, there is a science to just about everything you can imagine when it comes to the human body. If you tweak this, it makes something else goes nutty, or if you tweak that, it makes something get better.

However, I'm not so sure I believe that emotional health is a science, and thus the reason for this post. I would like to know something....

WHO decides when you're emotionally healthy, and what gives them the right? Does a degree make you qualified to tell someone that they should be done with a certain part of a grieving process? Does eight plus years of schooling mean that you can decide when someone should move on.....stop feeling bad..... stop having a pity party...... quit crying.... stop this.... stop that.... start something..... do something......??

In my line of work, I hear multiple times every week about how people are hurting, desperate for help and answers. So many of them are lonely, scared, exhausted, depressed, grieving, and more miserable than they can sanely bear. And what answers do we have to give them? Pull yourself up by your boot straps? Get over it? Quit your whining?

Our society has set up this standard of living that people must rise to and live by. We've studied our way into codes and formulas that require us to graduate from level to level in order to be declared emotionally healthy. We get tired and irritated when someone is crying too much, or, as we like to call it, wallowing in self-pity.

I am certain that my opinion of this will cause some controversy, nevertheless, it contains three very bold words........ How DARE we.

How dare we have the audacity to say when someone should and shouldn't be done dealing with stuff. How dare we tell people to stop crying.... get over it.... move on. How dare we act in judgment, rather than with love, compassion and patience. There is not ONE medicine that works for every person to become physically healthy, so why do we presume to know how to emotionally "fix" everyone with formulas and standards?

Speaking to myself and my fellow followers of Jesus' teachings, WE are the ones who should have our standards based on just that, Jesus' teachings, NOT human docrine. We so often quote I Corinthians 13. You know the verses, right? The ones we quote at weddings and funerals. The ones that we affectionately refer to as the "love scriptures".....

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres."

....but do we really LIVE them? Or... gosh... do we only live them until we get tired of dealing with people? I, like Paul, am the chief sinner when it comes to walking in the true sense of the word, love, and I'm pretty sure I fail more than I succeed. However, far be it from me to judge when someone should be "done" dealing with things.... "done" hurting.... "done" crying about it. I have no right, and neither does the rest of the world.

People are not projects that we can check off of our lists.

We speak to people of a loving, patient God, who made us in his image, but YIKES!! I don't know about anyone else, but this concept makes up a very scary equation. If God is love, and we're quoting the "love scriptures" to people while we're being impatient and judgmental, then why in the world would people want anything to do with Him?

Okay, okay, okay, I'll wrap it up. But please, at least think about it. Next time you start to get impatient with someone who's been dealing with stuff for a long period of time, remember that it's not our job as humans to declare people emotionally healthy. It's our job to love.... to REALLY love.... to wait.... to help, not abandon.... to be patient, kind and as gentle as we can possibly be.... and it's God's job, through Jesus, to declare when it is finished.

"So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed." John 8:36

SWD #15

2009-01-12T11:12:00.005-06:00

http://thesimplewoman.blogspot.com/

FOR TODAY (January 12, 2009)...

Outside my window... It's snowing pretty hard. We're supposed to be in for a large dump of snow and sub-zero temps. I don't mind, though. I am one of the few people I know who REALLY enjoy winter.

I am thinking... about how much I miss my mother.

I am thankful for... one more day with the people I care about. Life is not guaranteed, and you just never know when you're going to lose someone.

From the kitchen... I'm thinking something warm and cozy is in order for dinner.

I am wearing... black pants, pink turtleneck, black shirt, awesome earrings, funky pink and purple socks.

I am going... to be very busy over the next three weeks.

I am reading... the bills. Not much fun.

I am hoping... to stop the clock. If only I hadn't left my super powers at home.

I am hearing... people making funeral arrangements for their 101-year old mother who just passed away.

Around the house... I still haven't put all the Christmas stuff away. I may just leave it sitting on the floor for the next 10 months.

One of my favorite things... my cat. He's simply amazing.

A few plans for the rest of the week:
Check in with some people on house sitting duties.
Church.
Work.
Yeah.

Here is picture thought I am sharing... My friend and I were able to make candy before Christmas. Here's a pic of the chocolate covered cherries and peanut butter cups. I think we made a little over 400 pieces this year. Yum!

SWD #14

2009-01-05T15:47:00.006-06:00

http://thesimplewoman.blogspot.com/

FOR TODAY (January 5, 2009)...

Outside my window... It's amazing how 27 degrees can feel HOT.

I am thinking... about what a superdork I am for posting an SWD on Friday, thinking it was Monday.

I am thankful for... the truth, and that when you know the truth inside your heart, no one can take it away from you no matter how hard they try.

From the kitchen... I made a pie. It was lovely. I ate the pie. The whole pie.

I am wearing... blue turtleneck, black shirt, black pants, funky socks, black shoes.

I am going... to have to face the fact that my dear friends are leaving for three months. *sigh*

I am reading... what other people have to say on their blogs.

I am hoping... to purchase a new computer in the next few months. We'll see how it goes.

I am hearing... the clanging of my bracelets on the desk.

Around the house... my cat yakked on the bed.... and the towel.... and my stinking slippers. Cat yak. On my slippers. Awesome.

One of my favorite things... crazy socks. Crazy socks rock.

A few plans for the rest of the week:

I don't know. I just have no idea.

Here is picture thought I am sharing... My brother and his wife own a 1912 mansion. It's so freaking awesome. Here's a picture of part of it from the back left corner.

Use Me Till I'm All Used Up...

2009-01-02T15:07:00.003-06:00

Do you ever have those times when you need a supernatural word to describe how you're feeling? By supernatural, I mean a word that hasn't yet been invented. A word that's BIG enough to describe the intensity of emotions roaring through your body. I need these kinds of words when my skin confines me to humanness.... when I really want to just crawl out of that skin, toss it aside and be completely emancipated and celestial.

That's the kind of word I need to describe how I feel about the next few paragraphs....

I know a man who is a pastor here in Minnesota. He went to school to be a pastor. His livelihood, the church. His heart, the people. Several years ago, this pastor was diagnosed with throat cancer that landed him with, among other things, a permanent trach tube. He carries with him a small white board to write on, because the cancer also took nearly all of his speaking ability, and left him with not much more than groans.

I confess, it makes me angry to think about such a thing. WHY that?? WHY his voice... his passion... his heart...? Why? As a professing follower of Christ, I have been religiously trained to never ask why, but to trust. I have been told countless times, in various dialects of Christianese, that God's ways are bigger than our ways. While that's true, I've really never been good at not asking questions, so I DO ask why. However, I also trust that God is big enough and gentle enough to handle my doubts and fears, my questions, my humanness in its silliest form. If He's not big enough to handle ALL of that, then why trust in Him at all?

But, I digress...

This man was a GREAT pastor with powerful, meaningful sermons, but when he became one of the physically "un-pretty" people, he was, in a sense, tossed aside by the powers that be. As in, "well, you have this issue now, you know, so I guess there's really no place for you in the church. It's awkward and so.... um... bye."

His livelihood.... gone. Just like that.

Since all of this happened to him, he has been rejected in more ways than most people I know. My heart breaks when I see him, and I am moved, sometimes to tears, when I think about all he has lost. But you know what's strange? You will never see him without a smile on his face, and eyes that are illuminated with love for everyone around him.

He recently got involved in a ministry at the church I work for - a ministry involving caring for people who are receiving care through the local hospital - and his eyes light up with fervent excitement when he is called on to visit and pray with someone.

In a recent conversation with him, one of my co-workers was expressing her concern about calling on him too often, over-working him and wearing him out. His bout with cancer has left him with multiple health issues, and she wanted to be very aware and respectful of that fact.

What he said back to her was a simple, yet powerful statement, "Use me till I'm all used up."

(Insert supernatural word here.)

Use me till I'm all used up.............

In my religious experiences, I have discovered that the church universal is full of beautiful people with "nice, sensible" haircuts, tailored suits and the perfect shade of lipstick. They are eloquent, they are studied and have their various degrees from theological schools and doctrate programs. (Don't mistake my intention here, I think degrees are fine, and if you want a "sensible" haircut and a neutral-coloured lipstick, I say go for it! My intention is not to be judgmental or hypocritical in that way.) They fuss and fidget until the "new" Christians are conformed to the correct image of what a church person should look and act like. I know of many, many churches that even require a strict kind of dress if you want to step one foot on their platform.

But, ooooooh boy.......... DARE I step out on this shaky little limb?? So often, the "beautiful" people are SO busy running the church business, making the decisions about who can and can't take a leadership role, even deciding when one is "qualified" and has it "together" enough to do any kind of ministry at all, that they forget about who they're supposed to serving. Man-pleasers..... let's make things real pretty so people will like our church, our building, our leaders. Sometimes I wonder, if Jesus walked into our churches and asked to teach, would he be pushed to the back row until he could get his act together?

No, it's not this way in all churches, and I think (and hope) people are starting to see through the pharisitical, pompous attitudes, and get down to the dirty, wash-your-feet kind of ministry. But it is this way a lot of the time, and my question is, of course, WHY? WHY do we push the "uglies" out of the way to kiss the rings of the beautiful?

Okay, so enter my pastor friend. On the outside, he's not beautiful. His colour isn't quite right, his head is permanently tilted downward. He has no eloquent voice with which to deliver the perfectly fluctuated ten-minute sermon, and he can't really wear a tie anymore, due to the trach tube that protrudes from his neck. But I can tell you that this man is more like Jesus would want us to be than nearly anyone I know. He doesn't appear to care about being pretty, or official. He doesn't allow the communication challenge to stop him from doing exactly what God would want him to do..... care for His people. His heart is right.

Now, I try not to make a habit of randomly quoting scriptures just to back up my own opinions, as they are just that.... opinions. However, this man's life has deeply impacted me, and I am reminded of I Corinthians 1:27 (you should read the whole context - it's really good), "But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong."

I have to wonder who really is doing the greater "ministry", the beautiful seat-filled churches, with leaders in matching outfits and glossy shoes, or the humble man writing on his little white board, "Use me till I'm all used up"....

It's not mine to judge, but I know I personally can pray with abandon, "God, make me the most foolish of the fools, so that YOU can be glorified for who YOU are, not for who I am."

*shrug*

SWD #13

2009-01-02T08:21:00.005-06:00

http://thesimplewoman.blogspot.com/

FOR TODAY (January 2, 2009)...

Outside my window... It's 3 degrees, and there's really nothing exciting going on.

I am thinking... about Frank Simmons, my co-worker's brother who is in excruciating pain due to cancer. How I wish I could be the relief fairy and take it all away.

I am thankful for... everything..... really..... everything.

From the kitchen... last night, Jonathan made the biggest stinking cheesecake I've ever seen. It had orange zest in it, and was layered between two made-from-scratch chocolate cakes, with chocolate whipped cream frosting. It was approximately 7 inches tall and had enough calories to equal six-thousand workouts, but holy buckets, was it ever delicious.

I am wearing... hunter green turtleneck, jeans and comfy Friday shoes.

I am going... to try to get my house back in order after a month of being on the run constantly.

I am reading... through the icanhascheezburger.com website. So cute.

I am hoping... to find something interesting to say. Right now, I have nothing.

I am hearing... nothing. It's silent again.... one of those rare moments.

Around the house... I just replaced my Coca-Cola decorative stuff in the bathroom with the new black bear stuff I got for Christmas. SO exciting!!

One of my favorite things... I have too many favourites right now.

A few plans for the rest of the week:
Sleep.
Clean.
Finish a game of Mexican Train Dominoes.

Here is picture thought I am sharing... My mother had this shadow box made for me for Christmas. It has "Grandma stuff" in it - one of her pillow cases that I have had for years, three pictures of her, and the necklace she's wearing in the middle picture. It was one of the best things I've ever received. So awesome.

SWD #12

2008-12-29T13:11:00.002-06:00

http://thesimplewoman.blogspot.com/

FOR TODAY (December 29, 2008)...

Outside my window... Let's see... I'm at my mom's house in Ohio... will have to look. It's sunny and windy. There's a patio chair that was overturned by the wind, leaves everywhere and the old faithful blue truck sitting in the driveway.

I am thinking... about how many people in my life got horribly sick with the stomach flu this past week. Really makes Christmas an adventure.

I am thankful for... the fact that, even though sickness sort of overtook us this season, it's nothing compared to cancer..... or starvation.... the loss of a loved one.

From the kitchen... my mother made me a lovely turkey sandwich for breakfast, like only she can do. :o)

I am wearing... jeans, black striped shirt over a black t-shirt and vacation hair.

I am going... to play the Wii with my mom, my brother and his fam.

I am reading... nothing. I'm on vacation.

I am hoping... to get home without any more major catastrophes.

I am hearing... my nephew talking to my mom about Alice in Wonderland.

Around the house... I'm not at my house, but around this house, signs on Christmas are starting to disappear.

One of my favorite things... spending time with my mom, and my brother and family.

A few plans for the rest of the week:
Hang out for a couple more days, then try to make it home.

Here is picture thought I am sharing...
I don't have a picture thought today, because I'm not near my own computer. However, if you can picture 9 cases of stomach flu in 5 days, bad weather, canceled trains, dead car AND truck batteries, keys locked in running cars...... you'll know some of what an adventure the last week has been. And I'm still smiling. I'm pretty sure it's only because I've lost my mind. :o)

Happy New Year!

SWD #11

2008-12-22T14:02:00.018-06:00

http://thesimplewoman.blogspot.com/

FOR TODAY (December 22, 2008)...

Outside my window... It's -13 degrees with a windchill of -35. The snow is beautiful and crunchy, and my hair froze solid when I went outside.

I am thinking... about how I really don't want to be working this week.

I am thankful for... the fact that my mother arrived safely for Christmas. I'm also thankful for the wonderful time we're having together.

From the kitchen... The only thing I've had from my kitchen in the last five days is a glass of milk.

I am wearing... navy turtleneck, black sweater, navy pants, black shoes.....

I am creating... bulletins bulletins bulletins bulletins bulletins. Oh yeah, and bulletins.

I am going... to remember to warm the truck up so I don't have to sit in it and shiver.

I am reading... a lot of emails. I'm behind. Shock. Gasp. Faint.

I am hoping... to make these next few days the best ever.

I am hearing... my bed calling me. Come hooooooome..... cooooooome hooooooooome.....

Around the house... since I haven't been around much, my cat is now requiring me to show my ID at the door so he can make sure it's me entering.

One of my favorite things... Kids. Kids are so amazing... they can do ANYTHING. While most of the time, we think we should be the ones teaching, often we should be watching them and learning!

A few plans for the rest of the week:
Bulletins.
Bulletins.
More bulletins.
Some bulletins.
Larger bulletins.
Shopping.
Games.
Christmas fun.
Travel to Ohio.

Here is picture thought I am sharing... we had white out conditions the other day, and I, again being the rule-following driver that I am, snapped a shot of the road I was traveling on to remember what it looked like. THEN... while my mom and I were shopping, Mother Nature painted a GREAT picture on my windshield. Add some eyes, a nose and mouth and VOILA!

SWD #10

2008-12-15T08:50:00.013-06:00

http://thesimplewoman.blogspot.com/

FOR TODAY (December 15, 2008)...

Outside my window... It's -6 degrees with a windchill of -32. The sun dogs are HUGE and gorgeous.

I am thinking... about what a busy weekend it was with four shows and a Christmas program. Wow.

I am thankful for... the talents God has given me, and the ability to use them.

From the kitchen... let me put it this way.... I haven't been home in the evenings since last Monday. I'll just leave it at that.

I am wearing... black turtleneck sweater, tan pants, black shoes..... and BRIGHT red and silver jingle bell earrings.

I am creating... thoughts and lists to finishing my Christmas shopping.

I am going... to attempt to clean my house before my mother gets here on Friday.

I am reading... welllllll..... I actually moved a book from the shelf to the night stand. I read the title now and then when I have a minute.

I am hoping... to not run out of money before I finish shopping.

I am hearing... the heater running.

Around the house... I thought something was wrong with the PS2 memory card because it wouldn't save my Katamari game. Turns out I was just dumb (surprise, gasp, faint). My brother helped me learn the PROPER way to save a game and all is well. Now I don't have to keep starting over.

One of my favorite things... hearing lots and lots of people singing together. Last night I heard them singing Christmas carols. It was fab.

A few plans for the rest of the week:
Christmas shopping.

Brush-up rehearsal.

Mom arrives.

Three more performances.

Crash and burn.

Here is picture thought I am sharing... what is it with cats and Sorry!? The grey cat is Allige. The orange cat is my friend's cat, Reilly. They both INSIST on being in the middle of everything. Weirdos.

SWD #9

2008-12-08T11:01:00.007-06:00

http://thesimplewoman.blogspot.com/

FOR TODAY (December 8, 2008)...

Outside my window... It's 19 degrees and the clouds are preparing to dump a few inches of snow on us..... so they say. Well, the weather people say, that is, not the clouds. Clouds can't talk, you know. Or maybe they can talk and we just don't know their language. I don't speak cloud.

I am thinking... about what clouds might talk about. "Hey Whitey, did you see that dragon shape Bob made yesterday? He really has a gift for shapes. My specialty is hail."..............................

I am thankful for... everything.

From the kitchen... the dishes actually did start crawling out of the dishwasher. I had to call in the kitchen gnomes to assist.

I am wearing... navy blue pants, navy blue turtleneck, black sweater, black shoes. And yes, I CAN wear blue and black together if I want to!

I am creating... um.....chaos?

I am going... to be very frugal with time and money this week.

I am reading... schedules of the coming weeks' rehearsals and shows.

I am hoping... to keep track of everything, and not lose the joy of the season.

I am hearing... two people talking in the background. Bing Crosby singing Christmas songs. Sing it, Bing!

Around the house... let's see..... my cat still remembers me, even though I don't spend much time there right now.

One of my favorite things... Christmas trees. I LOVE Christmas trees.

A few plans for the rest of the week:
Rehearsal.
Rehearsal.
Rehearsal.
Rehearsal.
Church.
Concert.
Meeting.
Party.
Performance.
Performance.
Performance.
Performance.
Performance.
Oh yeah.... and maybe a light snack.

Here is picture thought I am sharing...It's not a picture, but it's a Garfield comic strip that made me laugh. (Copyright Jim Davis)

Until You've Had An Addiction...

2008-12-05T15:04:00.000-06:00

I wonder how many times in my life I've said the words, "They got what they deserved" to people in conversations. I used to think it was a perfectly rational line of thought, as in, if you're going to dig your hole, don't be surprised when it caves in on top of you.

It's taken me a long time to realize what a nasty attitude that is about people and life in general. When I make a mistake, or royally mess something up, the last thing in the world I need is to be given the proverbial "you made your bed, now you have to lie in it" speech. Yet, how many times do we give that speech, either face to face, or worse, behind the scenes, without a clue of how hurtful it comes across to the defeated comrad?

I've prayed for God to give me more compassion over the years, and since watching people or animals suffer nearly sends me to the ground in agony, I'm calling Him Faithful on that one. In my search for a genuinely caring heart, I've discovered that addiction is one of the areas in which I've found a new interest.

For people who have never had an addiction, it's hard to understand why you can't "just quit" on the spot. Just make the decision to do it, right? Well, okay, but really, whether it's drugs, alcohol, television, computers, video games, sports, or any other thing we may latch on to, when it becomes and addiction, it takes over your life and leaves you with little self-discipline or control. That's WHY it's called addiction.

I highly doubt that anyone wakes up one morning and says, "Hmm... I think I'll see what I can get addicted to today." It just happens. We make decisions, yes, and we're accountable, yes, but we're also human. I know that, for me personally, if I could ever go a day without messing SOMETHING up, or making a wrong decision, I would probably wonder if I was having an out-of-body experience. This begs the question....

Why do we feel we have the RIGHT to judge or draw the line on what is an acceptable mistake and what's past the point of no return? Which mess-up deserves grace and mercy, and which deserves condemnation and finger-pointing shame?

I'm not negating the importance of consequences here, because unfortunately, consequences are sometimes the best teachers, but don't you think a "compassionate" God would want us to extend the hand of mercy, even in the worst of circumstances? If God is truly who He says He is, then He loves us NO MATTER WHAT, and when we get into trouble, or make a bad decision, He doesn't point the almighty finger at us and furrow His brow with rejection and anger. Rather, His unconditional love for us has Him extending both arms, pulling us close to his heart and walking us through our circumstances gently.

I suppose it should be no different for us in the way we treat people, especially those with addictions. We should be gentle, patient.....merciful..... even in the face of an addict who has "made their bed" and is now lying in it. Addiction destroys reason, obliterates rationality, sometimes even steals your sanity.

Compassion revives - WE could be the misty horizon of hope for someone struggling with addiction in a particular area, but we can't do it by sticking our self-righteous fingers in their face. Too harsh? Maybe, but isn't there a simple truth to all of this? If WE want to be given the second, third, tenth, hundredth chances when we mess things up, then I think we should probably start giving the same grace to others.

Or, perhaps once again, I am just another babbling blogger........

Useless Trivia....

2008-12-05T14:00:00.003-06:00

If anyone can answer all of these questions about me correctly, I'll take them out for a lovely frothy beverage! I'll give you a hint..... you can cheat on some of these by looking at a previous post.

1. What's my favourite colour?
2. What are the two foods I absolutely cannot handle eating?
3. Name three words I don't like.
4. Name three words I DO like.
5. What's the first thing I do when I buy a new pair of shoes?
6. What's my cat's name?
7. Who was my best friend in high school?
8. Where does my mom live?
9. How many piercings and tattoos do I have?
10. Where did I go to college?
11. How many instruments do I play?
12. Name one of my favourite sayings.
13. How many siblings do I have?
14. What colour are my eyes?
15. Name three of my favourite smells.
16. What is my official title at work?
17. What kind of band do I play with?
18. To where have I always wanted to travel?
19. What are two of my biggest pet peeves?
20. What really hurts me?
21. How long have I lived in MN?
22. Name three jobs I've had in my life.
23. Do I like sweet or salty better?
24. Am I religious?
25. What kind of dancing do I just LOVE?
26. What makes me reeeeeeeeally happy?
27. How is my living room decorated?
28. Do I like sports?
29. If I were going to own a dog, what kind would I get?
30. One of my life's philosphies is......

2008-12-01T15:59:00.004-06:00

http://thesimplewoman.blogspot.com/

FOR TODAY (December 1, 2008)...

Outside my window... A fresh blanket of snow is on the ground that's rapidly turning brown from the salting/sanding trucks.

I am thinking... about a question my friend asked me regarding whether or not I see myself as a "simple woman". The answer is, of course, not even close. Perhaps I should start The Unusual Weirdo's Daybook??

I am STILL thankful for... my health and everything I have.

From the kitchen... the dishes are going to start crawling out of the dishwasher themselves if I don't put them away soon.

I am wearing... black pants, forrest green turtleneck, Harley-Davidson shoes.

I am creating... a gift for someone. :o)

I am going... to the theatre after work to check in on things.

I am reading... nope.... no time to read right now.

I am hoping... to slow my mind's time down for the next month and just enjoy things.

I am hearing... nothing. It's silent. Wow.

Around the house... I have Christmas presents laying around waiting to be wrapped!

One of my favorite things... the holiday season. I wish it would linger on....

A few plans for the rest of the week: I haven't gotten that far yet.

Here is a picture thought I am sharing...
I took some really bad quality pictures of my friend's Christmas tree lights last night. They're pretty. So... yeah. Here they are.

SWD #8

2008-11-24T11:26:00.009-06:00

http://thesimplewoman.blogspot.com/

FOR TODAY (November 24, 2008)...

Outside my window... The trees have suddenly turned from their beautiful autumn colours to a bare brown stick look.

I am thinking... about my stepmother. Her birthday is tomorrow.

I am STILL thankful for... my health. So many people around me are sick and suffering.

From the kitchen... I'm looking forward to having one of Jonathan's chocolate truffle cookies. They are amazing.

I am wearing... white turtleneck, black sweater, black pants, black and white chunky shoes and penguin earrings.

I am creating... a list of potential purchases on Black Friday. Woo!!

I am going... to enjoy this coming weekend immensely.

I am reading...the newspaper from Saturday.

I am hoping... I do okay leading two parent meetings tonight and tomorrow night.

I am hearing... the steadiness of a ticking clock.

Around the house... I am enjoying having Christmas decorations for the first time in my adult life.

One of my favorite things... the smell of pine trees. There's just nothing like it.

A few plans for the rest of the week:
Two meetings, a girls' night, Thanksgiving day fun and 4:00AM Black Friday shopping!

Here is a picture thought I am sharing... My larger-than-life cat thinks he's a tiny baby, and must have four treats every night before bed. Lately, after the treat ritual, he's taken to pawing at my cheek and my covers until I let him in. He then curls up as close to me as possible (as in, if he were any closer, he'd be wearing my pajamas), puts his head on my pillow and falls asleep. I was able to snap a couple of not-so-good pictures with my phone the other night. Isn't he goofy? What a goob.

SWD #7

2008-11-17T13:37:00.008-06:00

http://thesimplewoman.blogspot.com/

FOR TODAY (November 17, 2008)...

Outside my window... I am finally starting to see signs of winter. It's about time.

I am thinking... about how my motives have been judged by someone who ought to know better, and how badly that hurts.

I am thankful for... my health.

From the kitchen... I'm stuck on Cap'n Crunch Christmas Crunchberries. So nutritious.

I am wearing... black turtleneck, tan pants, black shoes. It was the first thing I saw in the closet this morning.

I am creating... a list of items to be covered in a meeting later today. Hope I have all my ducks in a row. What in the world does that mean, anyway.... to have all your ducks in a row? I've never seen anyone line up ducks.

I am going... to clean my kitchen tonight. I think.

I am reading...nope.... still no time to read, though I did read some of the newspaper last night.

I am hoping... my mother actually gets her late birthday present today.

I am hearing... extremely harsh words echoing in my head.

Around the house... I must empty the litter box, lest the beast begin to rebel.

One of my favorite things... Christmas movies.

A few plans for the rest of the week:
Helping my friend paint her bedroom.
Paying bills.
Other insignificant stuff.

Here is picture thought I am sharing... For Administrative Professionals Day this year, someone gave me a miniature rose bush. It blossomed well inside the office with little quarter-size mini roses. However, I soon discovered it had been taken over by gnats, so I set it outside the back door, thinking it would die. Well.... not only did it stay alive, but it decided to valiantly put out one last little blossom. It fought and fought and FINALLY opened up its petite petals. The next day it snowed and the little rose died. The end. *sigh*

SWD #6

2008-11-10T10:24:00.016-06:00

http://thesimplewoman.blogspot.com/

FOR TODAY (November 10, 2008)...

Outside my window... it's a balmy 25 degrees and the sun is shining.

I am thinking... about how I failed to get my mother's birthday present to her on time.

I am thankful for... her forgiveness.

From the kitchen... I made brownies last night, and they tasted like carboard. I'm thinking I won't buy that brand again. You'd think Ghirardelli would have been better.

I am wearing... black turtleneck, black and grey palazzo pants, black boots and a black beret.

I am creating... a sign-up sheet for volunteer opportunities.

I am going... to attempt to get my remote starter installed in my truck before winter gets here.

I am reading...nope.... still no time to read.

I am hoping... to force myself to go home tonight and just be there.

I am hearing... the heater running in the background, and the clock ticking. It's nice and quiet for the moment.

Around the house... I am going through old cassette tapes to see what I should keep and what I should throw away.

One of my favorite things... is cozying up at home with my lumberjack jammies on, the fireplace going, the lights on the trees (yes, I have many pine trees in my house) glowing softly, and cinnamon candles mixed with some balsam fir incense wafting through the rooms.

A few plans for the rest of the week:
Must make up Christmas lists and get them to my momala.
Must also get momala's birthday present to her.... late.... as usual. *sigh*

Here is picture thought I am sharing... I walked out of my friend's house last night and discovered my truck like this. I'm not exactly sure what I did to make the little birdies angry with me, but they have definitely made a statement. I stopped counting the poop splotches when I got to 75. (One wonders WHY I bothered counting them in the first place, right?) I've never seen anything like it. Too bad it wasn't the bluebird of happiness - today I'd be high on life. :o)

Living with Regret

2008-11-06T08:21:00.006-06:00

This morning I was greeted by the maintenance man whose brother has been fighting a battle with cancer. It was a normal morning....

"Morning, Michele."

"Morning, Bill."

.....until......

"Well, things took a turn for the worse last night."

"Uh oh, that doesn't sound good."

..... Bill went on to tell me that his brother's cancer has spread to his bones and that there's nothing more they can do for him, so they're sending him home for hospice care.

Hospice care. A term I've become all too familiar with, as hospice was involved when Elmer passed away last year. You only get hospice care when you have "less than six months to live" according to the doctors.

I'm speechless, and immediately, my thoughts turn to something I wrote in a letter several years ago regarding living with regret. Perhaps living in the same city as the world renown Mayo Clinic I am exposed to more illness and suffering than someone living in podunk USA, but it seems like every time I turn around, I hear about someone dying. A mother, an uncle, a grandparent, a friend.... a child. I wonder, when I hear these stories, how many of those dealing with a the devastation of losing someone are also dealing with regret.

I should have said..... I shouldn't have done..... I could have.... I never did..... words you must live with for the rest of your own time on earth. Living with regret is a very difficult thing, as it's not something that really goes away. It's almost as if it develops a personality and sticks its ugly tongue out at you, because it knows that it's too late for you to do anything about the past.

When I think about Bill and his sweet brother, my heart weeps such bitter tears, as I know they don't have much time to do and say everything necessary to prevent having to live (or pass on) with regret looming over them. Why do we wait so long? Why does it take a crisis to get us to move?

My mother informed me last night that she told one of our relatives that I don't have time to talk on the phone anymore because I'm so busy. So I ask myself, "Self.... do you REALLY want to live with the regret of having not spent more time on the phone with your mom?" The answer is a definitive NO. I am planning on having my mother around for many, many years to come, but there really is no guarantee is there? If (and God, I would really appreciate not being tested in this area) something were to happen to her today or tomorrow, would I be satisfied and content that I did all I could to show her how much I love and value her?

It's simple. I must improve. Same with my dad, same with my brother, my grandmother, my friends. I must improve! I want them to know without a shadow of a doubt that I love them more than air. I must get back to taking advantage of every opportunity I am given to say, "I love you. You are valuable to me. I am glad you are in my life."

I encourage you as well, to find the time you need to say all you must say, and do all you must do to show people how much you love them. YOU are the one who has to live with regret. Do all you can to avoid it - even if it means stretching yourself beyond your emotional comfort zone, and for goodness sake, don't wait for the crisis to be your catapult!

With that, I remain.... I love you all. You are valuable to me, and I am glad you're in my life.

Why Are We Doing What We're Doing?

2008-11-03T14:31:00.008-06:00

You know.... I am puzzled by something.... I am perplexed.... I am contemplating....

I was going through some different blog sites today. We are free to exercise our First Amendment rights.... say what you want.... believe what you want, and I do appreciate reading the thoughts of other people. Blogs are good for that sort of thing.

However, why is it that more often than not, I see people taking another person's opinion as Gospel truth? WHY are we not studying for ourselves? I may have commentaries about different subjects, but is my story something to base your beliefs on, or is someone else's story something I should base MY beliefs on? How do you know the "story" is true? How do you know it hasn't been altered? You find the source, that's how!

There's a game that nearly everyone I know has played at one time or another. It's called Telephone. One person whispers a sentence into another's ear, and it gets passed down the line until the last person almost always has a completely different version than what was originally said. Very rarely do the two versions match up, with the exception of maybe a couple of words.

While this is a game most often played in youth groups or classrooms, is it not the same in life? Stories get altered, so we must be careful what we base our "truth" on when passing along tales. Every story told, or thing relayed to be fact, is subject to opinion and perspective, as well as communication gaps. We must learn to go back to the original source from which it came to find the truth for ourselves.

Now, don't get me wrong here, I do not claim to be the perfect eternal student who spends hours and hours buried in books, but I at least give it a few counts before I buy into something. My eyes do a short bobble, and I am immediately on alert when the words, "Hey, did you know that...." come out of someone's mouth. I am working diligently to make sure I don't believe something just because someone, somewhere said it was true. Does that make me skeptical? Maybe, but I'd rather be skeptical and than mindless.

Unfortunately, my diatribe comes from my own experience in the Christian world. Yes, I am a believer in God, and the overwhelming love He has for everyone on this earth, but I am not a dogmatic believer in denominations, nor am I prone to fall for religious opinions without studying them first. I want to know WHY I'm doing what I'm doing, or what's the point of doing it at all?

I had a very interesting conversation with an eleven-year old last year that revolved around something her Sunday school teacher was attempting to indoctrinate into the kids in her class. The student was very indignant, and rightly so, I suppose. Her teacher was talking about the wrongness of people with a certain style of dress, specifically, the "goth" style. For the sake of time, we will take the term, "goth" to mean just that, a style, rather than what Gothic really means, though you may consider studying it for yourself, as it's very fascinating.

When confronted with this teacher's (good-hearted) intentions to convince her students that wearing skulls and having tattoos is wrong, and that people who wear them are bad, the youngster attempted to ask questions that would upset religious mindsets world wide. "Why do you say it is wrong? Aside from modesty, isn't God more interested in our hearts than what we wear?" And then came the real controversy, "Why are you saying that tattoos are wrong? My other teacher has tattoos and she's a good Christian who loves Jesus."

Oh boy.

Like so many other Christians do, Ms. Teacher simply opened up her Bible to Leviticus 19:28 and read, "Do not cut your bodies for the dead or put tattoo marks on yourselves. I am the LORD." So, the story goes on and the young girl eventually ended up having an interesting discussion with her teacher, and later her parents and me.

The average person would take Ms. Teacher's quote of scripture, agree with it and pass it on as absolute truth. This is a problem. While I am not negating the truth of the Bible, I am rather disillusioned by the perspective and opinion of Ms. Teacher who has obviously not gone back to the origin, nor the context of said scripture to find its true meaning. She is believing something, but doesn't know why, or where it came from in the first place, and she's passing it along as fact.

I don't dare to venture down the path of theological debate, but seriously.... do we honestly think that there were people running around with inked-up needles, drawing hearts, roses and "I love Mom" on the various appendages of people in Old Testament times? Of course not. Read it - study it - find out for yourself what that scripture and context really mean. I bet you'll be surprised.

I heard a story (yes, a story) once, and I have no idea whether it's a true story or a creative illustration from someone's mind, but it has fantastic application to this post.

*************************************************************

There was a lady who was going to cook a ham one day. She took the ham out, cut the end of it off and put it in the pan. Her husband, curious enough to ask, quizzed her with, "Honey, why do you cut the end off of the ham?"

His wife simply stated, "I don't know, that was the way my mother always did it."

Dear hubby, still inquisitive, called the mother, and asked her, "My wife says you always cut the end off of a ham before you cook it, and I was just wondering why?"

The mother also stated, "I don't know, that was the way my mother always did it."

Still determined, he called Grandma. "Grandma, I've been told that you always cut the end off of a ham before you cook it, and I was just wondering, why?"

"Well," she replied, "I always had a small pan, and cutting the end off was the only way I could get it to fit."

*************************************************************

You may interpret this story however you wish, but the reality is, we must know why we are doing what we're doing, or there really is NO point in doing it! We should be ready to give an answer for what we believe in, and if we don't know the answer, we should not be mindless about it, but rather, challenge ourselves to study and find out what we truly believe and WHY we believe those things.

Of course, I could be just another babbling blogger with an opinion. *shrug*

SWD #5

2008-11-03T10:02:00.005-06:00

http://thesimplewoman.blogspot.com/

FOR TODAY (November 3, 2008)...

Outside My Window... Mother Nature is exacting her wrath on me as it is STILL going to be above 70 degrees again!! Oy.

I am thinking... about how I did not enjoy my bagel with tomato this morning.

I am thankful for... my mother. She has such an amazing heart.

From the kitchen... my best friend says she stole my rice-a-roni. I think she's crazy.

I am wearing... black pants, a black shirt, black earrings and awesome black boots (they have AWESOME shoe noise).

I am creating... a list of things I have to get done this week.

I am going... to try to get my mom's birthday present to her on time this year.

I am reading... no... I am not reading. I haven't had time to read in the last week!

I am hoping... to not burn my tongue on this cup of coffee that is tempting me.

I am hearing... construction noise outside, and the voice in my head that is telling me it is okay to take a break and not get buried.

Around the house... I should probably tidy up a bit. Not being home makes for stuff dumped wherever it lands!

One of my favorite things... getting up early the day after Thanksgiving to go shopping with Tammy and Kristin. Only three and a half more weeks!

A Few Plans For The Rest Of The Week:
Making contact with Words Players people, and getting all that stuff organized.
Um.... I don't know what else.... haven't written it all down yet!

Here is picture thought I am sharing... for the last six years, I have photographed my best friend's kids. This year, I'm doing a little experimenting with black and white, so here is one of the latest pictures of Caleb. He's such a handsome kid, and I love the contrast of his perfect skin with the black background.

Orange Pop and Toothbrush Soap #2

2008-10-30T08:23:00.007-05:00

You may be wondering why I picked the title, Orange Pop and Toothbrush Soap. If you've read previous posts, then you know about the Toothbrush Soap. Today, I shall regale you with the Orange Pop story. Hopefully, it will bring a smile to your face.

You see, when my older brother and I were kids, he was my hero (he still is, for that matter), and I wanted to be juuuuuuust like him. I listened to the same music he did, tried to dress how he did, attempted to accomplish the same things he accomplished. Even into my college years, I acquired my FCC license and became a radio DJ, because my brother did it, and if my brother did it, that meant it was cool.

Before I get into the rest of the story, I'd like to give a shout out to all you little sisters out there, who have faithfully clung to the pant leg of your superhuman older brothers. You've been brushed off, pushed away, taken advantage of in so many ways, and yet, have remained the ever-loyal, bright-eyed followers. This tale is for you....

Our mother used to take us to McDonald's restaurant for lunch. I'm not trying to make myself sound old, but in those days, the Happy Meal was relatively new, and you thought you were something else if you actually got one.

My brother and I would eat our Happy Meals, and take our miniature orange pops, in the waxy cups (remember those?) home with us in the car. In the back seat, we would sit, not crossing the middle line onto the other sibling's space, and then it would start...

"Hey, Michele, I bet I can drink my coke (in the south, it's ALL coke) faster than you can drink yours."

"No you can't."

"Yes, I can. Wanna race to see who can drink theirs faster?"

"Okay."

"Ready....... set....... GO!!"

The sucking and slurping would begin, and I would pucker as fast I could, fighting brain-freeze and that feeling that your nose is going to fall off and your eyeballs pop out from the high amount of carbonation. I would watch him intensely to make sure I was winning even though he was sucking it down as fast as me.

"DONE!" I would shout, panting and puffing, eyes watery from the effort.

"Awww," he'd say, "I guess you won."

Can you hear the triumphant music playing loudly? As I would begin to catch my breath after the intense moments, the realization that I had won would set in and victory would display it's banner over me. Those of you who have older siblings know that actually beating them in ANYTHING can only be compared to such feats like stopping a train.... climbing Mt. Everest..... leaping tall buildings in a single bound. The sheer satisfaction is worth more than nearly anything else in the kingdom of childhood.

As I would bask in the glory of winning, and Mom would begin the journey home in our army green Gran Torino, my brother would look proudly over at me and the words would ooze out of his mouth, "Gosh.... I bet you're thirsty."

I would clutch my cup, holding nothing but ice, in my little hand and realize that yes, I was indeed thirsty. Then, gazing wantingly at my brother, his bigger-than-life sinister grin illuminating the air, I would notice his cup, and how.... how... it was.... full?? You mean, he FAKE raced me? I won, though!!! But.....but..... somehow, I lost? He tricked me into drinking all that I had while he only pretended? My naive young mind could not possibly wrap itself around this concept.

Nevermind the slimy sarcasm that dripped from his lips, let's talk about the manipulation. Let's talk about the evil trickery he used on me. My victory.... his defeat... *sigh*. It would all fade into the distance as we would finish the ride home, him with his slurping delight, and me with my melting ice and dashed hopes. Can you HEAR the violins playing?

I can't tell you how many times I fell for tricks like this. As I have said before, it is a wonder my brother and I survived growing up, let alone ended up as friends. To all of you who have fallen into the traps of your wise older siblings, I salute you. Thanks for taking one for the team!

To all of you older siblings, throw us a bone now and then, would ya? I love you Brada-mon!

101 Things You Probably Never Wanted to Know About Me...

2008-10-27T11:10:00.012-05:00

Jocelyn Dixon (aponderingheart.com) posted 101 facts about herself on her blog, and I liked it so much, I thought I'd use it (I hope you don't mind, Jocelyn). Be prepared for the unusual, along with very candid honesty.

1. I used to hate the spelling of my name, but now I like it.

2. Black is my favourite colour.

3. It irritates the daylights out of me when people say, "You should wear something other than black." I don't tell people who wear a lot of red that they should wear something other than red.

4. I have a very emotional and affectionate cat.

5. I am more like my mother than I thought (not that it's a bad thing!).

6. I hate being late. On time to me is 5 minutes early.

7. I refuse to have a "picture of Jesus" in my house. I don't believe they're ever realistic.

8. I leave my windows open in the winter.

9. I prefer cloudy days over sunshine.

10. I have a 7-foot pine tree in my living room.

11. My blood type is very rare.

12. I like Mountain Dew icees.

13. My brother, dad and mom are my three heroes. All three have overcome tremendous obstacles in their lives and come out as amazing people.

14. There are only three people that truly know who I am.

15. My phone rarely rings unless people want something from me.

16. I lived in multiple foster homes as a child.

17. I have hazel eyes.

18. I like vegetables WAY more than I like sweets.

19. I wear white gold or silver, but NEVER yellow gold.

20. I am attempting to grow my hair out to my butt since I've never done it before.

21. I think it's very weird that I just typed the words "my butt" in a blog.

22. Last Christmas, some dear friends gave me 17-place settings of bavarian china, with serving dishes and all. It made me cry.

23. I cry a lot when I'm alone.

24. I have three tattoos, and would like one or two more.

25. I have accidentally ripped out my nose ring more than once.

26. I LOVE log cabins.

27. Someday, I would like to write a book, but probably never will.

28. I let people intimidate and control me way too much.

29. I name nearly everything.

30. My Trailblazer's name is Julia. My acoustic guitar's name is Beauregard the Second.

31. I play many musical instruments, but I can't read music.

32. I can't stand the words purse, bless or special.

33. Unless I have a child, I am the end of my dad's bloodline.

34. According to "the tests", my personality type makes up less than 2% of the population.

35. I can "see through" people very easily.

36. I absolutely LOVE senior citizens.

37. I don't feel like I have value to anyone.

38. I despise shallow chit chat.

39. I can make up songs, poems and stories on the spot.

40. My brother's IQ is higher than mine.

41. My IQ is 144.

42. Math makes me angry.

43. I have more than 60 pairs of shoes.

44. I love jet black hair.

45 I can whistle and hum at the same time.... sometimes in harmony.

46. I collect watches. I currently have 112.

47. I get very frustrated when I drop my keys.

48. I drop my keys a lot.

49. I buy bottled water.

50. I listen to Christmas music and watch Christmas movies throughout the year.

51. I think faster than almost anyone I know.

52. I react well in emergencies.

53. I analyze everything to death.

54. I am considering going back to vegetarianism.

55. My brother is one of my best friends.

56. My bathroom is currently decorated in Coca-Cola stuff.

57. I like sarcastic humor.

58. I can't look at certain kinds of clowns - they're scary.

59. My favourite number is 10.

60. My least favourite number is 11 - I try hard not to look at it.

61. It bugs me when people pronounce nuclear, "nuke-you-lar", and realtor, "real-a-tor". Minnesotans are notorious for the latter.

62. I wish I could have a garden and grow my own vegetables.

63. It makes me physically ill when I see people suffering.

64. I've coached for two human births.

65. I love my sister-in-law.

66. I love photographing people.

67. I think Carol Burnett is absolutely brilliant.

68. I own a nativity set made up of black bears.

69. I like cartoons. Garfield, Bugs Bunny and Tom & Jerry are my favs.

70. I don't believe in mindless obedience (except in some cases where authority plays a role).

71. I don't allow myself to dream, because I've discovered that dreams rarely come true.

72. I get VERY angry when people pick on other people.

73. My parents got married on April Fool's day. They are divorced.

74. I like living in the city. I don't think I would survive in the country.

75. In the past year, there have been multiple shootings, and two murders in my neighborhood.

76. I have a tendency to road rage.

77. Going to Wal-Mart with my best friend is one of my favourite things to do.

78. I rode a passenger train for the first time two years ago with my mom. It was awesome.

79. My brother and I have hash browns, wheat toast and coffee when we go out to breakfast together.

80. I count in my head, not out loud.

81. I am told I look like my grandmother. I am also told I look like my dad. I am ALSO told I look like my mom. I guess that makes me a mutt.

82. Frequently, when I look into peoples' eyes, they get all wiggly and ask me "What are you seeing?"

83. My cat hogs the bed, and I would rather be uncomfortable than have him move.

84. I rarely make my bed. It's hard to make yourself into a burrito when your covers are all tucked in.

85. I am learning how to stand up for myself. Believe it or not, that's not an easy thing to do when you're short.

86. About eight years ago, someone told me that my looks are the thorn in my side, and that if it weren't for what I look like, I would be famous. That has never left me. I doubt it ever will.

87. I love the smell of cedar.

88. I am very good at tap dancing.

89. I think I have a stupid laugh.

90. I do NOT like doing dishes.

91. I have an amazing stepmother. She's kind, gentle and loving, but I have no doubts that she could kick some serious butt.

92. I am sometimes too independent.

93. I am a true introvert.

94. One of my pet peeves is when someone says they're going to do something and doesn't do it.

95. I like a good musical number.

96. When I see a spider, I get light-headed.

97. I love the way my dad laughs.

98. I have been thrown from a horse many times.

99. I've only been in one fist fight in my life. I had a black-out moment of rage, so I don't remember it, but I walked away unscathed while the other girl ended up with two black eyes and a scar.

100. I can leg press more than 700 pounds.

101. I am me. What you see is what you get.

SWD #4

2008-10-27T10:33:00.008-05:00

http://thesimplewoman.blogspot.com/

FOR TODAY (October 27, 2008)...

Outside My Window... it's 36 degrees, and there's a HUGE pile of leaves that blew against the door last night.

I am thinking... about melancholy personalities. If you're a melancholy, it's very difficult to see the bright side of things.

I am thankful for... my health, as I watch people around me start to fall apart.

From the kitchen... I am enjoying a very, very hot cup of coffee in my favourite mug. It keeps things hot for hours and hours, and holds a cold drink with ice for more than 24 hours.

I am wearing... black palazzo pants, hunter green turtleneck, long black jacket/sweater thingy and my awesome Sketcher shoes.

I am creating... a list in my mind of the top sayings that most single people hate to hear.

I am going... to straighten the table in my living room.

I am STILL reading... the same things I was reading the last time I listed what I was reading. *snort*

I am hoping... to remember to savour the autumn days, since they are my favourite.

I am hearing... the ticking clock, the wind whistling wildly outside, my own thoughts racing about on the motorcross track of my mind.

Around the house... I have clothes hanging everywhere because they needed more dry time.

One of my favorite things... is hearing hundreds of people singing together. So powerful.

A Few Plans For The Rest Of The Week:
I have no idea right now. Things have to be left open for last minute details on Halloween stuff.

Here is picture thought I am sharing...
I had to share two pictures today. I was driving to work one morning last week and was struck by the beauty of the fall colours. I whipped out my phone and, of course, completely legally, snapped a couple of shots of the road I was on. I thought that, even though they aren't the best quality, they were worth looking at.

TAG

2008-10-24T13:41:00.003-05:00

TAG! Read mine, and if you're tagged, do your own and tag someone else!

10 years ago I was :
1- 10 years younger.
2- Working for a computer service and sales company.
3- Still living in the same state as my brother.
4- Playing piano and singing on a church praise team.
5- Sporting jet black hair. I miss that.

5 years ago I was:
1- Working at a Lutheran church. Still am.
2- Enjoying getting to know my best friend.
3- Decorating my house in lighthouses.
4- Teaching the kids at church.
5- Afraid to be who I really was.

5 things on my "to do" list :
1- Not lose my mind.
2- Call my dad.
3- Buy cat litter.
4- Drink some coffee.
5- Try to find people who care about what I have to say. :o)

5 snacks that I enjoy:
1- Frozen peas.
2- Whale crackers.
3- Pretty much any kind of raw vegetable.
4- Raw almonds.
5- A Mountain Dew icee.

5 things I would do if I were a millionaire:
1- Pay off my truck.
2- Buy a log cabin.
3- Kidnap my mom for a tour around the world.
4- Pay off my brother's mansion.
5- Maybe buy a Dr. Pepper.

5 places I have lived:
1- New Mexico.
2- Texas.
3- Colorado.
4- Minnesota.
5- There are no more.

5 jobs I have had:
1- Paper Girl.
2- Bumper Car and Ferris Wheel Operator.
3- Chiropractic Therapist.
4- Office Manager.
5- Paraprofessional.

5 words that describe me:
1- Creative.
2- Outcast.
3- Loyal.
4- Rescuer.
5- Freak.

I tag... well.... the only people that read this blog so far. Jen, Jacque, Amanda and Jocelyn.

Letter to a Dying Person

2008-10-23T16:13:00.005-05:00

One year ago today, Mr. Elmer Wetenkamp passed away. I remember the weeks before he died.... helping the family with his care, keeping him fed and clean, sitting by his side trying to calm him as his life was coming to an end. There's never been anything in my life that I've held in the realms of high privilege like this experience.

Day after day, we wondered, "will this be the one?" The last Sunday he was alive, his family gathered around him and wept as they said their good-byes to him. What an honour to be part of that moment, as the realization that the end was coming began to permeate the room. His lovely wife of 65 years, Mary Jane, by his side.... she rarely left his side...... and his children and grandchildren gathered around.

I can recall being up with him in the middle of the last night he was alive. Mary Jane had gone out to use the bathroom and I heard this faint whisper from Elmer's mouth...... "I love you, Mary Jane." Those were the last words he spoke. I've never told her that. I wonder if I should.

Caring for someone in that position is the most incredible, loving thing you could do. The raw vulerability of it all completely takes my breath away when I think about it. Unable to move, unable to speak, unable to bathe or use the bathroom on their own..... wishing they could speak, but surrendering to silence.

I have a new found admiration for hospice workers all over the world. I think perhaps the greatest gift you could give another human is to be the one who sits by their side as their life becomes a misty existence, and eventually fades away.

One day, when Elmer was in his last hours, I felt this overwhelming emotional surge, and this is what came out.....

LETTER TO A DYING PERSON

Dear Friend,

How I wish you could understand the words I write in this letter. How I wish I could talk to you and tell you what I’m thinking.

My friend, you are dying. You are on a journey that no one ever wants to go on, nevertheless, it’s a journey which we must all take. You were talking for a while, and then one day, your words turned to mumbles, and soon after that, your mumbles turned to moans.

I want you to know that as you try desperately within your mind to make your mouth form words, that I am on the other side trying desperately to understand you. As you slowly move your hands and arms to try in some way to signal what you need, I am on the other side watching intensely in an attempt to interpret your movements.

I want you to know that as you decline, and as your body shuts down, I am working diligently to make sure you are comfortable, and not experiencing any pain. I will be as careful as I can when I clean you, making sure the water is warm and you don’t get too chilled as you lay there.

I want you to know that I understand you are very vulnerable right now. I will be as gentle as humanly possible with every area of your body, and when the time comes for you to be cleaned when your body rids itself of waste, I will do everything I can to preserve your dignity.

You are still every bit a person, and you will always be exactly who God made you to be, no matter what condition your body is in. I will always keep that in the front of my mind. I am here. I am watching, listening and guarding to protect you and keep you safe from harm.

It is my honour and privilege to help you, my friend, as I know you would do the same for me. I pray your journey is painless and peaceful. Know that I will be by your side as much as I can until you take your last breath.

All my love and more....

Orange Pop and Toothbrush Soap

2008-10-20T11:04:00.002-05:00

My brother and I are very close, and I love him more than I could ever say. In fact, I am constantly amazed that not only did we survive our childhood, but that we came out of it friends at all. We talk fairly frequently, and maintain pretty much a daily level of contact through emails, instant messaging and phone texting. One of the things I really enjoy about him is that he's a good kind of weird, and somewhat random, like me.

In amongst our texting last year, I received one of these random messages from him that simply said, "I'm sorry about your toothbrush."

My message back, "Uhh..... my toothbrush?"

His reply, "Yeah, when we were kids, I used to rub your toothbrush in the soap all the time, so I'm sorry."

This, of course, launched a great deal of laughter in me, as I have learned to appreciate the humor in all the big brother tricks he played on me when we were young. It's funny, I don't remember my toothbrush tasting soapy, nor did it ever produce an unwelcome amount of suds in my mouth. Does that mean no harm, no foul? I suppose I shall ponder farther.

I have labeled this post, "Orange Pop and Toothbrush Soap". I will use this title repeatedly as I remember different things about growing up. I don't expect to accomplish much out of it, but perhaps, if nothing more, it will create a smile on the faces of the readers.

I love you, Brada-mon!

SWD #3

2008-10-20T09:21:00.008-05:00

http://thesimplewoman.blogspot.com/
FOR TODAY (October 20, 2008)...

Outside My Window... the world is going by, and multi-coloured leaves are fluttering down.

I am thinking... about Christmas music. I LOVE Christmas music. Especially the old stuff... Bing Crosby, Rosemary Clooney, etc.

I am thankful for... the few family members I have left and sleep.

From the kitchen... a lovely bagel with garden veggie cream cheese and tomatoes.

I am wearing... a burnt red shirt, black pants and awesome chunky Sketcher shoes.

I am creating... a schedule to keep my week straight.

I am going... bonkers.

I am (still) reading... The Confessional, by J. L. Powers.

I am hoping... to go to bed on time tonight. Ha...... haha.... hahahahahahahahahaaaaaaaa.

I am hearing... the volunteers recording the attendance and someone's keys jingling in the hallway. Oh... and now the phone is ringing.

Around the house... I haven't been there much lately, so it's almost hard to remember what it looks like. Messy, I think. If Allige would clean, it would help. Gawl.

One of my favorite things... is having long conversations with people. Forget the shallow stuff, I want to dig deep.

A Few Plans For The Rest Of The Week: Meeting tonight, meeting tomorrow, practice on Wednesday, girls' night on Thursday, another practice on Friday, another practice on Saturday, another practice on Sunday. So basically, a lot of practice.

Here is picture thought I am sharing..

My stepmother took this picture of her horse, Sniper. I think the picture pretty much says it all, don't you? :o)

Old friendships...

2008-10-17T14:07:00.001-05:00

I had the chance to meet with a friend yesterday who I haven't seen in more than 14 years. She said the most profound thing about one of her relationships.

She said, "If I want her to accept me for who I am, then I have to accept her for who she is, EVEN if that means that part of who she is means she cannot accept me for who I am."

Yes, yes, yes, you have to read it and analyze it to really see the depth, but when you do, it makes you think.

At one point in our wonderful conversation I said, "I don't want anything, but I want everything, and we can be done with that now." She said I should psycho-analyze that comment. Anyone care to give your professional opinion? :o)

SWD #2

2008-10-17T13:45:00.000-05:00

http://thesimplewoman.blogspot.com/

FOR TODAY (October 17, 2008)...

Outside My Window... Misty drizzle and cool autumn air

I am thinking... that I have a lot on my plate right now.

I am thankful for... the opportunity to visit with a friend I haven't seen in 14 years.

From the kitchen... leftover fried rice. Yum.

I am wearing... a black, long-sleeved shirt and wide leg jeans.

I am creating... a mess, because I have no idea how these blog things work!

I am going... to paint stars on the wall.

I am reading... The Confessional, by J. L. Powers

I am hoping... to be able to remember everything I have to get done over the next few weeks.

I am hearing... the hum of the computer, my fingers typing and someone talking outside.

Around the house... the cat doth lay.

One of my favorite things... is autumn weather and colours.

A Few Plans For The Rest Of The Week: Work on the SC room, laundry and sleep!

Here is picture thought I am sharing..

This picture makes me laugh so hard. I can just see how angry poor kitty is about being in the water! I would imagine my kitty would react the same way. I dunno... it just brings me joy.

First....

2008-10-14T11:56:00.001-05:00

My first post consists of one word.....

Oy.